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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another wedding one, sorry. Etiquette.

75 replies

Turry · 06/07/2013 13:15

When my DD will be just over one we'll be going to my Bil's wedding. DH will be at top table, so I'll be on my own with DD for meal, speeches etc.

I've asked if there could be an extra chair next to mine so I could put a booster seat on it for DD to eat her meal. Got a big fat 'no, she can sit on your knee' back. Fair enough, it's their wedding, and an extra seat might ruin their seating plans or whatever...

But as I'm sure many of you will know eating a meal with a one year old on your knee is tough! It's obviously going to be a long meal too, as wedding meals are, so my question is do you think I'd be unreasonable to go back and ask if I can just bring her high chair?

I don't want to cause any offence in asking if it is unreasonable, but equally, don't want to sit struggling if it's normal practice/ perfectly reasonable to have high chairs at weddings?

Help!

OP posts:
Original poster
Turry · 06/07/2013 13:17

PS, our high chair is one of those basic white Ikea ones, so pretty unobtrusive as these things go?

OP posts:
MortifiedAdams · 06/07/2013 13:18

They have invited a one year old and arent providing a high chair? That is madness! tbh, on getting to the venue, I would just collar a waiter to fetch me a highchair.

TimeofChange · 06/07/2013 13:19

YANBU

Find yourself an extra chair when you are there or ring the hotel in advance and ask for a high chair.

BIL is being unreasonable and mean.

TimeofChange · 06/07/2013 13:20

Turry - take your own high chair and don't tell them in advance.

Cherriesarelovely · 06/07/2013 13:21

Yanbu at all. So they invite her but wont allow her to sit in a high chair so you have to struggle through the entire dinner like that? Presumably your BIL and his dp don't have kids?

Finola1step · 06/07/2013 13:23

YANBU. With a one year old, you should definitely have access to a highchair. Put it next to you but at an angle so your dd isn't taking up a space at the table.

Tell them that your dd will need a highchair as she will get vv restless. This will result in crying, wriggling etc. Do the whole "I wouldn't want dd to spoil your speeches" etc.

Do the couple in question have children?

TNETENNBA · 06/07/2013 13:26

I wouldn't worry about this until you get there. It's not a biggie whatever happens. They may sort something out for you when you get there or you can pass your DD around to other guests Grin

TBH It wouldn't have crossed my mind until I got there. Confused

valiumredhead · 06/07/2013 13:28

Just take your own one or ring the venue in advance. Utterly ridiculous to have her on your knee in your nice clothes. Does he have kids?

lollypopsicle · 06/07/2013 13:29

I wouldn't even ask! A 1 yr needs a highchair. it wont affect the seating plan if it has a tray. Take your chair or ask the venue when you're there. YANBU!

PowderMum · 06/07/2013 13:30

On MN we often have weddings and DC threads but is this a first DC invited but no seat? Every wedding I've been to with DC they have always had a high chair or chair provided even when only just big enough for one and food.

I understand babes in arms not needing a seat i parked the pram near the table (marquee) but once your DC can sit/eat they need a chair, ridiculous

Get DH to ring groom and tell him what you need YANBU

CitizenOscar · 06/07/2013 13:31

You need some kind of chair or high chair for a 1 yo! I would have just assumed one would be provided - wouldn't have asked but might have brought booster seat just in case no high chair.

Funny people!

FannyFifer · 06/07/2013 13:34

Would be rather an odd hotel if they didn't have a high chair or extra seat.
Don't sweat it, just ask a staff member when u get there, it won't be a big deal.

RobotBananas · 06/07/2013 13:40

I'd just take the antilop and go from there. Ridiculous that they're expecting you to have a 1yo on your lap the whole time.

5madthings · 06/07/2013 13:40

Hopefully the venue will have a highchair but just take one with you just incase.

Bil being daft to invite her and not provide a seat for her!

HandbagCrazy · 06/07/2013 13:45

They should provide a high chair. I got married not long ago and we provided high chairs, colouring books / toys to keep the little ones happy. It helps the parents enjoy the day and reduced the chances of crying babies interrupting the speeches etc.
YANBU!

Kat101 · 06/07/2013 13:48

Any chance they don't want to pay for a meal for her? If she sits on your lap and eats some of yours then they save the cost of a meal??

jamdonut · 06/07/2013 14:08

What does your DH say about it?

TempusFuckit · 06/07/2013 14:20

What Kat said. Are they expecting you to provide a meal?

newestbridearound · 06/07/2013 14:24

YANBU at all. We had four babies at our wedding, each under the age of 18 months, and all of them had highchairs so that the parents could enjoy themselves and not be trying to shift them around on their knee to eat! It never even occurred to me that not giving them a place to themselves was an option, maybe Kat is right and it's a cost thing?

Either way I definitely don't think wanting a highchair is unreasonable or breaking any sort of wedding etiquette.

Loulybelle · 06/07/2013 14:27

I'd get DH on the case, its his brother.

If that dont work, in the middle of the speeches give DD to your DH.

squoosh · 06/07/2013 14:28

Craziness.

Do you think it's a passive aggressive dig at the fact you're bringing your DD in the first place?

trackies · 06/07/2013 15:32

Same as what Kat said -are they thinking that if DC sits on your knee that they dont have to pay for DC's meal. But they are being very unreasonable. They have already said no, so i would just take your highchair and some food for DC, so you're not caught out.

They'll find out what it's like to try to get a 1 year old to sit on a lap if they have their own kids.

phantomnamechanger · 06/07/2013 17:43

is DH/BILs mum on the scene to have a word for you -maybe she does not even know the stupid plan

DD went to her first wedding at 6 months - the venue provided a high chair as part of the seating plan, she even had her own name card on it!

It would be bad enough expecting 2 parents to eat and juggle the baby, but on your own, no chance.

phantomnamechanger · 06/07/2013 17:44

I would not expect a meal provided for a 1 yo though - an extra roll maybe but not a full 3 course dinner!

gnittinggnome · 06/07/2013 19:11

When we got married last year it was understood that babies were not catered for the way adults were - parents bought baby food and the venue warmed it up if needed. Toddlers got fed, but very little ones didn't, so we didn't have a cost issue. It would be a strange venue that wanted to charge anything like a wedding breakfast cost for a baby!