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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS excluded from 2 upcoming school trips - under what circumstances do you think this is a reasonable?

76 replies

Lionessy · 21/05/2013 23:04

For silly behaviour with other boys at lunchtimes? No one hurt or injured afaik just general horseplay on the school field. Yr 6 boys. Apparently there have been warnings about it.

He has been on plenty of other school trips with no problematic behaviour reported to date.

The trips are both in July and are big exciting trips as they do this instead of a residential. The school have taken this decision now over a month before they are due to go.

Hmm, not sure whether they are being unreasonable or not?

OP posts:
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 21/05/2013 23:06

Impossible to judge without knowing what the actual behaviour was. Horseplay could be kicking a ball through a window or hurting someone through thoughtless behaviour.

BearFrills · 21/05/2013 23:06

I'd be asking whether the other boys have been excluded too and what was the exact nature and extent of the horseplay. Maybe a meeting with the head is in order to find out their side?

ApocalypseThen · 21/05/2013 23:07

If there were warnings, they have no choice but to follow through.

Original poster
Lionessy · 21/05/2013 23:08

Other boys have also been excluded. I won't bore you with the full details but definitely no damage or injury or I would not be questioning it.

OP posts:
Dominodonkey · 21/05/2013 23:09

Is this a punishment or an exclusion on health and safety grounds? If te school feel he does not follow instructions and they cannot guarantee him following rules on a trip they have no choice but to exclude him from the trip.

textfan · 21/05/2013 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

postmanpatscat · 21/05/2013 23:10

Perhaps the boys have failed to follow adult instructions, despite repeated requests. On that basis, it could be unsafe to take them off site.

Dominodonkey · 21/05/2013 23:11

If it is a punishment then judging my your mention of warnings and your plural of lunchtimes he has obviously not been behaving. You should be glad they are cracking down on his bad behaviour before he gets to secondary.

VBisme · 21/05/2013 23:11

The school have made their decision, I'd be supporting them and letting DS learn that actions have consequences. I know it's not easy to watch them miss out, but it sounds like they had fair warning.

2rebecca · 21/05/2013 23:12

If he has had warnings and still misbehaved then I'm not surprised the teachers don't want to risk him mucking about all day when out of school and controlling kids is harder. Missing 2 trips is a shame.
Some schools stop doing trips because it's too much hassle trying to control the kids so I wouldn't get angry with the school. I'd probably go in and see if they could reduce it to one and clarify exactly what he was up to.
Kids need to learn misbehaving has consequences. They should have told him a consequence was missing the trips. if they did and he still pratted about and ignored them then he effectively chose to miss the trips and has to live with his choices.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 21/05/2013 23:13

If there were warnings and they didn't heed them they have only themselves to blame. I would be backing the school.

ApocalypseThen · 21/05/2013 23:17

I'd probably go in and see if they could reduce it to one

Really? I wouldn't! I would be relieved that the school were taking a strong line and prepared to actually resist the whining and fakey promises of better behaviour and other kinds of emotional blackmail they're doubtlessly getting.

tethersend · 21/05/2013 23:18

Are the trips a treat or part of the curriculum?

Original poster
Lionessy · 21/05/2013 23:23

Hard as it is (with him missing out), I suppose he does need to learn his lesson. I will need to grit my teeth and back the school then.

I can see their point but I really think that the misbehaviour is out of proportion to miss such big trips. He has never been a problem on a trip before.

OP posts:
schoolgovernor · 21/05/2013 23:25

Schools can't exclude children from trips that are part of the curriculum on the grounds that the inability of their parents to pay. There are circumstances when they can though, and it sounds as if this could fall into that category. They wouldn't have done this without having sound and defensible reasons for doing it. Why don't you ask for an explanation? But be prepared to accept that he did the crime and this is his punishment.

schoolgovernor · 21/05/2013 23:27

Lionessy, it's not really about his behaviour on previous trips is it? It's about his behaviour in school, which must have been reasonably serious. Think about it, it will be a pain in the neck for the school to have these strays to look after when the rest are away on the trip. Are you sure you know all the facts?

Concreteblonde · 21/05/2013 23:29

They were warned, they carried on so they take the punishment. hopefully he and the other boys might learn a valuable lesson. Am sure the teachers would rather concentrate on supervising kids who can behave rather than those who ignore them.

CloudsAndTrees · 21/05/2013 23:32

A school won't leave a child, or a group of children, out of their Y6 residential without a very good reason.

You may not have heard about every minor incident at school where your ds has had to be reprimanded, but that doesn't mean it hasn't happened. If they have had warnings, then this behaviour has been persistent, and it is likely to be in everyone's best interests if they don't go.

Nanny0gg · 21/05/2013 23:35

It's very probably the last straw.

Doesn't matter that he behaved on other trips. If he's a complete pain in the neck at school, they probably don't want to have to take him.

And why should they?

goingmadinthecountry · 21/05/2013 23:44

Children need to learn. He's old enough. Why should they risk a small group spoiling the fun for the other well behaved children?

I'd be mortified and if I knew he'd done anything wrong would give him an additional punishment.

It should happen more often.

GoblinGranny · 21/05/2013 23:53

Twice in my career I have refused to take a child on a trip unless accompanied by an adult prepared to take full responsibility for his safety and behaviour.
It was the only way I could ensure the safety of the group.
One came with his dad, the other didn't come.
You can give warning after warning, put in reminders and safeguards and positive reinforcement but sometimes an ultimatum and following through is the only thing that makes an impact. He is old enough to understand the risks, but he's probably not used to a threat being carried out for real.
Some children are very adept at pleading their case, and wriggling out of consequences.

Boomba · 22/05/2013 00:00

What did he do???

GoblinGranny · 22/05/2013 00:04

Well, there will be two sides to that, the one that the child has communicated to the parent and the version that the school has which has crossed school rules.
With years of teaching Y6 under my belt, I could create an entertaining list of numerous possibilities, and how they will be seen by loving and protective parents. However I have reports to write, and I can't use up all my euphemisms online. Grin

StuntGirl · 22/05/2013 00:56

He is learning the consequences of repeatedly ignoring instructions and warnings. No wonder they don't want to take him.

xylem8 · 22/05/2013 09:04

it does seem a bit harsh and given it's still only May they have given him no more incentice to behave.I am guessing they are just making him sweat a bit and will give him an opportunity to redeem himself.