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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is this a jealousy red flag?

79 replies

Trololo · 29/09/2013 19:38

Last night my boyfriend of four months was at mine. We were sitting watching tv and my phone beeped. It was a Facebook notification from a guy I went to school with, I don't know him well. It wasn't a private mail, he had commented a status I had put earlier. All very boring so far.

Anyway, I didn't really think much of it. BF was acting a bit quiet and I asked what's wrong, he said he was tired. Half an hour later he asked me if any other guys I had dated before him still text me. I obviously said no because I don't text or mail any other guys in that way iykwim. He then told me he had seen the notification and seen it was a guys name. I explained what it was (fb comment, not a text or pm) and he was fine, apologised for being weird with me and over reacting.

This morning he text me to tell me he wanted to know who this guy was, I told him that it's someone I barely knew and it was a public comment on one of my fb posts and he could read it for himself.

Is it a bit odd to be still questioning me over a ridiculous fb comment even though I explained it wasn't a private message? Also, even if it was a pm or text should I have to explain myself repeatedly to him when it would have been completely innocent anyway?

I really don't want to have to worry about the odd text to old friends. I don't have any male friends I'm in contact with on a regular basis, more a check in occasionally of people I was close to at school/old work places (not any exes) I get why he might ask once but he's still going on about it now.

Aibu or is this a bit of a jealousy red flag?

OP posts:
IfYouLoveSomebodyLetThemSleep · 29/09/2013 19:41

To still be going on about it is weird. And what business is it of his if a man comments on your FB, why does he need to know who it is?

It could be nothing, or it could be a sign of how possessive he may be. For now I'd be wary and looking out for other signs, although I know a lot of them remain hidden until a couple of years in to the relationship.

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating · 29/09/2013 19:42

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CatelynStark · 29/09/2013 19:43

Sorry, I think this is a huge red flag!!

CailinDana · 29/09/2013 19:51

This would fuck me off big time. II would tell him he either trusts me or he doesn't and if he doesn't what's the point in being together?

ToffeeCaramel · 29/09/2013 20:01

I think it's a bit worrying actually. You had already explained it was a public reply on Facebook. Is he expecting you to delete every man you have as a FB friend to avoid future sulks and interrogation? Confused

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 29/09/2013 20:03

What a weirdo! Get rid!

leobear · 29/09/2013 20:06

Weird!!

LittlePeaPod · 29/09/2013 20:07

Yes, red flag. Really strange his still stewing about it.

catgirl1976 · 29/09/2013 20:08

Red flag for me.

(And very recent experience one a big one)

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/09/2013 20:08

That's a red flag to me.

Being curious is one thing. Banging on and on about is weird and possessive.

Loopytiles · 29/09/2013 20:09

Red flag!

elcranko · 29/09/2013 20:10

That would be a red flag for me. Are they any other signs of paranoia, jealousy or possessiveness?

Mabelface · 29/09/2013 20:11

Run like the wind! This will not end well otherwise.

IneedAsockamnesty · 29/09/2013 20:11

If I was only 4 months into a relationship and this happened I would get shot quickly.

Ime its what turns into insane levels of Facebook and phone checking that then turns into isolation and jealous rages over very innocent normal interactions with any other man.

waltermittymissus · 29/09/2013 20:12

Very odd and actually, I'd be really pissed off having to explain myself.

Even if you were friends or it was a text, so fucking what?!

Tasmania · 29/09/2013 20:12

Huge, mega-huge red flag.

To the point that I'd say... get out of it NOW - while you can.

YouTheCat · 29/09/2013 20:15

Massive red flag with bells on.

You will never be able to have any male friends because he will question you minutely about all of them.

LouiseAderyn · 29/09/2013 20:18

I would say red flag in a new relationship where neither of you has a history of cheating on the other.

I would say that if there had been infidelity on your part and you were in the process of rebuilding trust and this was a long term relationship then it would be more understandable.

In your particular circumstances, I say run. You have every right to friendships and shouldn't need to explain or justify them to him.

Original poster
Trololo · 29/09/2013 20:18

Nope, no other jealous behaviour that I can think of now. He has asked how long exDp hangs about for when he's dropping off ds and I've been nothing but honest with him, usually just drops off and leaves but will come in if we have something important to discuss (potty training, sleep habits ATM. We're trying to keep his routine the same at both places so need to communicate). He knew about this before we became official and I imagine that's a normal question to ask.

OP posts:
DorothyBastard · 29/09/2013 20:19

HE has been stewing over this all night, big red flag.

nigelslattern · 29/09/2013 20:20

He sounds like a right cock.

digerd · 29/09/2013 20:21

You have known each other just 4 months and he is showing this obsessiveness already? Not good.

ImperialBlether · 29/09/2013 20:24

Ugh. I couldn't be questioned like that.

AnyFucker · 29/09/2013 20:24

Is he pressurising you over how many men you slept with before him ?

Original poster
Trololo · 29/09/2013 20:26

He's asked quite early on but never pressured. I told him it wasn't comfortable talking about that. It's not a high number btw, less than 10.

OP posts:
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