Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To tell the MIL I'm pregnant by Facebook message?

55 replies

ShootMyMIL · 13/10/2013 16:34

Namechanged as this will out me

Found out I'm pregnant a couple of week ago, OH is against having baby and wants me to get rid. I've decided that I'm keeping it.

I don't get on with MIL but think that she has a right to know that she has a grandchild on the way.

I told her via Facebook message as this is the only way I have of contacting her.

She's now messaged me a lot of abuse, telling me I have to get rid as her son doesn't want it. She's now taken it upon herself to spread around everyone that I'm forcing her son to commit his life to this.

OP posts:

LondonInHighHeeledBoots · 13/10/2013 16:38

No one forced her son to have sex so tough shit on him. If its the only means of communication you have them no yanbu.

Sorry you are going through this but her ranting will just show her and her son up. I'd just cut contact, they obviously don't want anything to do with the child.

CbeebiesIsMyLife · 13/10/2013 16:41

Anyone decent will know you didn't force him to hav sex, either it was contraception failure or failure to use contraception, anyone with half a brain knows it takes 2 to make a baby.

Sorry you're going through this, how far along are you? Are your family being supportive?

Rosencrantz · 13/10/2013 16:42

MIL can get fucked.

Son chose to shag you, tough shit.

Original poster

ShootMyMIL · 13/10/2013 16:42

I think about 10 weeks, got doc appointment in the week.

Family are supportive I guess. Basically they've said u got your self pregnant deal with it, although I know they will help

OP posts:

Rosencrantz · 13/10/2013 16:43

How old are you and OH, OP?

Original poster

ShootMyMIL · 13/10/2013 16:44

I'm 19 & he's 22

OP posts:

Custardo · 13/10/2013 16:44

all sounds very jeremy kyle - if i could only get hold of a family member by facebook, i wouldn't consider them much of a family member and therefore would not communicate this news.

TobyLerone · 13/10/2013 16:45

Ignore her. But yes, I think YWBU. The only reason for doing what you did is to tell tales in the hope that his mum would tell him off/make him want to keep the baby.

He is (supposedly) an adult and needs to make his own decisions, even if they're poor ones.

LIZS · 13/10/2013 16:45

if you used FB to tell her you can't really be that shocked when she then spreads rumours.

ZZZenagain · 13/10/2013 16:46

don't read any more of her messages.

Rosencrantz · 13/10/2013 16:46

Yeah, just cut her out and carry on with your life. You owe nobody but yourself and DC anything.

Original poster

ShootMyMIL · 13/10/2013 16:47

I told her as I know he won't, & feel that she does have a right to know that she has a grandchild

OP posts:

IncognitoErgoSum · 13/10/2013 16:48

I didn't know you could get pregnant by Facebook message!

Seriously, defriend her and block any updates you get via anyone else so that you don't see these messages.

Bunbaker · 13/10/2013 16:49

What Custardo and LIXS said. Facebook isn't an appropriate medium to let someone know they are going to be a grandparent.

Also, if you are on such distant terms with her that the only way to make contact is via Facebook, I don't have high hopes for the sort of relationship you want to have with a grandparent of your child.

Original poster

ShootMyMIL · 13/10/2013 16:50

If I'm perfectly honest I don't want her to have any contact with my child as she is so horrid but I still feel she should know that she does have a grandchild

OP posts:

SanityClause · 13/10/2013 16:50

I'm sorry this has happened, OP.

FWIW, I think you did the right thing. I know a family, slightly, where the mother chose to have the baby, the father wanted nothing to do with it, but the father's parents have a lovely relationship with both the child and the mother.

sarascompact · 13/10/2013 16:54

This sounds very immature. You're 19 and due to have a baby, not 13 and having a spat with a classmate.

Don't worry about the boyfriend's mother, just look after yourself and don't be pressured into doing anything other than what you want to

You'd be wise to block the woman from Facebook to avoid any more tantrums or airing of your linen in public and concentrate on your wellbeing and that of your unborn child. She has no rights to know anything and even less right to tell you to get rid of your baby. She's clearly raised a controlling and unpleasant son as a result of leading by example.

Head up love, eyes straight ahead, walk away and don't look back.
.

TobyLerone · 13/10/2013 16:57

So if you don't want her to have any contact with the baby, why did you tell her at all?

Do you actually know what you mean when you say "she has a right to know", or are you just trotting out one of those meaningless things people say?

I still think you told her because you thought she'd force him to change his mind.

IHaveA · 13/10/2013 16:59

The best thing to do would to be to stop engaging in any arguments with anyone. Just don't get involved and try not to have anything other than the most inane conversations on Facebook. No sniper comments, no nothing. Don't comment or gossip about your OH's bitchy mother. Just ignore, ignore and ignore some more.

Unfortunately, your OH is your babies dad and its in your babies best interests to try difficult, I know to maintain as good as relationship as possible with him.

It's time for you to grow up because it sounds as though your OH might not.

TeaAddict235 · 13/10/2013 16:59

Sorry OP, but its highly disrespectful to tell someone so close to your core family about the pending arrival of a little one. Stop communicating with your family (friends or foe) via FB. Skpe would have been a better option.

Despite her venom, arrange a meeting with her and maybe her son, and try and clear this up asap before making any big committments.

Again, do not share anymore family news via FB. it is not the done thing concerning major decisions in your life.

Original poster

ShootMyMIL · 13/10/2013 17:00

I knew she would side with him

I told her as I'd rather she found out from me than through a mutal friend or so. I think she deserves to know that she has another blood relative on the way.

OP posts:

themaltesefalcon · 13/10/2013 17:00

She's not your "MIL", she's the mother of your boyfriend. You're so young. She might well be in utter shock- not that this excuses her apparently vile behaviour.

I'm sorry your boyfriend is trying to coerce you into having an abortion. It sounds as though the whole family is rather unpleasant and you're best off not engaging in Facebook games, truly.

And- congratulations on your pregnancy.

pianodoodle · 13/10/2013 17:14

If you had no other means of letting her know then I don't see what else you could have done. If you hadn't let her know that may have been perceived badly too.

Sorry it didn't turn out well though I hope your own family give you the support you need!

Willshome · 13/10/2013 17:46

Ten weeks is too early to tell anyone you're pregnant, let alone announce it to the whole world. Too much can go wrong. You contacted his mother in the hope that she would put pressure on her son to want the baby. That's not how it works and not how it worked. If you intend to go ahead with the pregnancy, and all goes well with it, expect to raise the child alone. And try to wean yourself off Facebook.

RevelsRoulette · 13/10/2013 17:50

I take it your 'oh' is now your ex?

At this stage, just take care of yourself, you don't need to have any contact with her at all. Hopefully your ex will realise that he has obligations to the child he helped to create, and if not, there is the CSA.

Flip

1 2 3