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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at MIL pronouncing DD's name incorrectly

88 replies

myhousewillneverbetidy · 29/04/2013 13:29

We don't see in laws that often, maybe 2/3 times a month and haven't always had the best relationship with them (in fact they stopped speaking to us for several months and we still don't really know why )

Anyway the last time we saw them MIL kept pronouncing dd name incorrectly. DDs name does have 2 ways of pronunciation but she is 2 so would expect grandparents to be able to remember by now!!

I didn't say anything as we have such a fragile relationship with them and they would see it as me picking fault with them. I quietly seethed through the whole visit though

AIBU?

OP posts:
BlingLoving · 29/04/2013 13:30

YANBU.

YABU not to have said anything and to be seething after. Doesn't matter how good or bad your relationship is - they're saying her name wrong. Correct them firmly but politely on the spot. They are being passive aggressive and unnecessarily unpleasant and DD's name is her name. Not an optional choice of how to say tomato.

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 29/04/2013 13:32

My entire family pronounce my DS' name incorrectly as do my friends and even random strangers that I have just told his name, actually making out as if I am the one pronouncing it wrong. You could talk to them about it but in my experience they will quickly 'forget' the conversation.

NumericalMum · 29/04/2013 13:34

Your DC will correct them when older, don't worry!

OHforDUCKScake · 29/04/2013 13:34

Correct her, correct her, and correct her again.

Some family members on my side and exdp's side spell DS2's name wrong. I corrected them a few times, but they continued. I stopped for a bit not wanting to sound like a nag.

Then I thought, no its his flippimg name! His grandmother of all people should know how to spell it.

So I started correcting everyone, every, single, bloody, time.

He's two soon and I still need to correct some of them.

In text for example, I will reply "Yes, we'd love to see you in the Easter holidays, we're really looking forward to it! See you soon! P.S its [sons name] with an O.

quesadilla · 29/04/2013 13:35

YANBU. It's really disrespectful. I have a child-hating child free friend who routinely (and very obviously on purpose) mispronounces my daughter's name to make an oh-so-subtle point about how uninterested she is in children. It incredibly passive aggressive and I have and will continue to call her on it.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 29/04/2013 13:36

Ach, the time will come soon enough when your dd will turn to her gp with a quizzical/annoyed look on her face and correct them herself. Grin Not worth seething about it.

Startail · 29/04/2013 13:41

Yes, leave it. Your DD will tell them soon enough or decide the mispronounced one is just her grandparents name for her.

My nan had a shortening of my name no one else used and I let my great aunt and only my great aunt use my full name.

Both are long gone, but I still remember their naming foibles fondly.

BerthaTheBogCleaner · 29/04/2013 13:42

Ask her why she says it wrong.

If she is doing it deliberately, she'll either be wrong-footed or come right out and say she doesn't like the name/thinks you say it wrong. If the latter, immediately start calling MIL "Doris", because you prefer it to her real name, and you get to choose, right?

If she is trying hard and can't say it / can't remember it, you can work on it together, and you'll seethe less if you know she is trying.

BerthaTheBogCleaner · 29/04/2013 13:44

Ah, re-read your last line.

YABU to keep quiet and then seethe. You need to come right out and talk to them. You can do it politely. If they decide to take offence at this, that is entirely their choice and also their problem, not yours. Life is far too short to pussy-foot around people - especially people who know they can behave how they like cos everyone is too scared to upset them.

coppertop · 29/04/2013 13:49

How do you think MIL would react if/when your dd tells her that she's getting her name wrong?

The answer to that question is probably the key to what you should/shouldn't say now.

If she's likely to get angry and stop speaking to you all again because of it, then I would pull MIL up on it now. If she chooses to stop speaking to you then so be it.

If she's likely to get embarrassed but then start using the correct pronunciation then I would leave it for now.

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 29/04/2013 13:50

My mum refuses to learn how to spell DD's name correctly. She wanted me to spell it differently but when I went the traditional route she just refused to us it.

When DD got to 3 she started saying at birthdays etc " Nanny this isn't my card - that's not my name " But my mum said it's just her special way of spelling it just between them Hmm

It's annoying but 12 years down the line I have no energy to correct her. I wasn't firm enough to begin with though so maybe you should try now and avoid more years of resentment?

TooManyDicksOnTheDancefloor · 29/04/2013 13:51

We have this problem with dd2's name, it drives me mad! In-laws say it wrong, strangers who I have just told it to repeat it back wrongly and give me the 'surely you mean...look'.

They all use a more common name that is very similar but spelt and pronounced differently. It's a welsh name but not difficult to pronounce at all. YANBU, tell them every time, dd1 corrects everyone for us and she's five.

Cosydressinggown · 29/04/2013 13:57

I wouldn't leave it for the DD to tell them herself - how would you feel as a granddaughter if your own granny didn't say your name right?!

I think it's better if you as her mum (and someone who doesn't have that great a relationship with them anyway) take any flack that comes with correcting them now. You can do it really nicely, I'm sure.

Is the way you pronounce it the most common way? I have a friend with a little girl called Naomi and she pronounces it like NAY-o-me and I keep saying Nay-OH-me because that's the way I know it. I kick myself every time it slips out but find it really hard to say it (what feels like) the 'wrong' way!

Your MIL does need to be corrected though, at least once, because then at least she can be aware of it.

YANBU though, it's really, really annoying.

FanjoPaterson · 29/04/2013 13:58

DP's aunt likes to pronounce DD's name wrong. I say nothing- DP is socially gauche and just flat out goes 'you said it wrong, it's Imo-JEN, not Imo-JEAN.' Every time. He uses his 'explaining things' voice which he uses for Really Silly People, too.

It's the only advice I can give. Correct constantly. As someone with a mispronounced name, you need to start correcting people now, so she knows it's ok to do it, too.

FanjoPaterson · 29/04/2013 14:00

For posterity, DD is Imogen. Not I Imojen. The 'J' was to demonstrate pronunciation.

BobblyGussets · 29/04/2013 14:03

Urgh, I hope they aren't pronouncing the lovely name "Esme" (nice pronounced "Esmay") as "Ezmee" (horrid)? You must tell them.

Peevish · 29/04/2013 14:21

Oh god, my ILs can't or won't pronounce my baby son's name properly either. Part of it is that neither of them pronounces 'th', and his name begins with that. But to make matters worse, when we went to visit (not UK) several months after he was born, they had told the entire extended family on their side their own version of the name, so everyone was pronouncing it wrong! I should add that it's an ordinary enough Biblical name pronounced phonetically, nothing exotic. It drives me mad, and having to keep correcting them is exhausting, and still doesn't make them get it right. My MIL just acts offended and implies we should have called him something 'more ordinary'. Then again, she mispronounces her own husband and son's name, which is very ordinary. Grr.

Tapirbackrider · 29/04/2013 14:35

I have a nice, simple, easy to spell and pronounce name. I also had an aunt who insisted on spelling/pronouncing it her (totally unique) way. It used to puzzle me as a child, but it was glossed over.

Found out later it was simply because she genuinely didn't like me, and it was her way of taking the piss Angry

Not really on topic I suppose but people can be weird about names.

Justforlaughs · 29/04/2013 14:52

My great aunt can't say or spell any of my DC's or DN's names, but then she is 97 now. (having said that she was the same when she was 67!)

PuppyMonkey · 29/04/2013 14:57

I think Esmay is horrid and Esmee is lovely, so ner nerGrin

We have an Esme, and people do say it "wrong" or just not the way we like it. DD soon corrects them.

Katnisscupcake · 29/04/2013 15:00

Another one here whose family can't seem to spell DD's name properly. It's not difficult.

I have to admit that I put it down to sloppiness and just not caring. DH's family ALWAYS spell it right. Mine don't. DH is starting to get quite cross about it... Blush

I've told them, but they just don't take it in...

Jewcy · 29/04/2013 15:00

Serves you right for not calling her Anne.

EugenesAxe · 29/04/2013 15:14

I have to admit that I also quite like 'Esmee'... The other pronunciation sounds a bit pretentious, but I would still use it if was someone's name.

She should follow your wishes obviously; I'd cop out and get DH to have a quiet word just between them, to find out the reasons. It would be interesting to know the name - there's potential for snobbery if it's a traditional name that you've fiddled with (baffled by CharlieU's DM's attitude), but I also agree it could be a reflection of their attitude to you and your DD. it's quite insulting either way.

LeChatRouge · 29/04/2013 15:22

This happened to my friend....her revenge was to mispronounce her MIL's name, and say it as often as possible.

A cup of tea DEEanna? That would be lovely.
So, DEEanna, how's the dog?
Right then DEEanna, we don't want to get stuck in rush hour, time to go.

MIL was Diana.

JackieTheFart · 29/04/2013 15:27

Esmay is horrible and totally affected.

It's Esmeeeeeeee! Unless you are accenting it of course, but why woudl you do that when it is a contraction of Esmerelda?!

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