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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend Christmas with my sister?

67 replies

beepoff · 05/08/2013 21:44

We usually take turns (as I imagine many people do) spending Christmas Day with DH's and my families respectively.

Last year we spent it alone at ours as DS was a few days old.

This year it's DH's family's turn - but my sister, who I haven't seen in 18 months and who has never met DS as she lives abroad, is due to be in the UK and would like to spend Christmas with us all as a family.

AIBU to ignore the turns and thus incur the wrath of MIL?

OP posts:
Original poster
beepoff · 05/08/2013 21:45

Meant to add - we see PIL once a month or so. See my family much less frequently due to location (maybe half as much).

OP posts:
YouStayClassySanDiego · 05/08/2013 21:47

I'd see my sister and put up with the potential hissy fit off mil.

What does dh say?

Sirzy · 05/08/2013 21:47

Would you be in a position to (or be able to survive) host it for everyone?

Surely though anyone with any compassion would understand that when someone is home for a christmas as a one off normal tradition may be changed? promise to spend next christmas with your MIL and tell her to grow up if she complains

HollyBerryBush · 05/08/2013 21:48

Everyone will understand won't they?

Christmas with your mum and NY with his - sorted!

BrokenSunglasses · 05/08/2013 21:49

Is there any way you can spend time with both over Christmas, or do they live too far apart? Could you have them all to you?

Tbh, I think it would be a bit mean to mil to disappoint her if she has so far been led to believe that she will get Christmas with her son and grandson.

Original poster
beepoff · 05/08/2013 21:52

DH says whatever we decide someone will be upset. I can tell he's pissed off but I think mainly because he'll dread telling MIL who, while lovely in many ways, will not be happy and will certainly let us and everyone else know about it.

OP posts:
chesterberry · 05/08/2013 21:54

If your sister being down for Christmas is a one off and you don't get to see her then I don't think YABU to suggest to DH that you ignore the turns. However then as presumably it will have gone beep'sfam, alone, beep'sfam I think it would be reasonable to then do two years in a row at MIL's before having another turn at your family's so that MIL does not feel that she is 'missing out,' especially as this is presumably DS's first 'proper' Christmas and so she is probably excited about it.

Original poster
beepoff · 05/08/2013 21:54

Unfortunately we only have one spare room, and including siblings from both families there are 20 of us so we can't host. We all live a long way from each other too. We would still see PIL before or after Christmas, but it's the day itself that will cause the issue.

OP posts:
chesterberry · 05/08/2013 21:56

If you didn't spend Christmas at your family's how much time would you be likely to get to spend with your sister? Is she down for long and would there be other opportunities to see her?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/08/2013 21:56

Would it be totally impossible for you to have both your sister and your MIL as your guests on Christmas Day?

BrokenSunglasses · 05/08/2013 21:59

If the day itself will cause the issue and you could still see your sister while she is here, why would you want to upset her?

It just seems really unkind to me.

It would be different if you wanted to start your own traditions of having Christmas at home now that you have ds, but to go to your Mums when you went there last time is understandably going to hurt your DHs mum, even if she can understand the rational idea of you wanting to be with your sister. Your sister isn't more important than your DHs mum, but she will feel like you, and her own son, think she is.

Vijac · 05/08/2013 22:00

Difficult one. How far apart are they? Can you do 23th and 24th with sis and 25th/26th with pil to keep everyone happy? I think I would be annoyed if I where the pil and you changed the plan now to suit your family.

omaoma · 05/08/2013 22:01

my siblings and i all got fed up of the enforced seasonal rota, so for several years when kids were all youngish we did pre-xmas for my mum at hers. Basically did the day, but a week or two early. it really mattered not one shiny jot the date, everybody got the full on family day altogether, and still got xmas without having to do all the travel/sleeping on floors/being polite for 48 hours.

Original poster
beepoff · 05/08/2013 22:06

Hmm I see your point re: MIL thinking I'm putting sister ahead of her. I suppose because I see her several times a year but v rarely see DSis in my head it more than evens out.

OP posts:
SanityClause · 05/08/2013 22:08

I am one of six siblings. Four live close to my parents, but two of us live in other continents (to them and to each other). One year, we were both going to be there for Christmas, so all of the other siblings came to our family Christmas, even if it was the other family's "turn". The other families were all fine about it.

In fact, BIL's brother (who we had never even met before) took us out on his boat a few days later, so definitely not an issue for them.

dufflefluffle · 05/08/2013 22:11

I have to spend christmas with my MIL every single year because DH is an only child and she has no one else. It used to mean that I dreaded christmas but we've all had to accept that this is the way it is - as will your MIL. In your situation I wouldn't dream of sacrificing a christmas with your sister and family to save MIL's delicate feelings!

BrokenSunglasses · 05/08/2013 22:16

If all it's about is the fact that you see less of your sister than you do your mil, then it wouldn't make any difference to you if you spent time with your sister before or after Christmas and still had the 25th elsewhere. It's the day itself that is special to people, but if it's about time rather than the day to you, then you could easily sacrifice that day to prevent your DHs mum being hurt.

Marshy · 05/08/2013 22:18

YABU for starting a Christmas thread in August.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 05/08/2013 22:21

YABU to have a Christmas rota at all, that way madness lies Grin

You broke the rota last year, why start it up again? Decide where you want to spend Christmas and then do it

newbiefrugalgal · 05/08/2013 22:24

Can you take Dis along to MIL for the day?

Saffyz · 05/08/2013 22:52

YANBU. Any reasonable person would understand and not become wrathful! Of course you'll be wanting to see your sister after 18 months and for her to meet your DS. If you tell your MIL in good time (it's only August!) there's nothing impolite about that at all.

missingmumxox · 05/08/2013 23:08

sister, we spend every other Christmas with in laws, I don't have a family, so we do a quiet one at home the other year, live miles from in laws,

we did do a bit of a shuffle one year as my boys first Christmas was when they where 11 months old an I though the GP's would appreciate seeing it.

and the next year we went as Dh's cousin who lives abroad came over, we the went 3 years without seeing them as we lived abroad, these thing should not be set in stone.

ENormaSnob · 05/08/2013 23:22

I wouldnt get into a rota at all tbh.

littlewhitebag · 05/08/2013 23:52

It's your Christmas, you do what you want. In my experience Christmas traditions change over the years any way.

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 05/08/2013 23:56

Can you invite sis to spend christmas day with your ils?

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