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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be disappointed that she let my DD burn...

107 replies

momb · 10/07/2013 15:20

my Dd is 8 and has never had sunburn, until this Sunday.
We were at a music festival over the weekend and were all hatted, creamed and wearing shirts.
When we got home DD went to call for her friend next door and was invited in. 2 hours later she is home crying because her back is bright red and really hot. They had been playing in the paddling pool and had stripped down to their knickers. I have no issue with them playing in the water, but if they were over here I'd put shirts on them and/or smother them in cream.
I'm very disappointed and actually quite cross with my neighbour. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 10/07/2013 15:25

YABU ,its your responsibility not your neighbours ,she probably thought she had already got cream on . If she was only next door why did she not come home for a swimming costume .could you not see/hear them in the garden ?

zoraqueenofzeep · 10/07/2013 15:26

She wasn't to know your dd would burn, presumably she already had sunscreen on? I wouldn't put sunscreen on another persons child without first knowing if they had any allergies or whether their parents even agreed with using it. If her own isn't inclined to burn, the thoughts not going to be on her mind anyway.

Bringmewineandcake · 10/07/2013 15:26

Not U at all. I'd be cross and upset for DD too.
How friendly are you with the neighbour? Is there a way you could raise it comfortably without ending up in the same position as the OP of another thread?

SparkyTGD · 10/07/2013 15:26

Hmmm, when my DS goes out I make sure he has suncream on.

But if he has friends to play I also ask them if they have suncream on esp if they are doing an activity (paddling pool) that involves removing clothes.

So I'd be cross but also realise I need to maybe be more thorough with suncream before they go out. Because in this kind of weather, paddling pools are quite likely.

surroundedbyblondes · 10/07/2013 15:32

Ouch! Not nice for your DD. At 8, is she old enough to know that she needs sun-cream if she's outside for any length of time? Did she have cream on when she left the house?

WorraLiberty · 10/07/2013 15:35

I would have made them wear t.shirts

But to be honest, at 8yrs old your DD should be aware of the dangers of sunburn and asked to wear a top/lotion.

maja00 · 10/07/2013 15:35

If your child is playing out then it's up to you to ensure they are suncreamed really. It's not exactly a "playdate" type scenario where the other parent has taken responsibility if it's neighbours playing in each other's houses.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 10/07/2013 15:36

It's up to you to make sure your child has suncream on. I personally wouldnt expect anyone else to think to be responsible for that. For all you know the neighbour asked your DD if she was wearing some and was told yes.

Sorry your DD got burned though, hope it isn't too bad now.

NoComet · 10/07/2013 15:36

Personally I think your neighbour should have checked if she had sun cream. Sent her to get some or insisted they kept their tops on.

8 is too little for them to be responsible.

My 12 and 15y can't sodding be trusted when it comes to sun cream. DD2 is awful because it has to be really hot before she burns, so she doesn't do the job properly. Nor is she keen on anyone helping her.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 10/07/2013 15:37

YABU - it is your responsibility to make sure your DD has adaequate sun protection, and hers as well. Presumably you knew they would be playing outside so you should have smothered her in cream before she went.

WorraLiberty · 10/07/2013 15:38

Mind you, are you quite sure she didn't burn at the festival?

I only say that because 2hrs is quite a short time for sunburn to come out and be painful enough to make her cry.

I normally find it gradually appears later, but maybe that's just my skin.

RobotBananas · 10/07/2013 15:42

Presumably she had her t-shirt on at the festival, so no suncream on her back as no need. No reason for neighbor to assume she already had suncream on so should have either kept t-shirt on or covered her in cream.

It would only have taken her a minute to ask you as well.

KellyElly · 10/07/2013 15:42

I make sure my DD has suncream and a hat before she goes to play with friends. Also tell the parent to keep on hat if they are out in this weather and a t-shirt, but she is very fair skinned so I'm probably overly careful.

specialsubject · 10/07/2013 15:43

you can burn through thin t-shirts.

but basically - your child, your responsibility.

RobotBananas · 10/07/2013 15:44

Has anybody actually read the op? The issue is that her DD stripped off to play in the water, so needed suncream putting on.

RobotBananas · 10/07/2013 15:45

You can burn through thin t-shirts but its quite unlikely

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 10/07/2013 15:45

YABU

it wasn't her responsibility

I never put sun cream on children unless I've checked in advance with parents because of allergies

MrsMelons · 10/07/2013 15:45

I would be annoyed but even my 5 YO DS knows he can only take his tshirt off if he has cream on. I would check if a neighbours DC was going in a paddling pool at ours and took their top off, I wouldn't automatically assume they had cream on under their clothes!

TanglednotTamed · 10/07/2013 15:46

I disagree with most people on this thread. Who suncreams their children UNDER their clothes before they send them on playdates? Just in case they get undressed in the sun? I certainly don't. And I don't believe anyone else does, that's ridiculous.

If a visiting child was to strip off in the bright sunshine at my house, I'd cream them up or put their t-shirt back on, same as I'd do with my children.

Slipshodsibyl · 10/07/2013 15:47

I brought my children up hot countries where sun screen application is a daily occurrence and I wouldn't have expected an 8 year old to remember . Apart from anything else they don't like the feel of it and if they haven't ever burned, don't really understand the consequences.

I and anyone my children played with would take responsibility for ensuring visitors were properly covered. I don't think you are unreasonable at all for being upset. Even if she had cream on, it needed re applying if they were in the paddling pool for two hours.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 10/07/2013 15:49

I agree with Tangled - I would never put sunscreen on UNDER clothes, that's just silly. I would be angry with the neighbour - he or she should have asked the child if they had suntan lotion on. I would have. Allergies wouldn't occur to me, mind you - I would just slap some on them unless they specifically said they couldn't wear suntan lotion due to allergies.

thebody · 10/07/2013 15:50

Your responsibility and you were only next door.

I wouldn't presume to any cream on someone else's child or give any child medicine without the patents permission.

You should have put it in yourself.

Don't blame the neighbour.

usualsuspect · 10/07/2013 15:50

I think I would be annoyed, I would always put sun cream on a childs back if they were in my care and in a paddling pool.

Are you sure she didn't ask your DD and she said she was already wearing sun cream?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 10/07/2013 15:51

I wouldn't ask an 8 year old if she was wearing suncream! That's your responsibility not your neighbours. You should have sorted her out.

SummersHere · 10/07/2013 15:52

It's really not unlikely. My friends dad died of skin cancer recently and had never sunbathed in his life. He cycled everywhere though and got cancer on his back through t-shirts.
I agree at 8 your dd is old enough to be aware of the need for sunscreen. It's really not your neighbour's responsibility.