Would really appreciate some views on this..

[Millietj]

My husband earns two thirds more than I do - for ease sake (not real figures) let's say he earns £2000 per month and I earn £1000 per month.

Am I right in thinking we should split everything so that he pays two thirds of everything and I pay one third? Is that fair? Or should we split jollies, ie holiday spending money, birthday parties etc 50/50 and just split bills with that percentage?

Any views? Would really appreciate some unbiased views on this!

Thanks,
Mx

Ideally, as you are married, all money should go into the same pot... and each have equal access to it.

Dp earns double what I do since I went part time but we still split everything 50/50. Bills get paid then whatever is left is our money. I would struggle with the idea of working it out according to wages. There have been times when I've been the higher earner but we split everything then too. We just view it as household income.

Put all of your monies into a joint account and share and share alike?

Or - pay all of the money into a joint account - the bills are paid out of this, you both take a regular amount for yourselves (if you are lucky enough to have this excess ) of equal amount. Then what is left over can go into a savings account. That way, he isn't paying more because he earns more, neither is her getting more to play with because he is earning more. That seems fair to me. He may earn more than you, but i daresay you work equally as hard for your money.

I know most people do like to have a joint account and to be honest there are days when I'd like that too but we're just not that sort of people. He likes to have his money and I quite like to have mine - neither of us like to justify our spending to the other. EGA, do you mean that you just put everything into a pot, pay the bills and then split the remainder 50/50? Or do you have separate accounts and even though you earn less, you still pay an equal share of the bills?

In our house we have joint money. DH currently earns significantly more than me but as we are each working towards the overall wellbeing of our household, we agreed that we got the same amount of 'pocket money' each month but the rest of our salaries goes straight into the joint pot. This avoids all arguments like yours where presumably your DH is arguing he should only pay half despite earning considerably more than you?!

Personally I think you can tell a lot about a person from their attitude to joint finances...

DH earns more than me.

all money goes into the account

Bills get paid

Anything left over is for us both

simple

I agree with squeaky. Ideally, it shouldn't really be 'your money' and 'his money' it should all be joint.

What happens if e.g. you are on maternity leave and not earing anything - do you not have access to any money?

In that case, both put an equal amount each month into the joint pot for shared costs (bills, shopping, general stuff) and then have your own accounts for what is left over.

Lem, he does work hard and lots of hours - I work have a job that I go to for 6 hours a day but I'm up and "on" from 7am with DD and basically finish for the day about 8pm. DH cooks dinner every evening.. But he still maintains that I work part-time - I genuinely could kill!!!!! Anyhow, thanks for saying that!

Over the years DH and I have swapped places in the 'who earns more' situation and we've always had a 50/50 split across expenses.

We pay a set amount (the same) into a joint account each month which is used to pay all household bills (mortgage, utilities, insurance, car, groceries and some meals out etc.) and then what's in our own accounts is for each of us. That way we cover our joint expenses fairly (IMO) and still have freedom to do what we like with the rest.

Ad hoc costs, such as holidays etc. are split roughly 50/50, although we don't actually sit and work it all out with a calculator, it just happens that we split the costs as we spend (e.g. I'll get X, he'll get Y).

We both pay into a joint account by direct debit from our personal account, and that is used for household bills blah blah. Whether you want to do it fifty fifty or pro-rata with your individual take home pay is up to you. Personally I think it should be fifty fifty, you are after all Millietj and MrMillietj plc. That should leave both of you with some money that's entirely your own to fritter at will.

Sorry just read back own post (too late) I've put it the wrong way round, I meant pro-rata. doh!

We have separate accounts but mostly because we've never got around to sorting out a joint one. Most direct debts come from my accounts which pretty much wipes me out so Dp transfers money to my account for spending. We each have the same amount to spend but if one of us wants something in particular we get it out of his money, it more or less works out evenly I guess. Any bonuses etc. we keep ourselves but they generally get spent on family stuff anyway, or one of us will buy both people a nice treat.

I find it hard to say what percentage of the bills we both pay as we just don't look at it that way. Its our income, our bills, our spare cash and our savings - even though its in separate accounts.

If he was a lone parent, he would have to pay a Nanny a LOT to do what you do. You both work. You should share whatever comes in.

I would always have a small account on the side, as a catastophe fund (and wouldnt mind if he did too) though.
My granny always maintained that a woman should ALWAYS have the house in her name and always have some run-away money.
Bit sexist really, and I don't know why she said it as she had two lovely husbands, but that is what I was brought up to beleive.

I think the bills should be split 50/50, why should he pay more because he earns more? you are both equal, if you were sharing with a house mate you would pay an equal amount, therefore you should pay equal regardless of what you earn, if your not happy then look for a higger paid job?

YoniMitchell, do you mean that if you earned £500 a month and your husband earned £1000 and your bills were, say, £300 a month, you'd be happy to have £350 left over while your husband has £850? Or have I misunderstood?

Joint account.

Yeah, that doesn't sound right Yoni!

VT, I can't look for a higher paid job as I can only work part-time due to childcare committments.

We dont work it out like that, no set thing really. DH earns way more than me, so all the debit orders come off his account and i use mine to buy groceries, kids stuff they need etc. If i need more and he has and i dont I just transfer from his account to mine...

You need to pool your money. You are a couple, you have kids - wtf?! If you don't share then it can only cause problems.

But if you want to start calculating, yes he should pay more. Also, he should pay you for childcare, since you do more.

If you're going to be like this, get it in writing, get it sorted, get it agreed.

Otherwise he'll just have more fun spending - on himself - and you'll just drag on doing all the childcare and feeling pissed off.

Have no idea why couples do this. I think it's a sign of a lack of trust in the relationship somehow.

Partner 1 £2000
Partner 2 £1000
Total in £3000.

Bills/savings out £2000
Each partner gets £500

Thats the way we work it. Childcare and housework fill in the gaps of one partner working too much/too little. We are a family and we work for the family as a unit.

LPJ, I agree with everything you said.

Obviously that post is made up figures...if only :o

A joint account where we each put 50% of the household expenses (for we ARE each 50% of the household expenses), and a separate account where we each receive our salaries. I earn more than OH, so I buy more groceries, pay for more meals out etc, but this works for us.

You need to talk to your partner - personally, just because you earn less doesn't mean you consume less in the household, is what I believe. Sorry.