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AIBU?

Would really appreciate some views on this..

66 replies

Millietj · 08/05/2013 10:37

My husband earns two thirds more than I do - for ease sake (not real figures) let's say he earns £2000 per month and I earn £1000 per month.

Am I right in thinking we should split everything so that he pays two thirds of everything and I pay one third? Is that fair? Or should we split jollies, ie holiday spending money, birthday parties etc 50/50 and just split bills with that percentage?

Any views? Would really appreciate some unbiased views on this!

Thanks,
Mx

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Beamur · 08/05/2013 13:22

I have a similar earning difference to my DP too, but we have one bank account, all our respective earnings go into it, we pay all our bills out of it and there is a free for all for the rest of the month! He has never quibbled over money.

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JackieTheFart · 08/05/2013 13:24

We have a joint account, DH is out of work right now but when we were both earning, all salaries/tax credits/child benefits went into the one account, all bills were paid and then everything was spends.

Now I'm the sole earner, but the same applies. DH tends to ask me first before he spends any money on himself, not if it's on the kids though! It's just habit really - I don't care so long as he doesn't go crazy.

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TeWiSavesTheDay · 08/05/2013 13:26

If your spends end up being proportional too then I definitely think that things like holidays should be split proportionally as well. As you say 50/50 in that situation is not fair.

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Millietj · 08/05/2013 13:34

NMZD - I don't understand your post - on the one hand you're saying suck it up but on the other saying it's not fair to penalise the person on a lower wage???

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chickabilla · 08/05/2013 13:37

I earn less than DH due to only working part time normally and on maternity at the moment. Even when we earned the same we got paid into the joint account then had some personal money transferred into our individual accounts. We dont bother anymore and just spend from the joint account. We are not frivolous so it is fine.

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Inertia · 08/05/2013 13:44

Well, you're working fewer paid hours than him, but more than making that up to full time by doing the childcare. You could try calculating how much it would actually cost him if he had to pay for the childcare you provide (hence allowing him to work his paid hours) - however, if he genuinely begrudges spending "his money" on family expenses, I can't see how you'd resolve it.

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lljkk · 08/05/2013 13:58

If you're determined to have separate money then you need a 3rd joint account which is only used for joint expenses (house, children). You could both pay into it say 3/4 of your salaries.

Much easier just to have a single joint account, though.

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TigerFeet · 08/05/2013 14:04

I earn way less and woh far fewer hours than dh, I do most child wrangling and household stuff. All money, salaries, CB, anything else that should come our way (if only) goes into a joint account out of which all household expenses are paid. We each get an equal small amount oaid into our personal accounts to squander as we see fit. Works extremely well as we both have visibility of household in and outgoings but don't have to justify spending our own cash. Anything left in the joint account goes on family days out, put aside for big household expenses, that kind of thing.

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2beornot · 08/05/2013 14:17

DH and I do everything completely joint and they works for us. But it doesn't seem as if its the best fit here.

You should absolutely have the same amount of spending money each. I would say have your own accounts, then every month transfer across your contribution, leaving a set amount in your own account (whatever your budget allows). This way you can spend from your own accounts on whatever you like but it's fair.

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2beornot · 08/05/2013 14:19

Basically, what tigerfeet said

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HorryIsUpduffed · 08/05/2013 14:23

We have always (ie since marriage and graduation which were pretty much at the same time) had a joint account and separate personal accounts. We have always pooled income and had equal "fun money" transferred into personal accounts.

It's a model that works well for us and is very popular on Mumsnet, partly because it is practical, and partly because it is fair.

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CPtart · 08/05/2013 14:34

My DH earns almost five times what I earn. He is a spender, I a saver. We each put x% of our salaries into a joint account for all bills, holidays etc, and the remainder is left for each of us to do with as we wish.

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elQuintoConyo · 08/05/2013 14:43

How about you both put 2/3(or whatever) of your salary in a joint account, what's left is your own. You've both paid in the same percentage and you have still got money for gym/clothes/chocolate etc.

Haven't read whole thread, sorry if I have repeated a pp.

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2beornot · 08/05/2013 15:02

But elquinto why should her OH have more spending money?

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Zalen · 08/05/2013 16:08

For the first 21 years of our marriage we always pooled our money and each had a set amount of pocket money paid into separate personal accounts. Then my husband decided that we should separate our finances and I've never been so relieved in my life. Now we each have our own accounts and each pay half of the total required for bills, mortgage, shopping etc into a joint account then whatever remains is ours to spend as we wish.

To me that is the only fair way to do it. My husband has no idea of the value of money. For someone who thinks money is supremely unimportant he sure loves spending it! When our money was pooled I always felt guilty when he was short of cash so always let him have whatever extra he needed. Now I no longer have to do that and it's an immense relief, he no longer gets to spend all my money and I don't resent him half as much.

50/50 seems the only fair way to me however as you have the situation where one partner's earning potential is reduced by childcare considerations you could maybe go with something along the lines of you earn £x, if you were able to work full time you would earn £y extra and it would cost £z in childcare. Therefore he owes you £y/2 per month or if he prefers you can go back to full-time employment and his share of the bills will increase by £z/2.

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ivanapoo · 08/05/2013 16:36

We have a joint account and every month pay all of our salaries bar £250 each into that. The £250 stays in our own, separate accounts.

The £250 pays for anything beyond mortgage, bills, savings pot, baby essentials and grocery shopping - so everything from coffees with friends, petrol, meals out, clothes, mobile phone, gifts, etc.

We only did this after getting pregnant with DS though. Before, I earned a bit more but not loads so we split things 50:50 and I just tried to be generous eg paying for meals out, buying DH the odd piece of clothing, and so on.

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