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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be bothered about other people's wedding anniversaries?

71 replies

ChickenLickenSticken · 06/08/2013 20:10

I don't expect people to remember our wedding anniversary and find it an odd concept to remember other people's.

Fair enough if its a biggie and they want to gather people to celebrate with them, but am I out of order to think otherwise a passing "happy 3rd anniversary"is sufficient and that buying a card is just a bit, well, overkill?

I don't expect people to remember significant dates that don't relate to them. Simples.

OP posts:
mrsannekins · 06/08/2013 20:14

I always remember the biggies, but like you, I don't get sending cards etc on other annivesaries. DMIL texts me to remind me when her wedding anniversary is so that I can send her a card.

Don't get me wrong, if its mentionned in passing or someone says they're doing something nice one evening or at the weekend, I will always say congratulations, but I don't go out of my way. I don't expect anything else from other people.

WhispersOfWickedness · 06/08/2013 20:20

YANBU, I don't remember anyone else's wedding anniversary. Every year we get three cards on our anniversary from other people and whilst it is lovely of them to remember, I am always a bit Confused about it!

LindyHemming · 06/08/2013 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CombineBananaFister · 06/08/2013 20:21

I agree unless it's parents and it's a big one 9as they brought you into the world and you should be grateful) , otherwise to me, it's just about you and DH remembering Hmm and celebrating Hmm

Our 10 year anniversary was this week and i didn't expect anyone to notice but some family did which was lovely even if it was to say very yorkshire-like that we wuda got less fir muurda! But sometimes if you've had a tough run of it and illness it probably feels like more of an achievement/celebration and gets a bit more notice than normal.

YANBU unless they're are mitigating circumstances where it's good to have a bit of positive and rejoice in it

AnyoneforTurps · 06/08/2013 20:22

YANBU - I have forgotten my own 6 years out of the 7 since I was married Grin

Original poster
ChickenLickenSticken · 06/08/2013 20:23

Oh good I'm glad it's not just me....

I went round someone's house earlier and saw lots of anniversary cards and they said something along the lines of "thanks for remembering" with rolly-eyes and my first thought was "my life is fucking hectic at the moment, I work 4 days a week, have a demanding 19 month old to care for, a husband who works long hours, a house that needs maintaining and tidying, sometimes I put the remote control in the fridge and can't find it for days and you're judging me for forgetting a day that quite frankly bears no relevance on my life".

I just smiled and said "ahh, how nice, happy anniversary, have a nice meal out tonight".

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 06/08/2013 20:23

I'm always surprised when we receive anniversary cards from one of our random invitees 13 years ago... but it's nice, and they go on the Christmas Card list.

I don't know how long anyone else has been married unless they tell me. (Including my parents!)

Justforlaughs · 06/08/2013 20:26

I try to remember my DPs special ones and that's where MY interest ends tbh. I don't even do anything for my own. I don't really get the whole "we've been together for x number of years today, woopee!" thing

Alconleigh · 06/08/2013 20:26

Nope, don't mark people's anniversaries at all. Pretty sketchy on their kids' birthdays as well; there are too darn many of them for a start. I am a caring friend, honest Grin

Alisvolatpropiis · 06/08/2013 20:28

Yanbu.

Besides my parents and grandparents (hey,they've loved each other a long time) I really am not interested in.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 06/08/2013 20:30

I don't remember people's anniversaries and I don't expect them to remember ours either. I'm always surprised when we get a few cards. It's lovely, obviously but I don't expect it, it's something for me and DH to celebrate.

FreeWee · 06/08/2013 20:32

I do first wedding anniversaries then just a Facebook message if I remember!

maybe3x · 06/08/2013 20:57

YANBU, I do cards for parents and for the 3 friends we've been best man/chief bridesmaid for but other than that no, don't expect random people to remember mine. I have enough trouble getting cards out on time for birthdays!

EndoplasmicReticulum · 06/08/2013 21:34

I hardly remember my own to be honest. I don't even know when my parents' is. My in-laws just had a "biggie" and husband didn't organise anything.

Bogeyface · 06/08/2013 21:38

Ime the ones that get wanky about you "forgetting" their anniversary are the ones who had the wedding of the century with matching Bride and Groomzillas.

I front it out now. "Oh is it? Happy Anniversary" "Didnt you remember? I thought you would, after all our wedding was such a special day" "Hmmm it was nice Wink but I only remember mine and my parents. Even my sister doesnt get a card! After all, who cares but you?"

:o

Lost me a couple of friends but I dont need anyone that self absorbed in my life thank you!

thejoysofboys · 06/08/2013 21:39

So it's just me that bothers, is it? I always send a card on the first anniversary to any couple who's wedding we've been to. I think the first year of marriage is special and it's nice to note that you've remembered their day too.

After that I send anniversary cards to close family (PILs, SIL) & to our two sets of best friends, but that's it.

Bogeyface · 06/08/2013 21:39

I should add that H and I had 2 anniversaries thanks to a balls up of dates. We had the date we had our big posh humanist wedding and reception and then the date (4 months later) when we had the registry office marriage and the pub piss up. I forgot both, every single year :o

Helltotheno · 06/08/2013 21:40

YANBU... as of right now, I'm hazy about the date I married my DH so bit of a reach remembering anyone else's...

Saying that, if anyone else wants to celebrate theirs and invites me along, I'm there if they're not nobbers

AwkwardSquad · 06/08/2013 22:02

I'm always a bit perplexed by the idea of anniversaries being marked by anyone except the couple themselves. Why on earth should anyone expect to be congratulated, year on year, for the act of getting married? So solipsistic. YANBU.

busyboysmum · 06/08/2013 22:08

Eek just realized it's our 14th wedding anniversary tomorrow (I think) YANBU we don't even mark it ourselves. I would be amazed if anyone else did.

Hulababy · 06/08/2013 22:10

I try to remember people's 1st anniversary and then after that just significant ones. If someone mentions theirs on FB or in RL I will say "happy anniversary" or similar, but that's it.

Likewise I don't expect others to remember my anniversary. DH and myself swap cards and we will generally go out for a meal (though we are normally away on holiday so its with DD). Was out 15th anniversary at the weekend and DH was out during the day at a friend's stag do (golf) = but he did compromise and chose to not stay for the night events and came home to share food and a bottle of fizz :)

Katiepoes · 06/08/2013 22:11

My Mum remembers ours. Good thing too - I managed to forget my first.

persimmon · 06/08/2013 22:11

I don't do anniversaries except biggies. For several years a dear friend sent us a card and my reaction each time as it plopped on the doormat was "Wow, this birthday card from DF is REALLY early!". Totes surprised when I opened it.

SuffolkNWhat · 06/08/2013 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SanityClause · 06/08/2013 22:16

We work together, and one of our staff always used to give us an anniversary card, which, frankly, I always found a bit weird.

DH likes to make a big thing of it, so we do, otherwise, I'd be happy with a card and a kiss.

More recently, we've bought one gift to share between us, which I like better, anyway.