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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to get a cat against OH's wishes?

59 replies

lagertops · 10/09/2013 17:31

I have been looking at rehoming websites for a while now, but not really discussed it with him, as I was only really just browsing. But yesterday my colleague told me that her new kitten is not fitting in well and I told her I would be a potential back-up. I mentioned this to DP who says 'No it will scratch everything to pieces' to which I said 'but you can get repellents and cat scratching posts' but he won't budge. I'm going on mat leave at the end of the month, which will mean I will be at home to toilet train and attempt to train it from scratching. But is this really possible? And would I be really naughty to be like 'Surprise! I got us a present!' lol

OP posts:
wannaBe · 10/09/2013 18:25

I have vowed that once my cats go off through the great cat flap in the sky I won't be having any more.

You are delusional if you think you can train a cat not to scratch btw. Grin

Aside from that, kittens will hiss at the dog - it's what they do to assert their boundaries. give it a couple of weeks and the cat and the dog will become friends. Tell your friend to stick it out and it'll be fine.

expatinscotland · 10/09/2013 18:27

Once our cats shuffle off this mortal coil, we are sticking to hamsters.

CharityFunDay · 10/09/2013 18:36

You're on maternity leave and you want to get a cat?

It is a Well Known Fact that cats suck the breath out of sleeping infants at night.

YWBU

BMW6 · 10/09/2013 18:39

YABVVU. Don't do it.

Amy106 · 10/09/2013 18:40

Sorry but no. It is not fair on anyone, including the cat, to bring a new pet home unless everything in the family thinks it's a good idea. Can you visit cats at a rescue home to get your "cat time" instead?

teenagetantrums · 10/09/2013 18:41

I got one without telling my ex, told him it was just for a few weeks, he ended up loving her and when we split up our years later she went with him, I saw him today and kitty still happy at his, do you think you DH will come round, I knew my ex would as his family always had cats.

PresidentServalan · 10/09/2013 18:45

You don't usually have to toilet train a kitten, if that helps - they usually come ready trained by the mother. As for your DH, LTB! Grin My mum announced a couple of years ago to my dad that she wanted another Siamese cat, she knew someone who had a kitten for sale. Not only did my dad agree, when they went to pay for the kitten, he decided that HE would pay for him!

littlemisssarcastic · 10/09/2013 18:46

Haven't had a cat for years now, but agree with everyone else. You can't teach a cat not to scratch.
Incidentally, why do you want a cat? Especially when you are having a baby soon.

My cats were lovely, but I don't want another, even though I had cats for many years.
They leave fur everywhere, all over your clothes, sofa's, floors, bedding. They jump on your kitchen worktops when you're not looking and leave fur up tiles, and I didn't like to think where they had been before they were leaping onto my worktops. Ewww.
They brought half dead birds in, I found a headless fish in my garden, voles, mice and played with and ate big spiders.
They do that thing where they knead you and if you have thin clothes on, it bloody hurts.
They shit all over my garden too.
They also ran up my curtains.

You've heard about people being drains or radiators? Well, cats are drains as opposed to dogs being radiators.

This doesn't touch on the vets bills, immunisations, neutering, food, worming treatment, flea treatment.

I loved my cats, and have fond memories of them. They were entertaining more than anything.
Your baby will find a cat very entertaining when they are mobile, although the cat wont necessarily like it, and as well as scratching your furniture and you, a cat will scratch your baby once baby is mobile and grabs cat.

I wouldn't, I really wouldn't, not until your baby is much much older.

miffybun73 · 10/09/2013 18:49

Yes YABU.

Writerwannabe83 · 10/09/2013 18:52

When I first moved in with my non-husband I so, so desperately wanted a cat. I begged and pleaded for months which included reading articles to him about cats and showing him photos of cats to try and make him see how super, duper wonderful they are!! He was having none of it - I also got the speech about how they ruin the house (yawn) Hmm

Anyway, after about 6 months he finally caved!!! He said that it was clear he wasn't going to get any peace and two weeks later I got two kittens!!

And surprise, surprise, he absolutely fell in love with them!!!!!!

They are now two years old and they are his little angels! They absolutely adore him too, following him around the house, going to him for cuddles etc and he is so soppy with them Smile

I wouldn't get a cat behind your partner's back because that just isn't fair, but don't underestimate the power of nagging!!!! Grin

Good luck!!!!

NatashaBee · 10/09/2013 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lagertops · 10/09/2013 19:00

Not married btw.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 10/09/2013 19:01

I think it is normally a very bad idea indeed to get a pet as a "present" or "surprise". They are living, sentient beings, with animal instincts all of their own (including scratching, mouthing, biting etc.).

Acquiring a pet at all needs to be properly thought through, with all family members in agreement and fully understanding what to expect.

I have a 12 year old cat. I have had him since he was 7 weeks old and love him to bits. However, your OH's fears about the scratching are well founded. When my cat was a youngster he scratched his cat scratching post and also everything else around the house. He did seem to outgrow the worst of it as he matured, though probably just used fence posts outside instead anyway. I still catch him clawing things occasionally.

Then think of the dead (and even live) animals a cat may bring back into the house. I have had to clear up the entrails of dead mice, frogs, toads, birds and sometimes other unrecognisable things. Cats are hunters, and not for the faint hearted, so be aware of what you are taking on. Your hubby may not like it, and is entitled to his opinion.

Add in food bills, vet bills, medical insurance if you choose it.

specialsubject · 10/09/2013 19:06

wow, there are some people on here that it must be entertaining to be married to.

BTW if it is a rental and you aren't allowed pets, don't get a cat. Grounds for eviction and then whistling for future rentals, except from the kinds of landlords that you won't want to rent from.

worsestershiresauce · 10/09/2013 19:06

If you are renting it isn't just your DP you have to convince, it is your landlord. Many, well actually most don't accept pets. Those who do will usually take an extra damages deposit and require you to have a professional deep clean of the property when you move out. That will be expensive.

Check your lease contract to see if pets are permitted.

However I'm on the side of those saying you never ever get a pet if not everyone in the house wants one.

lagertops · 10/09/2013 19:09

worsestershiresauce Pets are permitted in my lease.

OP posts:
ziggiestardust · 10/09/2013 19:11

Add message | Report | Message poster Waffling Tue 10-Sep-13 17:35:38
I hope he surprises you with a pet boa constrictor. Such lolz!

Ahahahaaaaa! Grin

Feminine · 10/09/2013 19:11

We are going to re-home an older cat , about 2 yrs old.

They can poo outside, and will be over the mutilation of the home phase.

anyway back to you, I don't think you are being that unreasonable.

Its very tempting...

What about getting an older -ish one?

TheFallenNinja · 10/09/2013 19:13

cats shit everywhere, they treat you like a UN food wagon / food delivery service and are aloof knobheads.

IAmMiranda · 10/09/2013 19:15

YANBU in my opinion. If you want the kitten and can provide it a loving home - get the kitten.

Not all kittens scratch furniture either. Mine never did.

thebody · 10/09/2013 19:15

my cats will be better company tonight than dh and dds as the footi is on.

I had my older cat while pregnant with dc3 and it was fine but you can't do this without partner being on message. it's a huge commitment or should be!

comingalongnicely · 10/09/2013 19:20

My lot have been briefed to make sure any unrequested animal that comes through the door is of a flushable size....

I'm afraid "Tiddles" would escape & never be seen again....

eatyouwithaspoon · 10/09/2013 19:24

I wouldn't in your position (and I love cats and had 3 when my dc were babies) It will need to use a tray which your partner will need to deal with, presumably your imcome will be reducing, there will be jabs, insurance and neutering to pay for and do you want to be caring for a young baby with a playful kitten running up your legs with its needle claws?

sunshinemeg · 10/09/2013 19:25

My OH wasn't keen on the idea of me getting a house rabbit 3 years ago. I promised she would be my responsibility and he didn't need to do a thing. Flash forward to today and he adores her. She has a large section in the living room as her daytime home but is free to come out all evening. OH will spend hours making a fuss of her.

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 10/09/2013 20:16

lagertops I have to agree with specialsubject regarding your maturity.
There is so much advice on here for you and all you are willing to comment on is you are not married and pets are permitted in your lease Hmm

You are really not being fair on your dp, your unborn and also the kitten.