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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Another wedding one, sorry. Etiquette.

75 replies

Turry · 06/07/2013 13:15

When my DD will be just over one we'll be going to my Bil's wedding. DH will be at top table, so I'll be on my own with DD for meal, speeches etc.

I've asked if there could be an extra chair next to mine so I could put a booster seat on it for DD to eat her meal. Got a big fat 'no, she can sit on your knee' back. Fair enough, it's their wedding, and an extra seat might ruin their seating plans or whatever...

But as I'm sure many of you will know eating a meal with a one year old on your knee is tough! It's obviously going to be a long meal too, as wedding meals are, so my question is do you think I'd be unreasonable to go back and ask if I can just bring her high chair?

I don't want to cause any offence in asking if it is unreasonable, but equally, don't want to sit struggling if it's normal practice/ perfectly reasonable to have high chairs at weddings?

Help!

OP posts:

Sheilathegreat · 06/07/2013 19:18

I went to a wedding with my dd when she was one and took the ikea plastic high chair with me. It never occurred to me it might have been an issue and now I'm wondering if it was and I just didn't notice!

LeoTheLateBloomer · 06/07/2013 19:23

Will there be other children there? if so have they considered where they will sit?

If it's in a marquee somewhere you'll definitely need to bring something with you; if it's at a hotel just ask for something when you get there.

Vivacia · 06/07/2013 19:24

No high chair at your table? Presumably the plan is for your daughter to sit with her father? I think it's just lovely that your Brother-in-Law wants his little niece so close to them on their wedding day. And how lovely for you to be able to kick back with a glass of wine. How thoughtful.

SauvignonBlanche · 06/07/2013 19:25

Can you speak to the venue?

Original poster

Turry · 06/07/2013 19:58

Haha, no, of COURSE they don't have children of their own - how ever did you guess?! ;)

Venue is a marque in a garden, so no hotel to call... I think i will get DH to ask - well, PUSH him to ask as he's so far 'ahh, it'll be fine' blah, blah.

I think you're def right I should've just taken the chair without even asking, but now I HAVE asked about the booster, and been told no, she can sit on your knee, I feel I really should ok the highchair with them in case they were dead serious (as they seemed) about the knee thing, and would then be pissed off on the day, thinking why is she cluttering that table with a highchair when we specifically asked her not to?!

Interesting thought about the cost element - hadn't occurred to me, but wouldn't surprise me! I'm happy to just give DD some off my plate, but as a matter of interest/ future reference, at what age DO we start expecting a separate meal to be provided?

Vivica, I LOVE you're idea! I think you've cracked it! Cannot wait for the wedding now - first day off I'll have had all year!

OP posts:

TolliverGroat · 06/07/2013 20:02

Or you could turn up in scruffy jeans and T-shirt and if challenged look bemused and say that you naturally assumed that if they wanted you to have a 1yo on your lap throughout mealtime they also wanted you to dress accordingly...

Thurlow · 06/07/2013 20:08

That's just nuts. I agree, if your DD starts fidgeting send her up to your DH for some attention And then when they don't like that, say "shall I get the booster seat out instead then?".

raisah · 06/07/2013 21:15

My db & SIL provided my 18 month ds at their reception. The venue even phoned up & asked me whixh type of high chair I wanted. I would mention to your idiotic BIL to check if the hotel would allow an unsecured toddler in the dining hall with hot food & drinks being served. Tackle the issue from a health & safety angle or just call up the hotel & ask for a high chair to be provided. Most establishments are well prepared for infant guests even if the stupid couple aren't.

raisah · 06/07/2013 21:19

Oops its a marquee not a hotel, won't the marquee or catering company (which ever one providing tables & chairs) provide a high chair? Keep going on about health & safety & hot food & drinks until they say yes.
:-)

BerkshireMum · 06/07/2013 21:24

How far away is this wedding? Is it possible they're still thinking babe in arms rather than toddler?

Ideally DH would sort this but, if you think he'll fudge it or make it a big deal, then I'd suggest you do it yourself!

If they won't make plans, I'd call the venue a couple of days before and check arrangements quietly - "I don't want to spoil their day or bother them" etc, etc. That way you can think about food, heating it (if needed) and so on.

StrawberryMojito · 06/07/2013 21:24

Take the high chair.

LemonBreeland · 06/07/2013 21:29

I would have expected your DD to have a place setting, not just be squeezed in at the table. However to expect you to have her on your knee the whole time is crazy.

Take the highchair

almostamrs · 06/07/2013 21:35

we have 5 12-18 month olds at our wedding in sept, all have been asked if they need a highchair or booster and we are paying to feed them a main course (choice of roast chicken/sausages and mash or homemade pizza) and a little ice cream sundae. our venue charges £10 for this, in comparision the adults 3 course meal is £40 a head

CaptainSweatPants · 06/07/2013 21:41

They should provide something to eat - even if it's just fish fingers & beans
Or is it a buffet in which case fill dd's boots

emsyj · 06/07/2013 21:42

They probably have to hire each chair if it's a marquee and don't want to hire one for your DD (idiots). Yes, take the high chair! We had an 18 month old at our wedding and I unfortunately had to ask the parents to bring a high chair as our reception was in a civic building with no high chairs available, but they didn't seem to mind and I left a space on the table for it and paid for a meal for her (although they brought food for her anyway).

You cannot spend the whole wedding breakfast with a wriggly one year old on your lap. Utterly ludicrous.

RNJ3007 · 06/07/2013 21:44

YANBU.

At our wedding we had 5 or 6 high chairs and several boosters on chairs, each with name cards and age appropriate favours... The only time we didn't have a high chair or booster at a wedding, DD was 3m old and slept in her buggy next to the table, because we said not to bother with a high chair. She still had a place setting with her name, and an age appropriate toy instead of a favour. And no, the couple had and have no kids; they were just that awesome!

BackforGood · 06/07/2013 21:45

I agree with everyone else - just take your high chair with you in case the venue don't have them. Don't ask - what would you then do if they say no ?

Patchouli · 06/07/2013 21:58

Are you able to take a high chair? I mean, are you driving right to the venue?
If so take it - don't ask first.
Nobody you're sitting with will mind and BIL probably won't notice once it gets to that point.

Four4me · 06/07/2013 22:09

Tell dh you have had a fab idea to solve the problem..... 'Ill get the catering staff to keep my meal warm while you eat yours. Once you have finished you can have DD on your knee and give her a meal while I eat!' See how fast he changed his mine about it being fine.

gallicgirl · 06/07/2013 22:20

We took the antilop high chair to my cousin's wedding but we were asked if we needed a chair and a meal. Also appropriate space was left at the table. We dropped the chair off with a member of staff and they sorted it all out while we were in the ceremony.
It didn't take a great deal of space or effort so I can't understand why the groom wouldn't consider it.

foreverondiet · 06/07/2013 23:36

Wouldn't occur to me to ask in advance. Take booster seat with tray and ask waiter for a chair?

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 06/07/2013 23:41

Take buggy and feed her in that?

Original poster

Turry · 07/07/2013 07:28

Wedding's next month and the 'sit her on your knee' convo was had when she was about 9 months, so they're certainly aware that she's no babe in arms.

Ahh, all this stuff about babies having their own place settings/ food etc making me feel a tiny bit sad. I suppose I have to make allowances for them not having kids so maybe not knowing what her needs might be, but DH is brother and best man - it would be nice if DD could be made to feel a bit more welcome, wouldn't it. Oh well!

Loving the ideas of roping DH in, going to have good fun dropping them into convo today...

OP posts:

pictish · 07/07/2013 07:32

Sheesh - what is it about weddings that turns people into unreasonable arseholes that expect to be revered??
Yanbu OP. Stoopid B&G.

SanityClause · 07/07/2013 07:38

YY, pictish, I know it's their "big day", but surely, if you have a party with guests, you make sure your guests' needs are provided for? If it wasn't a wedding, but some other party, would they feel it was okay to be so inconsiderate of their guests?

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