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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To spend Christmas with my sister?

67 replies

beepoff · 05/08/2013 21:44

We usually take turns (as I imagine many people do) spending Christmas Day with DH's and my families respectively.

Last year we spent it alone at ours as DS was a few days old.

This year it's DH's family's turn - but my sister, who I haven't seen in 18 months and who has never met DS as she lives abroad, is due to be in the UK and would like to spend Christmas with us all as a family.

AIBU to ignore the turns and thus incur the wrath of MIL?

OP posts:

sameoldIggi · 06/08/2013 13:40

Rotas, even. Rita's are fine all the time

HerculePoirotsTache · 06/08/2013 13:48

Thinking about it, why should you go visiting? You have a young child to consider. There will come a time when you want to be in your own home and have your own Christmas traditions with your children. I do all my visiting before the actual day.

girlywhirly · 06/08/2013 15:28

It's difficult to advise without knowing the distances involved to PILs and your parents, but any chance your sister could come to you for a couple of days when she arrives in this country, and then go on to parents? Especially as she hasn't met her new nephew or seen you for ages.

Crinkle77 · 06/08/2013 15:40

Your MIL sounds very selfish. You hardly get to see your sister so have xmas dinner with her and don't feel gulty about it.

BrokenSunglasses · 06/08/2013 15:46

Why does the mil sound selfish?

Because she might be disappointed and a bit upset that she has spent the last two Christmases away from one of her children, and she was expecting that this year she'd get to be with him and his baby but that's being taken away so that her son can spend Christmas with the people he spent Christmas with the last time they had the day away from home?

That doesn't sound selfish to me, it sounds like a Mum who still loves her child and wants to the odd share special occasion with him despite the fact that he's grown into an adult.

MovingForward0719 · 06/08/2013 16:25

Oh dear Xmas! I think make sure you spend some time with mil before or after and do it nicely. Doesn't matter if its not the actual day. I agree with the posters who say get out of the whole rota thing. And I am mum to two boys, but hope that I wouldn't lay the emotional blackmail on them over Xmas. My youngest has learning g difficulties, if ever acquired enough independence to want to do his own thing at Xmas, no one will be happier than me.

dietstartsmonday · 06/08/2013 16:46

i don't understand all the rotas.

I do xmas eve at one side boxing day at the other, xmas where the hell i like!!!

MIL should not be upset you are allowed to see other people whether she likes it or not.

Tell her now, maybe invite her for new year to soften to blow if you must

ImperialBlether · 06/08/2013 17:17

If I were the OP's MIL I would say, "Why don't you spend this Christmas with your sister and come to us for New Year? We can always see you the year after."

Imagine the good feeling there would be afterwards. I hate it how people dread Christmas because of their own families.

Original poster

beepoff · 06/08/2013 18:24

We are 4.5 hours' drive from my family and 2 hours' drive from inlaws in good traffic. They are around 3.5 hours' drive away from each other. Sometimes inlaws have Christmas at DSils who is about 2.5-3 hours away from us. We usually have to stop en route though to feed/change DS on any journeys longer than 2.5 hours.

OP posts:

trinity0097 · 06/08/2013 18:41

My in laws often book into a local travel lodge near us, so that my parents cane stay with us, but they are with us for all of Xmas day meals etc and come back on Boxing Day morning before driving back to where they live. My parents always stay longer as it's a two day trip to get to us by car!

girlywhirly · 06/08/2013 19:08

Christmas day is on a Wednesday this year, giving lots of people the opportunity to see folk on week-ends before and after Christmas, and have a bit of peace in between!

What would DH do if his mother wasn't an issue here, would he come to your parents happily, or would he prefer to stay in his own home? If you
both want to stay at home you can maintain a united front with MIL and see your family and sister at some point over the festive period.

MadeOfStarDust · 06/08/2013 19:26

I would just decide and let people know as soon as possible - so that any assumptions have a chance to disperse before Christmas time...

We only have MIL now, so she comes and stays here for a week - works really well - an extra pair of hands in the kitchen, someone to play board games for the umpteenth time with the kids and enough materiel for You've been framed when she and the girls start with the PS3 Sing Star Abba game - oh my god it is soooooo funny...

Jenny70 · 06/08/2013 19:42

So 2 christmases ago, was it your family or his?

If it were me, I'd do my sister either way & try to spin it in my favour.

2 christmases ago - my family. Say it is your family year, last year was one blip, but the overall pattern is same (this works as brother has kids alt years, so messing that would be never seeing them). Say sister didn't know about blip and planned this as she knew it was your family year.

2 christmases ago - his family. Then it is safe to say your family has a turn otherwise it's 3 years until their turn.

Not exactly fair, but a good spin can stop hard feelings. Can you do a xmas eve with IL's? So they kind of get first christmas celebastion?

angeltattoo · 06/08/2013 19:54

Alternate christmases before marriage/kids.

After kids, kids come first, christmas at home, others welcome to visit if they wish.

Simples.

mrsjay · 06/08/2013 20:03

go see your sister your inlaws will need to understand you can go to them on boxing day do what makes you happy it is your Christmas too,

gobbin · 06/08/2013 20:57

Could you not do what we did one year and have Christmas away from anyone's home and invite your sister there with you? We stayed at a brilliant place in the New Forest (sadly no longer a B & B or I'd recommend it) from Chr Eve until Boxing day afternoon and had all meals prepared for us. We had four South Africans also staying there and it was a very jolly couple of days, spent seriously well-oiled lol!

ems1910 · 06/08/2013 21:24

Just do what you want to do. I can understand if MIL is upset as it is technically their turn, she wouldn't be unreasonable to be put out but would be unreasonable to have a go at you. She may be fine with it and not say anything or is it likely she will?

When I was little we didn't go out on Christmas Day at all and when my grandad died my nan came to us for the day, she only lived ten minutes away so my dad would pick her up on Christmas Eve and then she would be with us for New Year too. I will get to that point with my children too, if people want to visit us they are more than welcome.

Take the opportunity to ditch the rota, be prepared for visitors (but not every year if you don't want). You may find nothing gets said :o)

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