To be annoyed that DH has gone out?

[tearoomtrash]

We have a 13 month old who has been ill with one thing or another for the past 3 weeks (nothing serious but enough to badly affect her sleeping). I'm a full time teacher, and have been getting, on average, 3 hours sleep each night. His sleep is also suffering, but he works for himself and therefore has the flexibility to stay in bed if he needs to.

He is a hands on Dad and a good husband. I love him.

Anyway. I am on my knees with tiredness. My sister very kindly offered to babysit over night to give us some quality time together, and a decent night's sleep. I have been looking forward to a relaxed night in all week.

This afternoon, DH came in from playing football and asked me if I fancied a night out. I declined and explained why. He said he really wanted to take the opportunity to go out with his team mates. Fair enough, it's his free time too.

I don't begrudge him, but know that he will stumble in in the early hours, wake me up and then spend tomorrow grumpy and hungover while I take care of our toddler. Also, we so rarely get the opportunity for time alone together and feel that his night out goes against the spirit in which my sister's generous offer was made.

AIBU?

I knew that this would probably happen, as it normally does when he goes out. I just hoped that, having seen how tired I have been lately, he would choose to be sensible; drink less and be home earlier.

His behaviour today has been so inconsiderate and totally out of character. I'm so disappointed.

My poor sister will be having a sleepless night for nothing.

Maybe it's time for a chat about how coming in like this is not appropriate etc as a parent and he needs to grow up. Probably not tomorrow whilst hungover though.

He should be the one cleaning up the bathroom too not you.

Not trying to make a mountain out of a molehill but his reaction to both of the above will probably speak volumes about how much of a top bloke he really is.

Hopefully you'll get some rest now. Maybe stick some calming music on for a bit

Oh god poor you OP, I would be seething too.

I would be quite annoyed if I were your dsis, to be honest.

She generously offers to do an overnight babysit (quite a big deal with a fretful toddler) because she can see that her sister is in desperate need of a child-free night in with her dh - & then he buggers off out & gets puking-up pissed?

He's taking the proverbial out of his SIL's kind offer, which was clearly intended by her to provide you with a lovely relaxing evening - he should've gone along with your plans for the evening, whether you fancied a night out or a quiet evening in.

I suppose, giving him massive benefit of the doubt, he might have convinced himself that what you actually wanted was just a nice peaceful night off & his presence was optional...

In your shoes I'd be rather looking forward to giving him an almighty bollocking, & expecting kid glove treatment for the remainder of half term. Plus I'd be having a definite word about technicolour yawning the bathroom - parents need to be able to hold their drink better than that!

I'd be fucked off too. And so angry that he WOKE ME UP WHEN I NEEDED SLEEP.

But as I see it he chose to go out as his way of letting off steam and having a night off so I can see it from his point of view.

I wouldn't have begrudged him the actual going out (or playing football - you can't simply decide you're not going! It's a team sport and he's right you can't let the team down. If you can't commit you shouldn't be in the team - we have to work round this in our house but it's the way it is) but the waking you up and puking would make me spitting mad.

Also my pet peeve about DH going out of a drunken one - he always seems to wake me up

He is cleaning up the bathroom as we speak.

He is being very needy this morning, with lots of apologies and trying to cuddle. I have told him I'm still too pissed off to discuss it at the moment.

I am off to meet my sister and LO for breakfast in town. When I get back I will be having a relaxing bath and going back to bed with my kindle, while he does the child care.

I do stand by the fact that he is a good husband, and he doesn't go out often. Any other night would not have been an issue, in fact I would be joking with him about his hangover and probably even indulging him a little bit, but he KNEW how much I needed last night but he put his needs first - he didn't even compromise by coming in quietly at a reasonable time.

Anyway.... Off for coffee

Have a great Sunday everyone x

That sounds like a good plan for the day, OP. Shame it went pear-shaped last night but he will hopefully learn his lesson today. Enjoy your time with your sister and your chill out time later

You are right - he has disappointed you on this occasion and it is very hurtful and inconsiderate. I would be livid & hurt. Then he did as expected and came in like a thundering rhino... it's really, really not acceptable. He can go out anytime he likes on his own - I would be seriously questioning him as to why it was his choice to do so on a night you could have spent together, alone and when you so very clearly needed a quiet night in.

He has behaved liked a complete shit - he needs to be under no illusion about that! Good egg generally or not.

Exactly what Chipping said.

You were looking forward to this one night of rest and he ruined it.

I imagine he usually gets a lot more sleep than you do? It's utter selfishness.

OP next time, instead of your sister having your DC, you go to your sisters and have a catch up with her. Then you could stay the night and get a full nights sleep and your 'D'H can do the childcare.

OP with some wine and an early night it doesn't sound like you had sleep on your mind last night