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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to get a cat against OH's wishes?

59 replies

lagertops · 10/09/2013 17:31

I have been looking at rehoming websites for a while now, but not really discussed it with him, as I was only really just browsing. But yesterday my colleague told me that her new kitten is not fitting in well and I told her I would be a potential back-up. I mentioned this to DP who says 'No it will scratch everything to pieces' to which I said 'but you can get repellents and cat scratching posts' but he won't budge. I'm going on mat leave at the end of the month, which will mean I will be at home to toilet train and attempt to train it from scratching. But is this really possible? And would I be really naughty to be like 'Surprise! I got us a present!' lol

OP posts:
FiveExclamations · 10/09/2013 20:32

Largertops Ah, I wondered what the problem was. If it's any help we got a puppy two years ago and it took some time for one of our cats to adjust, she was born feral and has always been a very outdoor cat, so when we realised she was avoiding coming into the house we set her up with a safe place in the conservatory where the puppy couldn't get at her (cardboard box, blankets, food bowls out there too for a while). We now use baby gates to keep the dog out of parts of the house so if either cats are feeling anti-dog they can get out of his way. Is she able to fiddle with the environment a bit?

I've never used it but a friend speaks well of felliway, the plug in pheromone thing that's supposed to calm cats down.

Anyway, whatever happens, I hope it all turns out well.

Chattymummyhere · 10/09/2013 21:28

I have two cats...

Both still kittens, one is great only scratches the pre-approved already ruined carpet... The other claws the sofa, steals food off your plate and in a pain in the ass...

You need dh fully on board first

Tabby1963 · 10/09/2013 21:36

Don't do it, lager. I am an ardent cat lover and have two. They are a big source of joy but also a big responsibility. They can live longer than dogs, my previous two cats lived to 17 and 18 years old but some can be over 20.

You are close to having your first baby, and that will be a wonderful, but extremely emotional experience for the both of you, it will change your lives for ever.

If your partner is not happy about you bringing a pet into the home, please respect his wishes. It would be a shame to bring conflict and a lack of trust into your relationship at this time.

theolddragon01876 · 10/09/2013 23:55

my Exh told my Ds1 he could get a kitten ( many years ago ). He then walked into the room I was in and told me no cat was coming into the house Confused

I spent a couple months pretending to phone the pound asking if they had kittens every time Ds1 asked "cos daddy promised I could have a kitten"

I decided fck it,the asshole promised the kid a kitten cos he wanted to be super fckin daddy and I was doing his dirty work for him. His little face every time I told him sorry Ds the pound has no kittens at the moment used to break my heart

I got him a beautiful black and white cat from the shelter. Bugger did that boy love his cat and she seemed to love him back. She was beautiful in every way,gentle,loving and friendly and beautiful to look at too

We had her for 5 months when we went on vacation. My neighbor looked after her. Dickhead Exh came home a week before us ( we had gone to Scotland to visit my family ).

What a huge surprise the cat "ran away" in the week he was home

Bastard expected me to believe this ( he had taken another cat of mine and then my dog to the pound when I was out in separate incidents)
I had to go along with it for Ds sake but I never forgave him for it ( should have gotten rid of him before he got rid of my pets) :(

MyBaby1day · 11/09/2013 05:03

YABU, you should both be in agreement, getting any animal is a real responsibility i.e. vet fees (getting the time to go if you work), spending time with the cat, holidays etc. and should you be away/fall ill (God forbid) he would be it's sole carer and so I think you should both discuss getting a cat first. Be responsible please.

Crowler · 11/09/2013 05:59

My husband got a cat about eight years ago against my wishes. I HATE cats, the cat didn't last.

livinginwonderland · 11/09/2013 07:05

YABU. I have two kittens (they're about eight months now) and you cannot teach them not to scratch - don't kid yourself with that one.

They're indoor cats because we live in a third-floor flat on a busy road, so we don't have to deal with dead birds or whatever, and they do happily kill any flies and spiders that find their way inside, which is a bonus! They also came litter-trained and apart from one accident on their first night here, they've always found the litter tray.

BUT I would never get a pet without DP being on board. He loves the kitties and they really are adorable, but they do scratch everything, they leave fur all over your clothes, bedding and carpets and as they grow, they CLIMB.

Mine get up on the fridge, the work surfaces, into the drawers which they've learned how to open, the bath, the sink, the top of cupboards...everywhere. They climb up the curtains and get everywhere. With a baby, you'd really need to be on top of keeping everything clean, probably shutting them out of the kitchen if possible, making sure litter tray is not within baby's reach or access etc. It's a lot of work with a newborn and if your DP isn't on board, kitty will be looking for it's third home.

gamerchick · 11/09/2013 07:16

My husband adores cats but I have a special kind of dislike for them that he wouldn't dream of even suggesting to get a cat, never mind getting one behind my back.

Why on earth you think you'll have the time or gumption to train what is basically an untrainable animal not to scratch when you've just had a baby is toatly beyond me. I'm taking this is your first baby?

JaneTennison · 11/09/2013 07:55

YABU unreasonable. Imagine if your DH did this? Or six months opdown the lne brought in a dog, a rat or a lizard, and you got no say.

Shocking.

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