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AIBU?

shouted after my boys' bully

39 replies

turbochildren · 22/08/2013 13:07

We were walking along the road, this boy whizzes by on his bike (with a friend) and starts calling names to my boys. They then stop quite close to us and carry on making rude comments towards us. I was going to just ignore it, but he was saying something I couldn't quite hear and I know in the past he has called my sons 'fucking idiots', so against better judgement I shouted: That's enough of that, you can piss right off!
The kids were about 10-12 yrs old.
AIBU?
I felt shaken, but quite justified in my reaction.

OP posts:

Report

Sparklysilversequins · 23/08/2013 14:15

My Mum did it twice on different occasions when I was young, I wanted to die of shame, but they never said anything to me again so it worked. I would do it.

turbochildren · 23/08/2013 13:52

Thanks for good advice. We are moving to a more rural area so it depends what martial arts are available there. I know there used to be jujiutsu classes, decades ago :) I will join too, for sure!
I should have gone to that Shaolin temple in Archway when I had the chance...grr. That would have put any bullies in their place.
Well, this has given me a boost! thank you everyone!

OP posts:

Lweji · 23/08/2013 12:09

If you go the martial arts route for bullying, then look for a Krav Maga class for children.

And you could join too. :)

It's not a martial art, it's all about self defense (no rules and no complicated techniques).

thebody · 23/08/2013 11:29

it is a bit sad to day these things but its the only way that works unfortunately.

defiantly would do the martial arts or such like. it's not so much learning a Kung foo kick //😃 its the confidence it builds.

also tell your lads its fine to shout in the bullies face and look in the eye. all these things will get them to back off a little.

hope all goes well and love the GoldenHandShakes post. that's great advice.

my dds have big brothers and they have been roped in too.

there are some nasty families out there.

JerseySpud · 23/08/2013 11:18

ywdnbu i would have told them to piss off as well

grants1000 · 23/08/2013 10:52

Here Here The Body!!

CrackedNipplesSuchFun · 23/08/2013 10:24

OP, good for you.

As said UT, its the only way to to handle bullies.

For your DCs to see a parent sticking up for them is so empowering. the confidence that will give them will be huge.

I was badly bullied... physically. If my mum (or any type of authority) had stuck up for me I know alot of my confidence problems I have now woukd not be as bad. I so tthought when I was young that it was my fault and deserved it.

Go you, OP!

StupidFlanders · 23/08/2013 10:19

I'm shocked they did the bullying in front of you. I'd have let rip at anyone having a go at my family in my presence.

Coconutty · 23/08/2013 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Feminine · 23/08/2013 10:07

At one time, I wouldn't have done as thebody suggested.

These days, I SO would.

The schools do nothing. Its up to parents unfortunately.

At my children's school, its hard...very rural village. You don't know whose family you might upset.

However, I think its perfectly acceptable to help our children.

Goldenhandshake · 23/08/2013 09:51

I don't think you were wrong at all, sometime I do feel a bully needs to be intimidated themselves to realise how awful their behaviour makes others feels, call it just desserts if you like.

The only way the three girls who were awful to me at school (I was jumped by them aged 14) were stopped in their tracks was when my mother roped in her friend (who looks younger so got away with looking like an older teen) cornered them, told them she was my big cousin and would kick seven shades of shit out of them if they laid a finger on me again. Worked a treat no matter how unorthodox it may seem. What you did was far milder and I can't see that as wrong.

peggyundercrackers · 23/08/2013 09:39

i would have done as thebody - its the only thing bullies understand.

turbochildren · 23/08/2013 09:21

That is encouraging Cat!
Probably overthinking it as it gives me a break from other fuckwittery going on ... :)
Fed up of being someone people think they can walk all over, and really don't want that for my children.
It seems to be bully-week for our family, and this standing-up malarkey is new to us. But it does feel good!

OP posts:

meddie · 23/08/2013 08:59

Im with TheBody on this one.

Catinthebed · 23/08/2013 08:42

Turbo I have been in similar situation. Stop worrying you ard giving these bullies too much space in your head.

Our situation has improved dramatically after a few months of Jujitsu. Dd 8 has fought back to her 12 year old male bully and won. It didn't do his image much good. The major thing that Jujitsu has done is give her and her brother more self confidence. They no longer slink away when someone gives them grief and that makes them less of a target.

Good luck with the move.

turbochildren · 23/08/2013 08:24

Feel better about it now :) The boys are worried though, as this is a guy they know from school and who's bothered them before. Don't think his parents would care...
We talked lots about it, as it shook us all up, and I stood by my opinion that no-one talks to me or anyone like that, and unless we tell them clearly that we will not take it, they'll continue.
Grinning at the Body, I'm just aware I don't pack much of a punch physically. Martial arts will be started once we've moved, for sure!

OP posts:

RibenaFiend · 22/08/2013 19:37

Missing word ^^ is head teacher! Sorry!!!

RibenaFiend · 22/08/2013 19:36

I don't think I would have followed exactly the same path as thebody but I have been known to ask children if would be impressed with their behaviour because if they're not sure then I would be happy to discuss it with them. (I work in a lot of schools and know a lot of heads on first name terms!)

But I'm a meanie

Sanctimummy · 22/08/2013 19:36

I would have pushed them off their bikes. YWNBU.

alemci · 22/08/2013 19:32

so sorry to hear that. I think i would have said something like 'if you haven't got anything pleasant to say then go away and leave us alone. would your parents be happy to hear about this"

It's easy to comment though when you are not in the situation. are they boys he knows or just random?

thebody · 22/08/2013 19:29

schools generally do fuck all about bullies.

the only possible way to deal with a bully is to fight back.

I would have grabbed the bike, thrust my face in his and told him if he bullied my son again I would fucking rip his head off.

teach your sons its fine to fight back if they absolutely need to.

afraid all this crap about walking away and ignoring it doesn't work and makes it worse.

the advice to do this is usually from parents of toddlers or small children who have no idea what its like in the riugh high school years or from teachers who know they are powerless to act.

glad your children are moving school and suggest a martial arts class or similar.

grants1000 · 22/08/2013 19:24

Yes good for you, I'd do exactly the same. You were not settingn your personal manifesto on language & behaviour, but standing up for you and your DC's against some goby little shits!

Lilicat1013 · 22/08/2013 19:16

I don't think you were wrong for telling them to piss off, I would have said worse.

If someone dared to say anything to one of my boys in front of me I would ensure I scare them so bad they wouldn't be doing it again.

I was bullied all through school and mostly it was just ignored. I was left feels as if I deserved it, as if I was so defective I warranted that sort of treatment.

Go in the school and get them to deal with it, every say if necessarily. Don't let them allow the brats to get away with it.

turbochildren · 22/08/2013 13:55

I asked the boys what the teachers say to the bullies at school. Nothing, apparently. They just let them wander about. I know there are a few from difficult backgrounds, and that is sad. I still don't think it gives them carte blanche to behave badly, as that will not help them later in life. Not sure about this particular boy, but my kids say the school just lets him eat sweets and go round the school at will. (this could well be an exaggeration from my kids) but another mum talked to me about how her boy was being called paki, being shoved around etc by what I'm pretty sure is this same boy. The school did not do anything except saying that bullying is not tolerated in school.
Luckily my kids are leaving this school, may not even bother to go back for the few days after the hols now.
MTJ, I did not have the wherewithal to film!
Thanks for supportive comments. I wish I hadn't said piss off, but want to teach my boys to stand up for themselves.

OP posts:

ElleBelly · 22/08/2013 13:46

YWNBU. They sound horrible little shites and needed to be told by the sound of things.

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