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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DS excluded from 2 upcoming school trips - under what circumstances do you think this is a reasonable?

76 replies

Lionessy · 21/05/2013 23:04

For silly behaviour with other boys at lunchtimes? No one hurt or injured afaik just general horseplay on the school field. Yr 6 boys. Apparently there have been warnings about it.

He has been on plenty of other school trips with no problematic behaviour reported to date.

The trips are both in July and are big exciting trips as they do this instead of a residential. The school have taken this decision now over a month before they are due to go.

Hmm, not sure whether they are being unreasonable or not?

OP posts:

dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 23/05/2013 14:14

Madeofstardust I agree, I remember how much that sort of behaviour used to drive me mad when I was in primary school. I used to wonder why the right of bad kids to ruin treats superseded our right to enjoy them as intended. I actually asked the teacher that once and I got a detention for being impertinent.

TigerFeet · 23/05/2013 14:26

In your position I'd be making an appointment at the school to discuss his behaviour, and I'd be asking for a reprieve if his behaviour improved. He could always be excluded from the second trip if he misbehaved on the first trip.

dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 23/05/2013 14:29

TigerFeet why should the school have to rescind a legitimate punishment? Why should they take the risk of his poor behaviour on the first trip?

nokidshere · 23/05/2013 14:32

If my child had behaved badly enough, or persistantly enough to be excluded from a school trip in a months time then I would certainly be expecting to know exactly what he had been up to and, if I hadn't heard about problems before this, why I was only hearing about it now?

cory · 23/05/2013 14:40

Have you been in to see the school yet, OP? If I were you I'd make that my top priority: if the school felt obliged to dish out what is a fairly big punishment, I would feel I needed to know what was going on. Then you can decide how you feel about it.

Groovee · 23/05/2013 14:43

I think if the school deem it necessary for them not to go then you should back them.

Maybe missing out will teach them that there are consequences.

Floggingmolly · 23/05/2013 14:45

God, op, you're primary gripe is that you weren't explicitly made aware that if your child's behaviour wasn't as it should be he'd be excluded from the school trips?
Most people tend to take that as a given, they don't wait for a letter telling them so.
You'll be doing your child a great disservice if you don't support the school in this.

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 23/05/2013 15:03

According to DD (not always the world's most reliable source, I grant you) so many of her class have been excluded from the Yr 6 end of term treat that it's in danger of being cancelled entirely because the economics of the coach don't stack up any more.

I'm hoping that this is just a threat to get the ones who are on a warning to shape up, because she'll be gutted if she can't go - it's only a day trip, but it's a big thing throughout the school, and they have literally been looking forward to it for years. Apparently a couple of children do get excluded each year, because of the aforementioned Year 6 behaviour crash, but they've never cancelled it altogether.

PeterParkerSays · 23/05/2013 15:37

Out of interest, do you know what the boys will be doing at school whilst the rest of the class are on the trip?

I'd actually be more concerned that they'd get some easy day, clearing out the art stores etc, because their usual teachers will be on the trip. Have you had assurances that the boys will be studying their usual curriculum on this day? Personally, I'd go into school say I'm 100% behind their action and check to ensure that they are doing maths, english, history etc, not try and get them back onto the trip.

SauceForTheGander · 23/05/2013 15:49

Have you just got the story from your DS or from the teacher?

From what you've said I'd back the school TBH. I consider this quite serious. This wouldn't happen at our school without it being last resort so I'd be pretty cross that DS hadn't bucked up before it came to this. I'd be seeing the teacher to discuss too.

GoblinGranny · 23/05/2013 16:04

I teach Y6, and this is why I keep Behaviour logs and a running record of events.
I write down incidents, get the children involved to read them and agree that's what happened, if they don't, I record their responses and we sign the sheet. It goes in the class file.
I use a systematic and consistent approach to discipline, and warn them of the next step. I also log any contact with parents, from an informal 'having a word' to phone calls, emails and formal meetings, so that if a situation escalates, the parent can't deny knowledge of events.
All done with a positive spirit, much encouragement, recognition of efots to change...
Usually at lunchtimes, when I am lucky to have swigged half a cup of cold coffee before starting the afternoon.

KurriKurri · 23/05/2013 16:12

I think since warnings were given that this is fair (hard but fair).
the boys have shown that they cannot do as they are told in school, presumably the reasoning is that out of school, with exciting things going on, and probably more opportunity to be silly, they are even more likely to misbehave.

There are other children going on this trip, why should their experience be ruined, and possibly even their safety compromised (depending on the type of trip) by a group of silly boys who fool around all the time?

thebody · 23/05/2013 16:20

Good on the head for sending a strong message.

They were warned and serve them right.

Year 6 is old enough.

mrsjay · 23/05/2013 16:34

I really think if they had warnings and they still disnt behave the exclusions should stand it will be a safety issue for all the other children who are on the trips if the boys can't and wont behave at school then how can a school trust them to go yabu he and his friends needs to behave so they can be trusted , action and reactions and all that ,

mrsjay · 23/05/2013 16:38

In your position I'd be making an appointment at the school to discuss his behaviour, and I'd be asking for a reprieve if his behaviour improved

pfft so tiger you are suggesting that the school let them or the op son go just because no wonder teachers say they find getting parental support difficult there days, the children were naughty they got warnings the ignored the warnings they got banned from the trips, well done to that school I would be livid if my dc were banned from a school trip because they refused to behave ,

CloudsAndTrees · 23/05/2013 16:38

It's worth saying that it probably isn't just about punishment. There will be that element to it of course, but the teachers and assistants shouldn't have to be worrying about children who persistently misbehave on residential trips. Nor should the other children.

Bad behaviour isn't only the concern of those who are displaying it, it affects everyone in the class, and the rest of the school too. If its a residential trip, the school will have a responsibility towards the facility they are staying with, and the activity leaders there.

Other people should not be expected to just deal with persistently bad behaviour, they have a right to be protected from it too.

thebody · 23/05/2013 16:43

It's a safeguarding issue as well as a punishment.

I would be livid with my kids if they let me down like this not complaining to the school.

Blu · 23/05/2013 16:49

They use these trips as carrot and stick. DS's school ust took almost £30 from us for a trip in July and the letter states quite clearly that bad behaviour between now and then will result in exclusion from the trip and no refund. Those are the terms under which we sign the consent.

Had this exclusion been imposed with no warning I would think it unfair. But with a warning - has to be imposed. Apart from anything else the threat of exclusion would lose it's power over the whole of the rest of the class if it is rescinded.

Horrible to see your child disappointed, though.

Inertia · 23/05/2013 20:28

They've been warned about their behaviour and chosen to continue to defy the instructions of staff. If they refuse to follow instructions, then they are not safe on an off-site trip. Doesn't matter that DS has been good on previous trips - children don't get to choose when they will behave correctly.

It sounds harsh when you are the parent, but teachers cannot take the risk of children with known behaviour issues causing problems on the trip.

exoticfruits · 24/05/2013 07:31

If you are taking DCs out if school you have to be able to rely on them following instructions or it is simply not safe. Rather than worrying about the school I would be looking into your DS's behaviour- he is in the cusp of going to secondary school and yet can't behave in an appropriate manner to be taken out with the rest of the class.

MadMum101 · 18/02/2019 17:58

Wow, just come across this old thread of mine.

DS was diagnosed with SEVERE learning difficulties, attention deficit and significant working memory issues 6 months later.

None of this had been picked up at that time although he had been referred for an assessment the year before, after my persistent forceful arguments for it, which hadn't happened at the time I wrote this thread.

Blood boiling again 6 years later.

A lesson that if your instinct is that there's something not right with your child, please fight hard to get it recognised. I put DS's treatment at primary school down to his complete lack of self esteem and his hatred/disengagement of school during secondary.

DoJo · 18/02/2019 20:06

So was it your investigation into the situation with this trip that led to his diagnosis?

Dieu · 18/02/2019 20:58

YABU and hopefully he'll learn his lesson.

HarrySnotter · 18/02/2019 21:14

For silly behaviour with other boys at lunchtimes? No one hurt or injured afaik just general horseplay on the school field. Yr 6 boys. Apparently there have been warnings about it.

'Silly behaviour'? What does that mean? A parent recently described her darling son breaking the glass in one of our doors with his foot as 'silly behaviour'.

If children are unable to follow simple instructions then no, I wouldn't take them on the trip, especially the 'big' trips. They are hard enough as it is without having to worry about children unable to follow simple instructions which may keep them and others safe.

I would feel I needed to know what was going on. Then you can decide how you feel about it.

While I agree that you need to know what's going on, it doesn't really matter how you feel about it. They have made a decision based on your son's behaviour.

MadMum101 · 18/02/2019 21:27

Harry and Dieu please see my post of 17.58 today .

DoJo No, school had already referred him for assessment. He displayed low level behaviour issues and was around 4 years behind academically at that point but they had insisted he was 'naughty' and didn't want to learn until I forced the issue

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