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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DH has gone out?

64 replies

tearoomtrash · 26/10/2013 20:03

We have a 13 month old who has been ill with one thing or another for the past 3 weeks (nothing serious but enough to badly affect her sleeping). I'm a full time teacher, and have been getting, on average, 3 hours sleep each night. His sleep is also suffering, but he works for himself and therefore has the flexibility to stay in bed if he needs to.

He is a hands on Dad and a good husband. I love him.

Anyway. I am on my knees with tiredness. My sister very kindly offered to babysit over night to give us some quality time together, and a decent night's sleep. I have been looking forward to a relaxed night in all week.

This afternoon, DH came in from playing football and asked me if I fancied a night out. I declined and explained why. He said he really wanted to take the opportunity to go out with his team mates. Fair enough, it's his free time too.

I don't begrudge him, but know that he will stumble in in the early hours, wake me up and then spend tomorrow grumpy and hungover while I take care of our toddler. Also, we so rarely get the opportunity for time alone together and feel that his night out goes against the spirit in which my sister's generous offer was made.

AIBU?

OP posts:
thehairybabysmum · 26/10/2013 20:07

You are probably more annoyed than you usually would be because you are so tired!

I would prob feel similar, and like you probably realise I was being a little U. However, I think you should just go to bed and enjoy an extra few zzzz 'a Smile

Original poster
tearoomtrash · 26/10/2013 20:26

Yes you might be right.

I think the annoyance probably started this morning with his going to football, as he knew I desperately wanted (needed!) a lay in. He said he couldn't let the lads down. Hmm

So I have probably let this fester all day which has lead to me feeling pissed off when I should be enjoying my night off. I shall pour myself a glass of wine and try to snap out of it and relax ??

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 26/10/2013 20:31

Has he got anywhere else he can stop?

In the shed/garden if he hasn't? Wink

Mumraathenoisylion · 26/10/2013 20:32

I think it's sad he wouldn't take the opportunity to spend the quality time with you, which is much needed when you have a baby.

If I'm honest I would be quite upset too, mainly because he put his team-mates above you. Maybe have a word with him when he's sober tomorrow?

emuloc · 26/10/2013 20:32

Well he did ask if you wanted to go out with him so yes yabu. Enjoy an early night.

Original poster
tearoomtrash · 26/10/2013 20:34

Ha ha! The thought crossed my mind.

I may have to catch up with the hoovering tomorrow. Mainly the area around his side of the bed. Either that or find an excuse for some very heavy duty drilling...

OP posts:
Original poster
tearoomtrash · 26/10/2013 20:37

My last message was in reply to agent zigzag, by the way (just incase that wasn't obvious...)

OP posts:
PansOnFire · 26/10/2013 20:39

YANBU, I'd be feeling a bit neglected and crap too but it probably seems worse because you are so tired. I'd enjoy some time to yourself and get some sleep.

I also second the garden shed idea :)

Mumraathenoisylion · 26/10/2013 20:40

Emu...so she's expected to conform or be left behind....by her own partner?

MikeLitorisBites · 26/10/2013 20:42

Now I would be pushing my dp out the door in your situation. The thought of a whole night in my house alone is amazing! Hot bath with my book, pjs on, junk food and an early night with crap tv or a film.

But my dp would stumble home about 12-1am and pass out on the sofa so I could starfish in bed all night.

emuloc · 26/10/2013 20:44

Mumraa Did it not say in the op that her husband asked if she wanted to go out? Did she not say she was unable to for good reason. So what are you on about?

Original poster
tearoomtrash · 26/10/2013 20:49

Mine doesn't afford me that luxury, Mike.

He bumbles around in the garden, trying to find the back door, bangs and crashes his way to the bedroom, then (if I've miraculously slept through that racket) proceeds to wake me up to tell me the "gossip" of the night - making no sense at all, before falling into a deep sleep that normally involves snoring like a freight train and using my torso as a leg rest. I normally lay there wide awake and angry, fantasising about the many ways I could antagonise his hangover the next morning.

I am already annoyed at the prospect.

OP posts:
Mumraathenoisylion · 26/10/2013 20:49

Her sister offered to babysit.

THIS afternoon her dh asked her to go out rather than spend quality time together because basically he wanted to be out with the lads....this is obvious as he went out even though she didn't want to. The idea was that they spend quality time together. He put his wants before hers. Not sure how much more plain I can be.

sherazade · 26/10/2013 20:50

I think you do begrudge him and you have every right to.

Original poster
tearoomtrash · 26/10/2013 20:53

Just to clarify, I declined his offer of a night out as I am far too tired, and was looking forward to a cosy evening in together (I had imagined a takeaway, bottle of wine, DVD & early night Wink). Not a night out with a load of drunken men.

OP posts:
sherazade · 26/10/2013 20:55

He is clearly not as tired as you are if he's still playing football and is ready to go out with his friends and get drunk.

Original poster
tearoomtrash · 26/10/2013 20:57

I don't begrudge him a night out - he doesn't do it often. But you are right that I do begrudge the fact that it had to be the night we have an overnight babysitter and the perfect opportunity to enjoy each other's company without the distraction of a poorly tot.

OP posts:
PAsSweetOrangeLurve · 26/10/2013 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marriedinwhiteisback · 26/10/2013 21:01

If you are a teacher OP, don't you have all of next week off?

I'd stop the angst which will do you no good in the long run, have a warm bubble bath (I assume your sister is still babysitting), read a magazine, listen to nice music, relax totally and have an early night so you are on form to get up bright and early tomorrow, be excruciatingly cheerful, make him garden and go out with you and baby in the afternoon hangover or no hangover

Topseyt · 26/10/2013 21:05

I'd be narked, and things are a million times worse when you are that tired.

A couple of glasses of wine and some choc for yourself might go some way to making up for it perhaps.

ImperialFucker · 26/10/2013 21:05

I think what he's done is awful! He could go out with his mates any time. The whole POINT of tonight was that you got a proper night's sleep!

Why am I angrier than you, OP?

LEMisafucker · 26/10/2013 21:09

So let me get this right - you have the opportunity for a child free evening and he goes out with his footie mates???? Tired or not - he should be jumping at the opportunity to do something with you, even if it was a takeaway and an early night! Is he usually this selfish?

I would be really hurt and upset

Original poster
tearoomtrash · 26/10/2013 21:09

Hi Married. Although technically I have next week off work, toddler still may not be sleeping, and I will be caring for her during the day then doing bits & bobs of school stuff in the evenings when DH comes home, so not a week off in the same way that tonight is truly a night "off", if you see what I mean? I like your thinking though Wink

Mumra - yes, you have understood exactly how I feel, but also feel torn because he's generally a good egg and doesn't go out too often. I think it's the fact that he has chosen a night out with a load of blokes he has already socialised with today, rather than an evening in alone with me Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
tearoomtrash · 26/10/2013 21:12

Too, imperial & LEM - yes, yes!

OP posts:
thehairybabysmum · 26/10/2013 21:14

Your sister sounds lovely, maybe she would do the same again next weekend if you explained you're a bit miffed Wink