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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Another wedding one, sorry. Etiquette.

75 replies

Turry · 06/07/2013 13:15

When my DD will be just over one we'll be going to my Bil's wedding. DH will be at top table, so I'll be on my own with DD for meal, speeches etc.

I've asked if there could be an extra chair next to mine so I could put a booster seat on it for DD to eat her meal. Got a big fat 'no, she can sit on your knee' back. Fair enough, it's their wedding, and an extra seat might ruin their seating plans or whatever...

But as I'm sure many of you will know eating a meal with a one year old on your knee is tough! It's obviously going to be a long meal too, as wedding meals are, so my question is do you think I'd be unreasonable to go back and ask if I can just bring her high chair?

I don't want to cause any offence in asking if it is unreasonable, but equally, don't want to sit struggling if it's normal practice/ perfectly reasonable to have high chairs at weddings?

Help!

OP posts:

BrianButterfield · 07/07/2013 07:39

Ds went to two weddings when he was under 1 and got his own chair and place setting at each.

Summerblaze · 07/07/2013 07:46

Absolutely laughable that they think you can have a 1 year old on your knee for what is usually at least a couple of hours while eating a 3 course meal on your own.

They are being twats and if it was me, I would decline the invitation if there was nowhere for her to sit. You will spend the entire time stopping from getting off your knee and her struggling/screaming or her wriggling, trying to put her hands in your dinner.

Ridiculous idea.

HappySeven · 07/07/2013 07:50

Don't ask, just take the high chair as trying to eat with her on your knee would be insane. Your MIL will understand I'm sure so if you need to enlist help why not ask her?

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning · 07/07/2013 07:54

Definition do four4me's suggestion. Totally think they won't be providing food for her either

AnnaBegins · 07/07/2013 09:26

At our wedding (we don't have kids yet) I'd assumed the venue would provide high chairs, then found out 2 days before that they only had 2. I had 5 kids under 2 coming! So I did have to ask guests to bring their own high chairs, but we ended up with enough. TBH I think booster seats on chairs would've been easier to squeeze in as some high chairs are massive!

Get the biggest high chair you can and bring it along

Loulybelle · 07/07/2013 09:50

Turry, heres an idea.

When your having dinner, around the table or something, make your DH have DD on his lap for the entire meal, she cant get down, she has to sit on his lap.

Then ask him, "Do you think i should have to do that for 2 hours with a 3 course meal" and look at him with a dont you dare say yes and phone your twatty brother look.

Bowlersarm · 07/07/2013 09:57

You have a baby. You need to bring your baby stuff wherever you go. In this case it includes some seating for your dd.

YANBU, bring whatever you need for your baby. I doubt they will understand though (another one where once they have a one year old they will cringe when they remember what they have said to you-sit on your lap!-bhahahhahahaha)

Pigsmummy · 07/07/2013 10:05

It's because you have asked for an extra chair most probably, you normally can't squeeze an extra chair onto a table of 6/8/10 etc however a high chair should be provided, I provided a high chair for a baby at my wedding, why wouldn't you? Very bizarre. Much easier strapped into the chair than wriggling about.

Call the venue to get one but don't let onto the groom.

TNETENNBA · 07/07/2013 11:55

We travelled a lot with our DC in the olden days before it was normal for restaurants to provide high chairs. I know it is much better to have a high chair but, surely, it is not that much of a problem if you don't???

Ktay · 07/07/2013 12:05

Fair enough in normal circs tnetebba but presumably your dp was close by to share a fidgety baby with/so you actually had a hand free to eat your own meal at some point?

Emilythornesbff · 07/07/2013 12:08

Why are splitting you up?
Fake a timely illness.

TNETENNBA · 07/07/2013 13:29

I travelled a lot without DH so managed on my own. I can't say I haven't had memorable (in a bad way) meals once in a while. My kids were normal kids however it never stopped me doing things and I know I wouldn't have worried about it.

I used to fly with all four on my own when one was a baby, one a toddler and two still little. (Under 6) It wasn't always 'fun' but I can't see any big deal about eating with a DC on your lap. Especially when there is most likely to be a floor or stroller/ to sit her on or another guest who might entertain her for a while.

I would take the high chair so you have it as an option and see how it goes.

AuntieStella · 07/07/2013 13:34

I'd ring the venue and ask if they can provide one. If you have to explain it to BIL, you could simply say that a helpful waiter saw you would struggle and brought one out.

Or "sprain" your wrist, wear a fetching sling and say it's got to be DH's knee.

AuntieStella · 07/07/2013 13:35

I hope, more charitably, that they're only concerned that an additional normal chair will throw seating plans, and that a high chair, whether yours or venue's, will be unremarked on.

Original poster

Turry · 07/07/2013 19:04

Loulybelle, off to try your idea for dinner...

OP posts:

badfaketan · 07/07/2013 19:24

YANBU

Is it a cost issue?With marquees you have to pay for every single chair.
I had a marquee wedding with a few babies/small children brought by guests with no childcare.
Did not occur to me to hire any highchairs (I had no DCs so oblivious) but if anyone had brought their own,perfectly fine!
There's usually a lot of seating rearrangements at weddings anyway after the initial sit-down.
Surely your pushchair is going to mess up their lovely plan anyway?Bet they haven't thought of that!

shewhowines · 07/07/2013 19:29

YANBU

Loulybelle · 07/07/2013 19:58

Sweet Turry..

Let me know how it goes.

jessjessjess · 07/07/2013 21:10

YANBU. We put little ones on the seating plan and got high chairs for them. What total arseholes...

TheSecondComing · 07/07/2013 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhTheConfusion · 07/07/2013 22:01

When we got married we made sure there was a high chair for each of the toddlers and sat a bag with a toy, crayons, paper and snacks on each tray.

How did dinner go?

badguider · 07/07/2013 22:47

We had our wedding in a barn and hired the tables/chairs amd weren't able to provide high chairs (had about 9 babies). BUT we did tell guests and suggest they bring their own.
If you're driving there then I'd just take yours anyway and see if the venue has them when you get there.
The venue may be charging per guest "seated" for dinner so giving your dd seat might incur a full adult meal and alcohol cost.

Original poster

Turry · 08/07/2013 17:15

Aghhh, so jealous of babies with named places at table. That would be so sweet! covers ears to prevent hearing any more examples!

Right, so, as instructed by Louly, I duly plonked DD on DH's knee last night. It did not go well. There was squirming, plate grabbing, food throwing, shirt smearing, DH didn't get to eat very much until giving in and shoving her back to me. The shock, I know!

He says he's going to speak to BIL, but that I was an idiot for even asking in the first place, as otherwise we would just take the chair without even asking. Of course, in retrospect, I can happily agree I should never have asked, but then the more I read of babies with their own allocated spot, the I think I was not BU to enquire about the plans for DD. Oh well, lesson learned.

If BIL says no to taking high chair too I'm going to be annoyed though. Rightly or wrongly. I just resent the suggestion I'm being precious when I'm flipping well not!

OP posts:

ArcheryAnnie · 23/12/2014 09:36

TNETENNBA there's a big difference, though, in a half-hour stopoff to refuel and a 2-hour formal sit-down meal. Other guests will be wearing their best, may be seeing people they haven't in a while, may be a bit drunk, etc, and may not actually want to wrangle someone else's baby so the mother can eat.

Same with putting the baby on the floor - all those tipsy people who will trip over her. And if they are getting precious about an extra chair, they might not want a big muddy stroller parked in the middle of all the festivities.

ClumsyParents · 23/12/2014 10:11

So they expect you to eat your meal and for your one year old to eat a meal all whilst sat on your knee?! I'm guessing they don't have children. Are they providing a meal for DC? My one year old dustbin on legs would make his feelings very well known if there was no seat or food for him!

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