To beg for your help to write a limerick ending in the word "handcuff" ???

[littlehandcuffs]

I have had a couple of glasses of wine and been given a challenge, my mind has gone blank!! many thanks in advance x

!!!

When people say they like vinilla
I think they are on to a winner
As its lovely and sweet
oh what a true treat
I like random stuff
especially handcuffs!

Stag parties sometimes do crazy stuff
Streaking in a bar just isn't enough
They are badly behaved
Various bits get shaved
and grooms fixed to a fence with a handcuff.

It's hard cos the stress of handcuff falls on hand, rather than cuff!

There once was a policeman so tough,
He one day decided, "enough!"
"I'll split these restraints
into two" But too late
He saw the 'fail' of a single handcuff.

There once was a lad who was a bit rough
And wandered around in the buff

His wife was not amused
What's more, she was abused

So she got him put in a handcuff

Thats the best I can do -sorry

Dandruff?

Why not cheat a tiny bit and go with 'off' as the rhyme, to get the stress right? 'Wank off' comes to mind only too easily as a pair with handcuff, but there are other options like 'ripping the bank off' that might go equally well.

These do-gooders trying to ban stuff
With their Per Una slacks and their dandruff
What they need is a treat-
To be kissed on the feet
By a well oiled German in handcuffs

For amputees life is so tough,
If nothing sticks out of your cuff.
Yet they catch you red handed
When the gavel has landed;
They clap your 'bits' in a handcuff.

Thankyou soo much... I'm winning so far and we are having such fun reading them : ) Some of them scan better than others but on the whole I am impressed with the skill of Mumsnet limerick writing!!

Treelula : )

Peerie bear I was going to try to think of one but yours is very good and I can't improve upon it.

There once was a woman from Muff,
Whose husband was cutting up rough,
She struggled until,
Someone called the old bill,
Who arrested him with a handcuff.

Muff is a real place btw, in Co Donegal.

There once was a lad who was lairy
If he encountered a woman too hairy
Once he was rebuffed
To the post he handcuffed
The lady, who he then named Fairy.

Muff?? In Donegal : ) A place my husband would love to visit!! x

Is it by any chance twinned with Twat in Shetland?
There's also a Cock in Cornwall, but enough about Jamie Oliver

This must be a mumsnet road trip surely??? I know who I'm sending to twat!!

Don't know if it's got a twin town, but it does have a diving school

My neighbour is up the duff,
she also has a dog called wuff,
it barks really loud and it makes her feel proud
but id rather it was in a handcuff

I also have a keyring from a Top garage in Muff which, of course, says Top Muff . It was given to me by a friend, I wasn't so vain as to purchase it for myself.

Youhave I came up with duff and wuff but couldn't fit them anywhere in my wine addled mind : )