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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

shouted after my boys' bully

39 replies

turbochildren · 22/08/2013 13:07

We were walking along the road, this boy whizzes by on his bike (with a friend) and starts calling names to my boys. They then stop quite close to us and carry on making rude comments towards us. I was going to just ignore it, but he was saying something I couldn't quite hear and I know in the past he has called my sons 'fucking idiots', so against better judgement I shouted: That's enough of that, you can piss right off!
The kids were about 10-12 yrs old.
AIBU?
I felt shaken, but quite justified in my reaction.

OP posts:

Edendance · 22/08/2013 13:09

I can see why you were cross but you showed them rude comments were wrong by... Making a rude comment?? Not really ideal is it? They are more than old enough to know better but they are still kids and you need to remember that you should be setting a good example.

Coconutty · 22/08/2013 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyBryan · 22/08/2013 13:13

I don't think you were unreasonable for calling them on their unacceptable behaviour. But you were unreasonable for your unacceptable behaviour. You could have dealt with it far better.

Original poster

turbochildren · 22/08/2013 13:13

yes, I know I was wrong with the piss off bit. They did follow us and carried on saying things, and during my next outburst I did refrain from using rude words. I saud (shouted) you've been rude and nasty to my boys and I'm not having it, stop it now.

OP posts:

Original poster

turbochildren · 22/08/2013 13:20

It's happened before. I very rarely confront people, and prefer to walk away. So I exploded, and am not proud that I used rude words. It was so uncalled for though, the way the kids were behaving, and not the first time it has happened. The boys have both been bothered at school, and on two occasions at the playground, totally unprovoked. I can't stand for kids or grown ups to think that it's ok behaviour. That's what I said to my boys anyway. Maybe the piss off lost me the moral highground.
The worry is now that I've made it worse for my sons when they go back to school, as apparently this little charmer gets away with murder.

OP posts:

biryani · 22/08/2013 13:21

I think it was brave to have a go back at them, no matter how your response was phrased. Many people would have backed away. Hopefully these boys will leave yours alone in future.

SoupDragon · 22/08/2013 13:22

I can see why you were cross but you showed them rude comments were wrong by... Making a rude comment??

She told them to piss off, she didn't insult them or bully them.

Lweji · 22/08/2013 13:23

I don't think YWBU.

Piss off is not that bad. And maybe your DS will copy you.

Original poster

turbochildren · 22/08/2013 13:27

well, no. Piss off is not the worst, I did refrain from using the f-word, and did not call them any names. I also pointed out carefully to my boys that as we are not impressed by the namecalling, we do not call them nasty things back. BUT we are allowed to say: I'm not having this, go away.
My oldest is considered fair game, I think, because he's a bit different.
I'm tiny, so no-one would ever be physically intimidated by me. (unless I develop magical kung-fu skills very suddenly)

OP posts:

Ragusa · 22/08/2013 13:31

I really don't think YWBU at all. They sound horrific. It's good you stood up for your kids - it would have been far worse if you'd done/ said nothing. That would have sent a really bad message to your DC.

What's the school doing about these bullies?

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 22/08/2013 13:36

I don't think you were being unreasonable at all.

kilmuir · 22/08/2013 13:36

well done you, cheeky sods thinking they can bully your DC when you are present.
I don't pander to this ' you should not have reacted like that' nonsense. I had a 'word' with a boy who had relentlessly bullied my DD. he never tried it again

MammaTJ · 22/08/2013 13:42

I would have filmed them and reported to the police myself, with them being over 10.

They would probably recognise them and go and 'have a word' at least. We do have particularly good PCSOs round here though, so maybe not the same for everyone.

SirChenjin · 22/08/2013 13:45

YANBU - good for you for sticking up for your DCs

ElleBelly · 22/08/2013 13:46

YWNBU. They sound horrible little shites and needed to be told by the sound of things.

Original poster

turbochildren · 22/08/2013 13:55

I asked the boys what the teachers say to the bullies at school. Nothing, apparently. They just let them wander about. I know there are a few from difficult backgrounds, and that is sad. I still don't think it gives them carte blanche to behave badly, as that will not help them later in life. Not sure about this particular boy, but my kids say the school just lets him eat sweets and go round the school at will. (this could well be an exaggeration from my kids) but another mum talked to me about how her boy was being called paki, being shoved around etc by what I'm pretty sure is this same boy. The school did not do anything except saying that bullying is not tolerated in school.
Luckily my kids are leaving this school, may not even bother to go back for the few days after the hols now.
MTJ, I did not have the wherewithal to film!
Thanks for supportive comments. I wish I hadn't said piss off, but want to teach my boys to stand up for themselves.

OP posts:

Lilicat1013 · 22/08/2013 19:16

I don't think you were wrong for telling them to piss off, I would have said worse.

If someone dared to say anything to one of my boys in front of me I would ensure I scare them so bad they wouldn't be doing it again.

I was bullied all through school and mostly it was just ignored. I was left feels as if I deserved it, as if I was so defective I warranted that sort of treatment.

Go in the school and get them to deal with it, every say if necessarily. Don't let them allow the brats to get away with it.

grants1000 · 22/08/2013 19:24

Yes good for you, I'd do exactly the same. You were not settingn your personal manifesto on language & behaviour, but standing up for you and your DC's against some goby little shits!

thebody · 22/08/2013 19:29

schools generally do fuck all about bullies.

the only possible way to deal with a bully is to fight back.

I would have grabbed the bike, thrust my face in his and told him if he bullied my son again I would fucking rip his head off.

teach your sons its fine to fight back if they absolutely need to.

afraid all this crap about walking away and ignoring it doesn't work and makes it worse.

the advice to do this is usually from parents of toddlers or small children who have no idea what its like in the riugh high school years or from teachers who know they are powerless to act.

glad your children are moving school and suggest a martial arts class or similar.

alemci · 22/08/2013 19:32

so sorry to hear that. I think i would have said something like 'if you haven't got anything pleasant to say then go away and leave us alone. would your parents be happy to hear about this"

It's easy to comment though when you are not in the situation. are they boys he knows or just random?

Sanctimummy · 22/08/2013 19:36

I would have pushed them off their bikes. YWNBU.

RibenaFiend · 22/08/2013 19:36

I don't think I would have followed exactly the same path as thebody but I have been known to ask children if would be impressed with their behaviour because if they're not sure then I would be happy to discuss it with them. (I work in a lot of schools and know a lot of heads on first name terms!)

But I'm a meanie

RibenaFiend · 22/08/2013 19:37

Missing word ^^ is head teacher! Sorry!!!

Original poster

turbochildren · 23/08/2013 08:24

Feel better about it now :) The boys are worried though, as this is a guy they know from school and who's bothered them before. Don't think his parents would care...
We talked lots about it, as it shook us all up, and I stood by my opinion that no-one talks to me or anyone like that, and unless we tell them clearly that we will not take it, they'll continue.
Grinning at the Body, I'm just aware I don't pack much of a punch physically. Martial arts will be started once we've moved, for sure!

OP posts:

Catinthebed · 23/08/2013 08:42

Turbo I have been in similar situation. Stop worrying you ard giving these bullies too much space in your head.

Our situation has improved dramatically after a few months of Jujitsu. Dd 8 has fought back to her 12 year old male bully and won. It didn't do his image much good. The major thing that Jujitsu has done is give her and her brother more self confidence. They no longer slink away when someone gives them grief and that makes them less of a target.

Good luck with the move.

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