Would really appreciate some views on this..

[Millietj]

My husband earns two thirds more than I do - for ease sake (not real figures) let's say he earns £2000 per month and I earn £1000 per month.

Am I right in thinking we should split everything so that he pays two thirds of everything and I pay one third? Is that fair? Or should we split jollies, ie holiday spending money, birthday parties etc 50/50 and just split bills with that percentage?

Any views? Would really appreciate some unbiased views on this!

Thanks,
Mx

[curryeater]

The issue here is not the precise way that the bills are paid, or that there is a "right" or a "wrong" way to do this. The issue is that he is taking the piss by treating you and your work as if it has no value.

renegotiate or ltb

[VinegarTits]

i only read the op so didnt know you also have a child, i agree with what lpj said

[flipchart]

I'm on ok money. I work full time but DH earns 3 times the amount I do and always has a lot of cash about him.

He has a business account
Access to the joint account
A savings account


I have access to the joint account
A couple of savings accounts.

Each months I put a lump out of my salary into into the joint and the remainder into savings.

I never draw money from the joint AC.
DH pays £300 a week into the joint and a lump into his savings.

We keep about £200 for 'weekend money' each week to please ourselves with.

This sounds mad but it works for us. I'll say to DH can you leave me some cash today and he'll say 'sure, how much roughly do you need?' That way I'm not drawing from the bank.

I am aware that I sound like a 1950's housewife but money isn't a stumbling block and neither of us are tight with money.

If I'm out i'llbuy what ever I fancy or need or book a holiday, tickets or whatever on a credit card and it'll be settled each month.

I like to keep the joint balance at around £2,000 all the time and the credit cards with virtually no

[YoniMitchell]

Milletj that's always worked for us - we only commit to costs we can both afford adn feel comfortable with so it's never been the case that one of us is on the breadline or struggling.

We don't have kids (yet) and both earn good salaries, so we're lucky that it's never been an issue.

When we have a child we'll make adjustments but the basic set-up will probably stay the same (albeit with bigger contributions into the joint account).

[IfNotNowThenWhen]

The trouble with saying "both partners consume 50 % of costs" is that often with children, one partner (usually the woman) will be earning less because of someone (like OP) having to look after the children, especially when the other, higher earning partner is working outside the home for long hours.
If the childcare/pt working partner went back to work the same long hours as the other partner, would they split the resulting childcare costs equally?
Presumably, so that would take a large chunk out of the previously higher earning partners salary that was not being taken before.
Therefore, if one partner takes on the childcare, at the expense of being able to earn more outside the home, then that has to be taken into consideration.

[boxershorts]

I have heard couples say putting all the earning in one pot works for them

Things have changed. In days gone by wifes were often never told what their hubby earned.

[superbagpuss]

OK, I earn more then dh because he earns peanuts but will be sah dad

after many different ways of doing finances, we were both solvent when we got together but I still had student debt I didn't think was his place to pay

we now put all money in joint account, which pays all bills, stuff for DC and joint activities such as holidays etc. also all family birthday or Christmas presents come from this account but we discuss before spending.

we have a joint saving account and individual isa to maximise tax efficiency.

we have monthly amounts put into our own accounts for pin money, is each others presents or if we want to buy something without having to justify it, normally shoes I do have more into my account but I have a personal pension coming out of that account so it is kind of fair

its complicated but works for us as a couple

[cornflakegirl]

We've always had a joint account, but I think the idea of shared money is especially important if either of you are restricted by childcare commitments. (I guess if you're both well paid and have a nanny, for example, that separate money can still work okay). DH and I have similar attitudes to spending, so don't have a problem with everything coming straight from the joint account, but I can understand why separate accounts with equal spending money works for other people.

[TeWiSavesTheDay]

Totally get why you'd want separate accounts - but really having a joint account for family bills is pretty vital unless you are both rolling in it.

You can do both. Work out what you need in total to pay all bills including food, kids stuff etc, then proportionally split your wages and put enough each in to cover the bills each month. You'll still have money that's 'yours' each, but it'll be the same amount each.

[Millietj]

Thanks all - really value your opinions. A lot of you have agreed that it should be split proportionately - but do you mean for things like holiday money too? Say you want to take away £600 in total - should that be split percentage wise too or just £300 each????

[cornflakegirl]

TeWi - but a proportional split doesn't give them the same spending money. If A earns £2k, B earns £1k, bills are £2k, then splitting proportionally, A would transfer £1333, leaving them with £667, and B would transfer £667, leaving them with £333. Personally, I think that paying so that you each have the same personal money - £500 in this case - is fairer and avoids resentment, especially when the earning power of one party is restricted by a decision that both parties have taken.

[Wishiwasanheiress]

Sorry, your splitting bills? Why? Are you divorcing?

One family, one money pot. End of argument.

[Millietj]

Wishi.. thanks for taking the time to respond but that's not very helpful.. Different strokes etc.

[cornflakegirl]

Millie - cross posted with you - I would expect that to be split in the same way that your personal money is split. So, if you each get £500 a month to spend, then holidays would be split 50/50. If your personal money is in proportion to your earnings, then holidays would be proportionate too.

[TiaMariaandSpringCleaning]

DH earns more than me - it used to be the other way around. We have always had our own accounts and are paid into those. We pay bills proportionate to our wages (ditto saving into a joint account) so we both end up with roughly the same 'left over' cash each month for ourselves.

Really we should have all the wages going into one account and all bills coming out of it, but neither of us can be arsed getting all the direct debits changed over and anyway we quite like the fact that the separate accounts mean that we can buy treats for each other without the other seeing them in advance or what they cost from looking at a joint bank statement iyswim.

We both see all the money coming in as shared money - neither of us has ever had more or less call on it than the other, regardless of who earns what.

[TeWiSavesTheDay]

Yeah, sorry, I wasn't clear with my use of proportional. Distracted!

I meant, like you - say total income is 3k, bills are 1.5k, so to have £750 each in private account person on 1k adds £250 to joint account and person on 2k adds £1250.

[ColouringInQueen]

Another one with a joint account from which all the bills, mortgage, direct debits come out of. Out of this also goes some pocket money into individual accounts for DH and me, and another standing order into a savings account for things like holidays and DIY stuff. Works well for us.

[AnythingNotEverything]

We do what wannabe said. Seems the fairest way to me.

If you've taken a pay cut to look after kids, why should you have less money for personal treats?

[Illustrationaddict]

In our house we have an account each, like you OP we like to have our own money, but we also have a joint in which 50% of our wages go in and pay the bills. DH earns more than me, but he puts a higher cut in. I work part time, and do more housework, childcare than him, so I think it's pretty faire that his percentage is higher & we then have a bit left each.

I can see if you are a SAHM this would and should be different, my friend looked at it like 'what would I pay a nursery' and her DH gives her a good percentage of that as her everyday spend, which actually is about the same as if she worked (lucky girl;) )

[Potteresque97]

As your earning power is constrained by childcare duties then that needs to be compensated for because he couldn't earn his salary without your support or paying someone else for childcare etc. Personally, I think he should be contributing 2/3 to every expense, be it bills or discretionary or come up with a monetary value for what you are losing out on in career terms (salary progression and childcare time)

[Cabrinha]

You could take another approach - and look at why you are earning less. Do you want to earn less? Should your husband be part time so that you can increase your earnings and develop your career?

My husband (actually, I've started divorce proceedings) and I both earn good salaries, but I'm probably 40% to 60% of our joint income. Because we both have reasonable spending money after splitting bills (equally) there isn't the drive to even things up. We're both fairly relaxed about money too - although I'm an "absolutely will pay my way" (note the equal bills) type. So where we are informal I possibly "lose out". We manage household bills from a joint account with 50/50 share. Personal bills we pay ourselves - for examples, he wanted a flashier car than me, he repays the loan. Because he earns more, sometimes I say "no, can't afford that" - and he pays. Example: solar panels for house. But generally it all works out.

I am happier NOT having what I see as "his" money. But - it causes no resentment, and probably balances pretty well. This will horrify some, but if we eat out, it's either his treat or mine - not from joint. The joint account is administrative expediency really - just fixed household / childcare bills.

As I mentioned, we're divorcing - but that's not to do with money!

[Millietj]

Agreed that if you pay all bills and then take an equal "cut" of the leftover amount (ie both have say £500 each left) then all future spend should definitely be split 50/50. However, DH pays 63% of bills and I pay 36% and once that's done he has the same percentage more than me left - ie the remainder is £1000 - he has £660 and I have £330 [made up numbers] that's why I feel it's a little unjust (he hasn't even suggested 50/50 - I just want to make sure I'm not being unreasonable for suggesting it) that out of these unequal "spenders" amounts, I should pay the same as he does.....

[unebagpipe]

Haven't read everyone's posts... But joint account is really logical. That way all money is 'family money'. As a family unit why should your Dh have more money than you? What will happen when you retire? Would your children inherit separately from you and your DH? How do you work out your wills on that basis? Sorry, separate accounts are very alien to me! Just can't understand why you'd want to do this if you are married!

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

You like to have your money and he likes to have "his" but the trouble is that you don't earn as much....if you want the luxury of your own money, then you can't complain....but suck it up....and split everything 50 50.

This is why people have a pot...so that the one who earns less isn't penalised by being a parent who does more childcare.

[Illustrationaddict]

It's not faire on you, but saying that I guess I loose out too as pay 50% of my wage which is less than DH wage, BUT I guess We do discuss big spends, and he does 'treat me' more than I treat him. The thing I focus on is that I get to stay at home those extra days with DC and see them develop which to be faire is priceless (sorry if that makes people sick) but I do get impression off DH that he does feel he misses out a lot.