Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not talk to someone because they're a cheat

77 replies

LittleLisa78 · 19/05/2013 11:46

At DDs dance practice I usually sit with a dad and chat, he's really nice and always spoke about his wife and family. Yesterday I saw him and he started crying - last week his wife slept with someone at their daughters birthday party, at their house. He said he's not allowed to take her to dancing anymore and that his wife will be. I've chatted to her once or twice before but have no wish to now. AIBU to be polite and say hello if she does but otherwise ignore her?

OP posts:
CrapsWithBears · 19/05/2013 11:47

You've only got this man's POV, you really don't know what actually happened between them. I don't think it's reasonable to make judgement about this woman without knowing the full story.

CrapsWithBears · 19/05/2013 11:48

*judgements

squeakytoy · 19/05/2013 11:48

Has her behaviour (IF is is true) affected YOU.. if not then why should you ignore her.

nickschick · 19/05/2013 11:50

Youre not being unreasonable perhaps a little narrow minded but you have your morals and if you dont want to speak to her you dont have to ...but to be fair its not your business anyway.

Anomaly · 19/05/2013 11:50

It's a children's dance lesson. You're not exactly cultivating lifelong friends. I'd be polite but I'd be careful about taking just his word for what happened. You don't know what has gone on behind closed doors.

SPsCliffingAllOverMN · 19/05/2013 11:50

Why would you ignore her? It doesn't affect you. I dont understand why he told you this either. Talk about over sharing

PodgyTumWellies · 19/05/2013 11:50

You don't know it is true though. And to be honest, the story sounds a bit dodgy. She slept with someone in their own house, at her daughter's party? and why is the father not allowed to take the child dancing anymore? the whole story sounds a bit off.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 19/05/2013 11:51

That doesn't make sense.

SHE cheated and she is not allowing him to take his daughter to a dance class?

Putting restrictions on someone is something someone who has been cheated on would do, not a cheater, surely?

It just doesn't make any sense to me. I have cheated on you and you are no longer allowed to take our daughter to dance class, I will take her instead.

LeaveTheBastid · 19/05/2013 11:51

Confused naff all to do with you, and you have no idea of her side of the story. Why would he not be allowed to take his daughter to dance if it was the wife that slept with someone else?

YANBU to not talk to someome you don't want to, but YABU for it being for the reasons you stated, she hasn't done anything to you.

BriansBrain · 19/05/2013 11:52

I can understand why you feel like it, I can't understand cheating but then I've never been in that situation but it really has nothing to do with you.

Anomaly · 19/05/2013 11:54

I'd also be a bit wary of him a bit of an overshare on his part. Marital problems would have been note than enough to explain his tears.

Anomaly · 19/05/2013 11:55

More not note

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 19/05/2013 11:56

I know it's not affecting me personally and none of my business, but it's still my choice whether to talk to her. From what I've seen of her she's never been nice to him so I'm inclined to believe him. She's not letting him take her dancing or to school anymore so he can't tell anyone what has happened

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 19/05/2013 11:56

You've only chatted to the woman once or twice before

Will she even realise you're not talking to her....let alone care?

PodgyTumWellies · 19/05/2013 11:57

I just instinctively think maybe she has chucked him out (hence, sadness and him not coming to the class) and he is looking to slag her off to everyone around to get back at her.

the story is too strange.

[Plus, have been the victim of someone lying to his wife about having a fling with me, when actually he was covering his tracks about having a fling with a friend of hers.... and having the fallout from that with people not talking to me and snubbing me, when I was and am totally innocent. So I am wary of taking things like that at face value]

FreudiansSlipper · 19/05/2013 11:57

Why do you need to take sides it has nothing to do with you if he needs support I am sure he has friends he is trying to suck you in to his problems for whatever reason

CrapsWithBears · 19/05/2013 11:58

Well then why ask us and why drip feed? Hmm You seem to have already made your mind up.

optionalExtras · 19/05/2013 11:58

I understand you not wanting to engage with someone who appears to have behaved so badly. That sort of knowledge certainly changes how you feel about a person.

But the story is bitty and odd and you only have his side of it, so I'd be careful about openly snubbing her. Why has this man told you anyway? Are you close? A bit too close, maybe?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 19/05/2013 11:59

So what you're saying is you believe this man is in an abusive relationship with a cheating and controlling wife?

LeaveTheBastid · 19/05/2013 12:00

Agree with her not even noticing or being arsed that you are ignoring her if you never talk to her anyway.

Pointless dilemma, really.

cory · 19/05/2013 12:01

You only know one side of the story here and have nothing to check it against.

I have recently witnessed two marital break-ups among my circle: in one case, the whole blame fell on the person whom I was closer to, in the other the official story was that the person I knew best was the innocent victim. I knew enough about the back story to know that things were not that simple, that in both cases there were things that weren't being said, that actually there wasn't that much to choose except that one of my friends was very anxious to dissociate himself from any blame whereas the other was chivalrous and did not want people to speak ill of the mother of his children.

ExitPursuedByABear · 19/05/2013 12:01

I wouldn't speak to her if I were you. That'll teach her!

FJL203 · 19/05/2013 12:05

You can talk to who you like but her private life is really none of her business.

The good thing from her point of view is that she won't have to suffer the faked interest and small talk of a small minded person who's secretly judging her so she may be quite relieved if you ignore her in fact.

FJL203 · 19/05/2013 12:06

None of your business, not none of her business of course!

Laquitar · 19/05/2013 12:15

Do you fancy him?

His story sounds fishy to me.