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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be bothered about other people's wedding anniversaries?

71 replies

ChickenLickenSticken · 06/08/2013 20:10

I don't expect people to remember our wedding anniversary and find it an odd concept to remember other people's.

Fair enough if its a biggie and they want to gather people to celebrate with them, but am I out of order to think otherwise a passing "happy 3rd anniversary"is sufficient and that buying a card is just a bit, well, overkill?

I don't expect people to remember significant dates that don't relate to them. Simples.

OP posts:
capitola · 06/08/2013 22:18

We make a big fuss of our own, and a minor fuss (eg bottle of champagne and a card) of parents' and siblings' anniversaries.

Never for friends though.

RaspberrySnowCone · 06/08/2013 22:21

I find it odd that someone other than your husband/wife expects to remember your anniversary. My parents got us a card for our first, as did the couple who were our witnesses along with a paper gift which was unexpected and lovely. My parents pulled me up on not remembering their anniversary one year. This was in July. I had to remind them that they actually got married in August.

kickassangel · 06/08/2013 22:24

Our parents both like to send us cards, even though they know that we both hate cards, think them a waste of money and resources. One year I was visiting MIL in the UK and her and my parents had got together and done cards and kept them hidden until the day, then they were presented, "ta da" when I came down for breakfast. Dh was at home in the US and still sound asleep but I was supposed to be celebrating and opening cards.

Felt really weird.

Squitten · 06/08/2013 22:25

We got a handful of cards from people on our first anniversary, which was nice, but nobody has ever remembered since then and I would never expect them to. It's nice to celebrate the big milestones but beyond that it's a personal celebration!

kickassangel · 06/08/2013 22:27

I also got told off and a slap wrist (literally) fromMIL one time cos I forgot her anniversary.

I told her dh did cards for his side of the family, and she shut up. Her dh was a second marriage, not even my dh's dad, and I had never known when their anniversary was.

We're just not into making a fuss over things, but I guess MIL is.

ShoeWhore · 06/08/2013 22:28

One of our friends is very good at remembering birthdays and anniversaries, which in the case of the anniversary is always much appreciated by dh and I as it's a handy reminder for us Grin

squoosh · 06/08/2013 22:29

It wouldn't occur to me to remember my friends wedding anniversaries. Surely that's a celebration for two people alone? Confused

Kasterborous · 06/08/2013 22:32

YANBU I sent my sisters a card for their first ones and will for the 10th, 25th ect. I can't remember when most of my friends anniversary are and they probably couldn't tell you when ours is either. I have enough trouble remembering our own. I forgot ours this year Blush.

breatheslowly · 06/08/2013 22:35

I try to remember ours, my parents', my GPs' and my PILs'. I wouldn't expect anyone apart from that list to remember ours. We just had ours and got cards from those people and no one else. I'd be pretty surprised if anyone I know had rows of cards.

PatTheHammer · 06/08/2013 22:36

It's mine today, 8 years and dh got me a card, we got one from his mum, dd made us one and one from my Granny.
More importantly my granny's card included a £20 M and S giftcard with a note instructing us to get a nice meal to enjoy on her. So I don't mind her remembering!
I don't even send dh a card but I do send close friends a 1st anniversary card and family members I will send one for a 'biggie'.

SwedishEdith · 06/08/2013 22:46

YANBU. I even hate it when people mention it on FB as then I feel I'm somehow being manipulated to congratulate them so I don't

squoosh · 06/08/2013 22:51

People who get irked that others don't remember their anniversary are the sort to go to the Dominican Republic to have their vows renewed.

SO YOU'LL HAVE TWO DATES TO REMEMBER!

IfIonlyhadsomesleep · 06/08/2013 22:54

Yanbu. Dhs mum remembers ours and that's about it apart from us.

Pascha · 06/08/2013 22:57

I often forget whether we married on the 3rd or 5th of the month. We do usually remember in time and get some steak in but its touch and go some years. I have no idea when my siblings anniversaries are. I've never bought a happy anniversary card.

MysteriousHamster · 06/08/2013 22:57

One of my work colleague gets really miffed when her close friends don't remember her wedding anniversary. "Well she should - she was there - she was a bridesmaid!" is the kind of thing she'll say.

I struggle to remember my mum and dad's wedding anniversary, never mind friends' anniversaries.

Fakebook · 06/08/2013 23:00

Yanbu. I don't expect anyone to remember my anniversary apart from DH, and it will be nice if my children remember when they're older. We used to get our parents presents and cards every year for their anniversary.

My sil huffed and puffed because as her in-laws we didn't celebrate and remember the god forsaken day she became part of our family after the first year. She had a pathetic tantrum about how we didn't acknowledge her first anniversary and how she was really hurt by our behaviour Confused. That was one funny day. I still get the giggles thinking about it.

Leeds2 · 06/08/2013 23:02

I sell Phoenix cards (for charity) and am always amazed at the number of anniversary cards that I sell.

I don't send any, apart from silver/ruby/golden parties I am invited to.

stupidgreatgrinonmyface · 06/08/2013 23:41

If the couple are very close friends whose wedding I attended, I tend to remember and would probably send a card. For family, I always used to acknowledge anniversaries of mine and DH parents and even though our DFs have all passed on, when it would have been a biggie, we still buy flowers just so our mums know we understand that it is a bittersweet date for them.
For us, well, today is our anniversary and we were lucky enough to get several cards from various family members who have always remembered and sent us a card. Most of their messages include a memory of our wedding day and it is a nice feeling to know that even though it was 30 years ago, they still have lovely memories of it.

LadyLech · 06/08/2013 23:44

Nope, I don't remember anyone else's wedding anniversary (except for my parents). Personally, I don't see it as anyone else's business except for the couple involved.

Some people do send us cards for our wedding anniversary, which I have to say I find rather odd and I never remember theirs in return. But then, I struggle to even remember my own wedding anniversary. My Dh tells me, that we'll be married 12 years next week. I couldn't even remember that Blush.

GW297 · 06/08/2013 23:47

YANBU!

WafflyVersatile · 06/08/2013 23:49

Unless it's my parent' child's or siblings' 25th or 50th wedding anniversary they can go whistle if they're expecting a card, frankly.

I can't even remember the dates of my family's birthdays, though I know to the nearest week!

I've had b cards a month late from my DBs.

Salmotrutta · 06/08/2013 23:54

I have one friend who religiously sends us an anniversary card and has done for the last 30 years. But she was one of my bridesmaids, is ultra organised and generally an all round lovely person. I never looked for it but that's how she does things Smile.

I, on the other hand, am utterly crap and don't remember anniversaries but even if I did I'd probably not bother!

People huffing and puffing and eye-rolling because someone didnt remember their pweshus day??? Hmm - jeez.

That really does sound like the folk who are the Bridezillas! I suppose they need some way of ensuring they stay in the limelight! Hmm

HoikyPoiky · 06/08/2013 23:54

YANBU. My DH and I celebrate our own wedding anniversary but that's about it.. I have never sent anyone else a anniversary card, ever.

Salmotrutta · 06/08/2013 23:58

Thinking about it - imagine if you were such a Bridezillas, had poured all you energy into being a shrieking demanding harpy, got through the actual day...

Then what... Bridezillas must then feel bereft? So they move on to entitled expectations for anniversaries/baby showers/ christenings/birthdays.

Their behaviour will never stop!!...

Tubemole1 · 06/08/2013 23:58

I usually forget my anniversary Blush until my mum's "reminder" card comes through the post, and I never remember any one else's either,

I was with my fella for so many years before marrying the wedding was just a formality, in my eyes.