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AIBU?

To be angry that ex spent half my maintenance

35 replies

WearingAnUmbrellaHat · 30/10/2013 20:18

Ex has paid no maintenance in a year. He recently offered to pay £100 every time he is paid after a job as he is self employed. He owes me £200 and today was supposed to give the first £100. He handed over £52 plus a receipt for £48 of clothing after he claimed that Ds clothes were too small and dirty.

I am furious as the money is to be spent how I choose and is another example of his controlling behaviour. DS did not need new clothes btw.

what do you think? AIBU to be furious?

OP posts:

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WearingAnUmbrellaHat · 31/10/2013 07:05

Over the last* year that should be.

OP posts:

WearingAnUmbrellaHat · 31/10/2013 07:04

Over the year, since taking me to mediation and agreeing to a monthly visit (we live 150 miles away) He has seen him 4 times. Not down to me I should add. Sometimes he doesn't even call for a month when he is supposed to call weekly. also, we share the pick up/drop off when DS goes to see him. Before we moved, he hadn't seen or contacted DS in a year.

So in answer to your question, he has him so rarely, it's negligible. It will have to be court for me as he is S/E.

OP posts:

Lweji · 31/10/2013 06:52

CSA or court, wherever you are.

Don't sign receipts as something else. Insist on a bank transfer.

Does he have the child any nights?

WearingAnUmbrellaHat · 31/10/2013 06:50

Had a thought this morning that I would post the clothes back to him, no postage of course splattered in nail varnish

OP posts:

WearingAnUmbrellaHat · 31/10/2013 06:48

I have got a feeling that somehow he is going to be using giving me money to his own advantage. He had insisted that I sign a receipt but when my mum asked for the receipt for me to sign (I was in the next room as we don't speak face to face) he said "I haven't got it, I'll sign it off as something else"

At this point I was so mad I just wanted him to go so it didn't really register but is there a way he could make paying me somehow to his advantage when doing his tax return? I am also suspicious now that he will write a receipt that says more than he gave me and sign it "on my behalf".

OP posts:

deepfriedsage · 30/10/2013 22:35

Lucky you living near her.

YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan · 30/10/2013 22:22

She is one of those people who seems to always be in a battle with someone. Her mum her SIL her ex, her dps ex. I think it's her default position to be 'at war' with people even though she complains that her own ex doesnt give her enough CM

deepfriedsage · 30/10/2013 22:20

At least you will not be subjected to that again from her,shame on her supporting a child not getting the legal minimum.

YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan · 30/10/2013 21:58

I told her my ex tried that one aswell and how i had put him straight on how toys dont make up for lack of food or heat. She mumbled something about ex getting plenty from him in the past then decided she could hear her child calling her. I could hear nothing.

deepfriedsage · 30/10/2013 21:55

What did you say to your neighbour?

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 30/10/2013 21:54

twatty, CSA is worked out by earnings.

if he isn't 'earning' then it will be a zero calculation.

TwattyBojangles · 30/10/2013 21:52

That is appalling. Child maintenance is not just there to cover clothes, it's to help with costs of living eg food, etc. YADefinitelyNBU. Would CSA be able to help?

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 30/10/2013 21:42

That rubbish, so he spends 1/2 money on crap DS will not wear.

deepfriedsage · 30/10/2013 21:40

Yes they were an unwanted, not exactly a gift. At least get him clothes he will wear, in the next size up.

YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan · 30/10/2013 21:40

I was talking with my neighbour recently and she was whinging about her dp's ex kicking off because her dp hadnt paid any CM. neighbour justified this by saying "she's got a cheek, he took the dcs out last week and bought them both a game for the PS3 game at £50 each and she expects CM on top of that? Huh. Greedy bitch"

WearingAnUmbrellaHat · 30/10/2013 21:37

Sadly, the clothes e were bought on a card. One of the pairs of jeans has a tag on. Would it be worth trying and taking them back and asking for a credit slip. Could say they were an unwanted gift?

OP posts:

WearingAnUmbrellaHat · 30/10/2013 21:35

I will never be able to rely on him for money now as he is self employed. I have decided to see any payments he deigns to give me as bonuses. The clothes weren't even to DS's taste either which shows how little he knows him. For example, there were two pairs of jeans. DS never wears jeans as he says they are uncomfortable. He lives in combats, jogging bottoms and shorts in the summer. There was also a horrible shirt which he would never wear, he only likes tshirts.

OP posts:

deepfriedsage · 30/10/2013 21:35

Take the clothes back for a refund?

YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan · 30/10/2013 21:33

I agree he is a dick. The person the child lives with is in the best place to decide what the child needs at that moment in time, he may be in more need of school shoes and coat than clothes and this man spending the cm on clothes he doesnt need could mean there is no money to buy much needed winter coat and shoes (can you tell my ds has gone through his school shoes already? )

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 30/10/2013 21:28

He's a Dick! My ex gave me a bag of his step-sons cast offs last week. He then said he wouldn't give me any maintenance this month as ds1 wouldn't need any new clothes

basgetti · 30/10/2013 21:26

YANBU. He has no right to unilaterally spend money you were no doubt relying on and maybe even had earmarked for other things.

And he hasn't saved the OP money since she clearly stated that her DS doesn't need new clothes. He has spent her money.

TooTabooToBOOOOO · 30/10/2013 21:26

pressed too soon.

Ex will hand me maintenance money and ask if DS is ok for nappies. Turns up with clothes/toys. Offers to buy essentials.

I don't like to rely on him for stuff so normally say that I'll go halves with him (eg DS needs a snowsuit for winter, then the bigger picture of the next stage car seat)

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deepfriedsage · 30/10/2013 21:25

Yep a Dick.

My ex used cm on his wives business adventure. I had to see the bastards sponsored ad on my fb today. All I thought is dc are suffering for that business.

TooTabooToBOOOOO · 30/10/2013 21:25

A friend used to get her maintenance by cheque in the post. The total always had the cost of the stamp deducted from it.

I thank god ex and I are on good terms.

YoniMatopoeia · 30/10/2013 21:23

YANBU. Maintenance is for the resident parent to support the child. If he wants to get extra clothes then he can do that from his money.

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