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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious at doctor

78 replies

MamaPingu · 07/10/2013 12:11

My 4 week old little boy has had a massive change in behaviour. Screaming in pain, not settling or sleeping well and isn't himself so I took him to see the GP thinking it might be wind or silent reflux.
I can tell he really needs something to help, he has changed completely.

It seems that because I am a young mum at 19 she fobbed me off and insinuated I'm not coping!! She asked if I had help at home, and then asked if my mum works which suggests she thinks I need my mum here 24-7?!
I can't imagine her asking anyone older that Hmm

I am coping fine, it's plain to see he isn't himself and is in pain but because he was peaceful when at the doctors I am a shit young mum. Hmm
Therefore when I ask for help, I get fobbed off because I can't take care of a baby clearly!

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 07/10/2013 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hiddenhome · 07/10/2013 12:15

Oh, yes, it's the slippery slope towards antidepressants and support groups now Confused

Does he have colic? I found colief helped mine. You could always take a look at their website www.colief.com and see what you think. You just add a couple of drops to each feed and you can use it when breastfeeding too.

Other things could be: change of formula, a bug or taking too much/too little fluid.

GPs are generally pretty stupid people and it's best not to bother with them. They spout more shite than a duck's bum Grin

LEMisdisappointed · 07/10/2013 12:18

You are a new mum - it doesn't matter how old you are!

YANBU

Go and see a different doctor - tell them you are worried about your child. WTAF does it matter what hours your mum works?

midwifeandmum · 07/10/2013 12:19

Thats such a shame to be made feel like that by ur Gp. I would ask for another doctor and explain how the other dr made u feel like that.

It sounds like wind. What milk is he on or is he breastfed? How often does he feed?

My sis son suffered terrible wind until i advised a change in milk.

U could speak to ur health visitor but she wont b able to prescribe anything. Ur best bet is another doc.

Have u tried some cool boiled water.

Dont let this gp dent ur confidence.
Being a young mum doesn't make u a bad mum. Most young mums are tremedous mothers. My mum had me at 19 and had all 3 of us by 24 and she was great. Even when my dad left her on her own with us three for another woman

alarkthatcouldpray · 07/10/2013 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hiddenhome · 07/10/2013 12:21

I'm entitled to my opinions. I've yet to encounter a competent, knowledgeable GP. I'd rather take my chances with a vet ta Grin

mignonette · 07/10/2013 12:22

Maybe ask the GP directly if she is insinuating that younger Mother = less able to cope and ask her where her evidence for this is in your case?

LEMisdisappointed · 07/10/2013 12:22

i dont think anyone is taking any notice of that alark.

Fakebook · 07/10/2013 12:22

GPs are generally pretty stupid people and it's best not to bother with them. They spout more shite than a duck's bum

^^ I know that's meant in jest, but if it hadn't been for my brilliant and thorough GP, I don't think I would have ever had any more children, thanks to one blood test.

OP, yanbu. Perhaps try another GP and take along some notes so you say exactly what you want to incase you forget. I do this all the time (bad memory).

Jenny70 · 07/10/2013 12:27

It isn't good, but take heart they DO ask older people that same question too.... sometimes that GP visit is a cry for help - but not every time. What is bad is if they ask the question, you answer that you feel you are coping but something is wrong with your baby, and then they continue on down the line of needing help etc (when you've just said you're OK).

I don't think it is wrong to ask, but it IS wrong not to listen to the answer. And not to give you some suggestions on what could be unsettling your baby, rather than downplaying it and fobbing you off.

I'm sorry I don't have any answers about your baby's unsettled behaviour either, but I have heard many tales about silent reflux being fobbed off and having to go back and go back and go back before anything is done. Maybe a diary of times awake, crying, settled etc might help bring "evidence" to the doctor about the problem, because if it continues it will be hard to cope (for anyone!)....

PenelopePipPop · 07/10/2013 12:36

Yes like Jenny70 I was asked how much support I had at home and whether my Mum was around to help when my newborn was very unsettled. I was 30 when I had DD.

It isn't either/or. Caring for a baby with colic is one of the most physically and psychologically draining thing a parent has to face. Checking what other support you have doesn't mean she thinks you are a shit mum. It might just mean she thinks this is a difficult situation.

Which it is. I really hope your little boy feels more settled soon and agree with the advice to see another GP for some help on his discomfort. Or your HV if you have one - sometimes they are better at spotting what is going on with tiny babies because they see more of them.

Ashinagai · 07/10/2013 12:37

OP I'm a first time mum at 38 and I got exactly the same fobbing off by my GP when I was worried about my DS's eczema & throwing up. Turns out he did have reflux and cows milk protein intolerance which I confirmed by paying to see a paediatrician privately. Please trust your instincts, go back to another GP if possible and calmly repeat repeat repeat what you have observed. Most GPs are not familiar with reflux and say useless things like, all babies cry etc. you know your own baby!! Good luck!

LEMisdisappointed · 07/10/2013 12:39

Jenny whilst i agree that GPs and HVs will enquire with all mums as to what support they have, either by DPs/DHs or family, however i really don't think this it is relevant to ask if the OPs mother worked. It is implying that the OP needs help with day to day care over and above what an older mum would need.

Also, lets face it, ALL new mums worry about their babies, how many times are they referred to as PFBs, it may well be, and i actually hope it is, something simple that is worrying that OP, she should not be dismissed and her concerns should be taken seriously. With a plan/advice on things to try, what it may be - wind/reflux etc, things to try to alleviate his discomfort and more importantly what to do if these things don't work - so , "if its no better after these measures, bring him back for further tests" is what should have come out of the doctors mouth.

I do not agree that GPs are stupid though - hidden, you didn't really think that comment though Wink

gettingtogrips · 07/10/2013 12:42

YABU.

I think the GP thought there was something bigger going on here. They were probably doing their best to uncover why you'd really come in.

19 is not a particularly young mother, get over yourself.

PeppiNephrine · 07/10/2013 12:44

Is is possible you are being oversensitive? It sounds like your dr was trying to help you and you over-reacted. It is normal for babies to go through periods like this, and there is little drs can do at that stage.
Go and see your HV or the baby clinic and try to take advice given without assuming to much intent on the part of others.

LEMisdisappointed · 07/10/2013 12:44

Getting - you need to change your name, you appear to have lost your grip.

The OP went to the doctors because she was worried about a change in her babies behaviour and he seemed uncomfortable, that was the reason!!!

Are you just posting to be deliberately unpleasant for laughs eh?

gettingtogrips · 07/10/2013 12:45

You're right, maybe 'getagrip' would be more apt!

OcadoSubstitutedMyHummus · 07/10/2013 12:45

When I saw the GP at 6 weeks I got asked what hours my DP worked, what other support did I have, were my family near. Answers being long with travel, none, no. And was told that I needed more support. I went home and cried. And I was in my 30s.

MrsDeVere · 07/10/2013 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bungmean · 07/10/2013 12:46

Hiddenhome: "GPs are generally pretty stupid people and it's best not to bother with them. They spout more shite than a duck's bum".

Idiot.

IvanaCake · 07/10/2013 12:46

Go and see a different gp lovely. I'll always remember my lovely gp telling me at dd1s 6 week check that my instinct as a mother is always correct and should never be ignored.

Putting aside the fact that you really shouldn't have to ask, is there someone who could go with you? Your mum?

PeppiNephrine · 07/10/2013 12:51

Go and see a different gp lovely. I'll always remember my lovely gp telling me at dd1s 6 week check that my instinct as a mother is always correct and should never be ignored.

Really? Thats terrible advice. Mothers instinct is often entirely wrong and is by no means always relevant. Should parents feelings and opinions be listened to..of course, but always correct? Rubbish!

hiddenhome · 07/10/2013 12:56

An idiot eh? Well, sadly, I've worked with enough, and been on the receiving end of enough GPs to know different Hmm

tinyturtletim · 07/10/2013 13:00

Actually, each time I have had a mothers instinct I havebeen spot on, and one ooccasion I saved my daughter's life

Flatiron · 07/10/2013 13:02

I'm sorry , but I think there is a tendency for some medical professionals to let their age prejudices get the better of them sometimes, like lots of people.

Young = irresponsible/incompetent, middle-aged female = menopause, elderly = to be humoured, but ignored.