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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.....or am I really a disgraceful mother?

70 replies

HenD19 · 29/09/2013 20:34

I have 3DC aged nearly 6, 2 and 4months.

I know that I've been really hard work in the last 4 months, snappy and demanding and the like, but I'm so tired and down about life. I have been getting on at my DH quite a bit as I get so sick of never stopping while he still gets time to go to the gym, lie in, clothes shop etc.

Things have come to a head today and he's said I'm a disgrace as I find it really hard to be out and about on my own with all three children, mainly as DC2 is a wild one. I apparently don't discipline our children properly and need to get my act together and get on with my life. I just feel really low and it's easier said than done. I'm trying my best but it still isn't good enough.

So AIBU or is he?......I suppose you all know the answer I'm hoping for.....

OP posts:
Johnny5needsinput · 29/09/2013 20:35

Why isn't he giving you equal time to go to the gym, lie in, clothes shop?

poachedeggs · 29/09/2013 20:36

He's quite clearly a complete a dick :(

poachedeggs · 29/09/2013 20:36

I'm so horrified at his dickishness I can't even string a sentence together.

pointythings · 29/09/2013 20:36

He is. He needs to man up, do his bit, take the DCs off you regularly so that you can have a lie in, go to the gym and clothes shop. Doesn't matter that he is working and you are not/are on mat leave - you are still entitled to leisure time.

LindyHemming · 29/09/2013 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

girliefriend · 29/09/2013 20:37

Umm he is obviously!!

It sounds like he is projecting all of his crapness at parenting onto you, instead of supporting you.

I hope you told him to fuck the fuck off and when he gets there to fuck off some more Grin

Mabelface · 29/09/2013 20:37

He is!!! Do you ever get a break from the kids at all? He needs reminding that they're his children too, so he needs to sort himself the fuck out and look after them now and again. You sound quite depressed too, and it would be worth having a chat with your GP. You didn't sign up to be chained to the kitchen sink whilst he lords it up at the gym or lying in bed.

Teapigging · 29/09/2013 20:38

I have one toddler, and I assure you I am frequently hell on earth to be married to, for which I make no apology. I admire anyone who manages at all with three.

Is your husband pulling his weight in parenting your children? How often does he take all three out together? How do you make sure you both have equal free time?

Mabelface · 29/09/2013 20:38

Oh, and he's the fucking disgrace, not you.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 29/09/2013 20:38

It sounds like he is never in.

How about he steps up and be a father instead of acting like he is single with no children.

notanyanymore · 29/09/2013 20:39

He's being unsupportive and seems to have no idea what so ever of what you are coping with.
Unfortunately its not all that uncommon (mine are 4,3 and 7 months, I feel your pain) x

mummydarkling · 29/09/2013 20:40

YANBU that was me some years ago. He has to take responsibility for his brood. His criticism is moot as he is not supportive. You are a great mum !

Lora1982 · 29/09/2013 20:40

I think it's a sad thing but a lot of us feel like we never get equal time to ourselves. I had to repeat the "I don't get a day off" line for months before I got to have a night off. Obviously he's bu.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 29/09/2013 20:40

You write about you and the children and what he says that you do or don't do with the children. What does he do with the children?

They aren't just your responsibility!

spanky2 · 29/09/2013 20:40

Wow . You are struggling and he wants to point out where you'regoing wrong . Nice . He needs to be kinder and more supportive . Thanks

YoureBeingADick · 29/09/2013 20:40

he is the disgraceful parent in this scenario if he is gleefully going about his pre-children lifestyle while berating you 4 MONTHS! post partum for not being able to make it look like a piece of piss! what an asshole to say that to you. tell him you will swap lives for a month to see how easy he makes it look!

pianodoodle · 29/09/2013 20:41

Go away for a few days and leave him to cope.

What an utter bastard thing to say :(

hardboiledpossum · 29/09/2013 20:41

I really think you should book a spa day for yourself next Saturday. Leave expressed milk if you are still exclusively breast feeding but other than that don't do anything like leaving prepared meals, do leave a shopping list of a few things that need getting and of things that need doing around the house. Don't answer your phone.

IsThatTrue · 29/09/2013 20:42

He is being an arse, he needs to step up and help parent your (joint) children. Not berate you on your efforts!

TeaJunky · 29/09/2013 20:43

Op, you need to summon a rightful fuckload of huffery for this and let him have it. Then just flounce out and go clothes shopping.

I'm serious.

extracrunchy · 29/09/2013 20:43

Agree with all of the above. Book some quality time for yourself and let him see how he likes it,

spanky2 · 29/09/2013 20:45

Teajunky I did that when dh criticised me for spending too much money . I f**ked off to next and got a new outfit !Grin

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 29/09/2013 20:47

Oh he's got a nice bloody life, hasn't he? Take all his free time off him and make him the family drudge 24/7 and see how ruddy perky he is after a few years.

He's being a selfish arsehole.

HaroldLloyd · 29/09/2013 20:48

Has he ever taken them out on his own??

Abandon him with them in ikea, the bastard.

See how he likes them onions!

InTheRedCorner · 29/09/2013 20:49

I have 3, albeit older than your Dc now. You must must must make time for you.

We so easily become bottom of a pile of 5 and that is a long way down and hard to scramble back up from.

I make sure I get to do one or two things a month for just me, go for a walk on my own, food shopping on my own. I pushed the boat out this week and went for a massage!

Your DH needs reminding that you are not the only parent.