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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get a cat against OH's wishes?

59 replies

lagertops · 10/09/2013 17:31

I have been looking at rehoming websites for a while now, but not really discussed it with him, as I was only really just browsing. But yesterday my colleague told me that her new kitten is not fitting in well and I told her I would be a potential back-up. I mentioned this to DP who says 'No it will scratch everything to pieces' to which I said 'but you can get repellents and cat scratching posts' but he won't budge. I'm going on mat leave at the end of the month, which will mean I will be at home to toilet train and attempt to train it from scratching. But is this really possible? And would I be really naughty to be like 'Surprise! I got us a present!' lol

OP posts:
Pollydon · 10/09/2013 17:32

No

LaurieFairyCake · 10/09/2013 17:33

I love cats, have 3.

Getting a pet without your other half on board is 7 shades of wrong.

reelingintheyears · 10/09/2013 17:33

I'd be pretty bloody cross if DP sprang a 'surprise' like that on me and then it would have to be found another home.

Olbasoil · 10/09/2013 17:34

Defiantly not, getting a pet is something you have to agree on.

hiddenhome · 10/09/2013 17:34

It depends on what sort of person he is. Will he come round to the idea and secretly enjoy having a cat, or is he a perpetual grouch who will moan about it for years to come? Only you know what his nature and likely reaction will be.

You could always get hold of a battered cardboard box, then place the kitten inside it after rubbing it all over with muck. Pretend you found it abandoned at the side of the road Grin

gordyslovesheep · 10/09/2013 17:34

Y would be VVU - cats aren't toys - what if he absolutely puts his foot down - the cat will be looking for it's 3rd home and its still a tiny kitten. Your friend shouldn't be getting rid of it poor thing

expatinscotland · 10/09/2013 17:35

No!

Waffling · 10/09/2013 17:35

I hope he surprises you with a pet boa constrictor. Such lolz!

Original poster
lagertops · 10/09/2013 17:36

Ok, looks like i'll have to try harder to convince him. I think if I can reassure him that you can do things to stop scratching I could be onto a winner.

OP posts:
nickelbabe · 10/09/2013 17:37

YABU

I would fume if DH did it to me.

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 10/09/2013 17:38

No You should not for the following reasons.

a) It is not fair on the cat to be brought in a new home when there is a possibility your oh will soon be finding it yet 'another' new home.

b) You are pregnant and no matter how much you will love and train the cat whilst on maternity leave, it will be a different story once the baby comes along and there is cat hairs on its blanket etc.

It is wrong in so many ways.

gordyslovesheep · 10/09/2013 17:38

and it's a KITTEN it WILL scratch the fook out of your sofa and carpets - he's right

My recently rehomed (to us) 3rd cat is 2 and a half and she's savage on my sofa

Sirzy · 10/09/2013 17:39

i would be fuming if someone did that to me.

And also you plan of training the cat at the back end of the pregnancy or with a newborn? Surely it would be better waiting another 12 months at least to add new pets into the home?

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 10/09/2013 17:40

Also, Did you know that you should not be cleaning out litter trays whilst pregnant?

FlapJackFlossie · 10/09/2013 17:40

If you are prepared for the cat to be rejected by your OH and be frightened to come home, then go ahead and get it.

specialsubject · 10/09/2013 17:40

also wrong is that you are about to be a parent and yet you do not seem mature enough to discuss things with your partner and accept that you won't always want the same things.

you can't train cats not to scratch.

get real.

FiveExclamations · 10/09/2013 17:43

Please don't.

I had to re-home an acquaintances brought on a whim/my DC will get used to it (DC didn't like/was scared of cats) kitten recently via my MIL who volunteers for Cats protection.

Any animal is a huge commitment and should not be forced on someone else. Tell her to take the kitten to Cats Protection or similar, they will health check and vacs it, chip and neuter it and find the best home possible having checked the potential owners out before letting them have it. My MIL's experience is that Cats Protection find kittens very easy to re-home.

runningonwillpower · 10/09/2013 17:45

A cat is a member of the family - everyone in the family has to be on board.

Also, when your baby comes, you will want 100% support from your husband. You definitely don't need the distraction of a kitten he did not want in the first place.

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 10/09/2013 17:47

FiveExclamations I have been in talks with cpl (3 different areas) over the last 2 weeks trying to find homes for 2 kittens, They desperatley need rehoming but cpl and every other cat resue in my area is over run and can not help at all, They are not my kittens btw.

StuntGirl · 10/09/2013 17:48

YWBVU.

Original poster
lagertops · 10/09/2013 17:49

Yes actually, im thinking about toxoplasmosis (spelling?) and thinking it wouldnt be fair to expect him to clean up after it all the time, regardless if he wanted it or not. subject Don't judge my maturity as a parent based on me considering a cat. Thats really got nothing to do with anything.

OP posts:
FiveExclamations · 10/09/2013 18:00

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking They do go through exceptionally busy periods where gluts of kittens/cats come in but MIL's experience is that once things settle the kittens will move through fairly quickly whereas older cats stay longer. Maybe it's just in her area, (or possibly she was exaggerating her shelter's efficiency).

I'm sorry you're in this position, I have been there (as mentioned above) and fortunately the Cats Protection branch in question did have space, but in the end MIL chose to keep the kitten herself. That kitten was lucky, completely fell on it's paws.

I would still advise the op's friend to try and get the kitten into a shelter and until that time do their best for it rather than just passing it on to the first person who offers.

farewellfigure · 10/09/2013 18:09

Don't do it. No matter how much you adore the kitten, as soon as the baby comes along it will just seem like a pain in the backside and something else that you have to deal with along with a newborn.

My cat is a pain. I love her to bits, but I would seriously consider never getting another one. Mostly due to...

wee and poo all over the carpets
dead mice in the house
live birds in the house
strange cats coming through the cat flap
being woken in the middle of the night by the cat jumping on my head
my clothes being picked to bits when she's being affectionate
the cat scratching DS because he can't read the subtle signals the cat gives out when she wants him to stop stroking her
the cat going off one brand of cat food and starving herself until we give in and buy something else
DS getting cat poo on his hands
dry cat poo on the arm of the sofa which I scratched and sniffed to identify
fleas
vet's bills

She doesn't scratch the furniture. Never has!

Most of these have been sorted but at the time they are INFURIATING.

And this is from someone who loves cats.

Original poster
lagertops · 10/09/2013 18:17

FiveExclamations its not set in stone that she's giving it away, she just mentioned that the kitten wasnt getting on with her collie (hissing) and I just mentioned, if anything to reassure her, that I could be an option as I was looking to rehome a cat anyway. But I think she'll keep it. I wouldnt accept the cat if I thought for one second OH would try to turf it out, he is not like that. But if he is right regarding scratching, then I would agree with him anyway. Don't want to lose rent deposit! Sorry to drip feed.

OP posts:
Original poster
lagertops · 10/09/2013 18:20

Thanks, farewell, some constructive advice there.

OP posts: