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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be bothered about other people's wedding anniversaries?

71 replies

ChickenLickenSticken · 06/08/2013 20:10

I don't expect people to remember our wedding anniversary and find it an odd concept to remember other people's.

Fair enough if its a biggie and they want to gather people to celebrate with them, but am I out of order to think otherwise a passing "happy 3rd anniversary"is sufficient and that buying a card is just a bit, well, overkill?

I don't expect people to remember significant dates that don't relate to them. Simples.

OP posts:
kickassangel · 07/08/2013 01:11

It's my parents 50th wedding anniversary soon. They're having a big party. I know when the party is, and roughly when the actual anniversary is, but can't quite remember. I may need to find out the date, as I'm meant to be decorating a cake for them. I'm thinking 'sometime in September, 50 years ago' isn't what they want on the top.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 07/08/2013 01:20

Oh, I'm so glad this isn't just me. I'm friends with a couple who always organise drinks/dinner for their anniversary, and always invite us - not for biggies, but for all of them, so far they've been married ten years - and I think it's completely odd. It's a wedding anniversary, it's a couples-only celebration. I don't want to come and celebrate it.

I haven't a clue when anyone else I know got married, even if I was a bridesmaid.

PilgrimSoul · 07/08/2013 01:31

awkwardsquad, just looked up solipsistic. So apt, and I have a new word!!

KeatsiePie · 07/08/2013 01:40

YANBU at all. I am astonished that my parents and PILs remember ours -- they send cards and gifts or money, and it's lovely, but I am always surprised that they do. I am not great at remembering theirs but am trying to improve.

PeriodMath · 07/08/2013 02:10

I've noticed this is something that enrages MNers. So many baffled if someone congratulates them on their anniversary, utterly disgusted if their mother sends them a card. What a freak.

No, I don't go out of my way to mark other people's anniversaries but I know lots of their dates and always text my siblings and the friend I was a bridesmaid for. Where's the harm?

KeatsiePie · 07/08/2013 02:41

Disgusted, really? I find it a bit amazing that people remember b/c it's so hard for me to remember that kind of thing myself, but can't imagine being offended by an anniversary card, it's a lovely thing to do.

FirstStopCafe · 07/08/2013 04:43

YANBU. I remember my parents and as my dm has passed away always make sure my dad knows I'm thinking of him. I also remember my siblings and send them a text. Don't expect anyone but dh and I to remember or acknowledge ours though.

My MIL is a bit precious about them though. She tried to make us feel very guilty for not getting them a card last year when we'd forgotten

Catsize · 07/08/2013 05:31

awkward, I like the word 'solipsistic'. I will use it. Off to find dictionary...
Oh, and OP, you are very reasonable indeed.

ComposHat · 07/08/2013 05:49

I send me mum and dad a card, but that's about it. It is a big deal to them for some reason and woe betide us if we forgot the card as kids.

We've yet to make it to the 1st anniversary, but neither of us appear particularly arsed by it. Certainly wouldn't expect anyone else to make a song and dance over it.

MrsMikePeasbody · 07/08/2013 05:55

I can barely remember my own anniversary. Dh and I make a big deal about birthdays and Christmas but our anniversary just seems to pass by, cards are exchanged but that's it. I certainly don't expect a card from anyone else and likewise I don't send them either.
We only send cards if it is a big anniversary (silver etc) and only to my parents. I wouldn't have a clue when other people got married and I don't really care Grin

MrsMikePeasbody · 07/08/2013 05:57

Oh and YANBU re. anniversaries.

YABU for using the word 'simples' unless you ARE that feckin annoying meerkat.

exoticfruits · 07/08/2013 06:01

I mark the 'big' ones but nothing beyond that for anyone, except ours.

AwkwardSquad · 07/08/2013 07:12

Catsize and Pilgrim, I had to check the spelling... Pretentious, moi? Grin

FruOla · 07/08/2013 07:13

There's only one couple's wedding anniversary that I remember - but that was because they got married on the DW's birthday! I sent them a card on their 1st, but not since then.

I can't even remember the anniversary the one, and only, time I was a bridesmaid.

And as for the friend who said to me one day "today would have been XH's and my 10th wedding anniversary" and seemed a bit upset that (a) I hadn't remembered the date and (b) the fact she was referring to the arsehole she'd divorced a few years earlier .................... well, words failed me.

OverTheFieldsAndFarAway · 07/08/2013 09:12

We don't celebrate our own never mind anyone else's . With the exception of my parents, they have been married for 56 years and I give them a card to say thank you and well done( which is what I write in the card). A woman I know used to happily try and rub my nose in how wonderful her husband was at showering her with gifts every year, how much in love they were after all these years, the importance of marking the occasion etc, then she found out he had been parking his knob in her best friends fanjo for years!!!!!

Bogeyface · 07/08/2013 10:00

Fru I know someone who did that! Got very snotty that no one remembered that it would have been her silver wedding anniversary with the man that she had divorced over ten years earlier for shagging her best friend!

FruOla · 07/08/2013 10:50

There's nowt so strange as folk, eh, Bogey? For some reason, just because I'd been to their wedding, I was supposed remember the date 10 years later - when I'd been trying to put her arsehole XH out of my mind for the previous few years.

".....he had been parking his knob in her best friends fanjo for years" made me Grin

Jan49 · 07/08/2013 11:06

I'm a bit puzzled by the idea that you shouldn't send cards for someone's wedding anniversary because you don't expect people to remember significant dates that don't relate to them. ConfusedIn that case you wouldn't send birthday cards either since the birthday relates to them, not you.

I think it's an older generation thing. Weddings and wedding anniversaries used to be far more significant. I was married for over 10 years, now divorced, and used to get cards from some of the older family friends and a card and money/present from my inlaws every year and my inlaws always used to mention what was connected to that anniversary - paper, cotton etc - and they'd sometimes buy a relevant item. For years I sent anniversary cards to my best friend and to a family member. I've now stopped after reading on here last year that people thought it was weird. I hate to think that every wedding anniversary the couple exchanged cards and received one other card from Jan and thought it was weird. Blush But actually I don't think they would.

I have a good memory for dates. I still remember my own wedding anniversary though I'm divorced and I remember other significant dates. I often buy flowers on the anniversary of a death or the deceased's birthday and put them by their photo. But it would never occur to me to notice if someone hadn't sent me an anniversary card. I think things like the date you got married remain part of your history, even when the marriage ends. But in the past the wedding was the beginning of your life together whereas now it usually takes place when you're already cohabiting and is less life-changing.

Bogeyface · 07/08/2013 11:07

I just worked with her Fru so wasnt expected to remember just expected to put up with her whinging about it. I would hate to be family or a friend of hers!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 07/08/2013 12:37

My PIL don't understand why anyone needs to send them a card for their anniversary. They say, it's not like we were even there when they got married!

chicaguapa · 07/08/2013 12:43

I always send a first anniversary card for people whose wedding I've been to. I think it's a nice touch. But I wouldn't send anything after that.

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