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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at MIL pronouncing DD's name incorrectly

88 replies

myhousewillneverbetidy · 29/04/2013 13:29

We don't see in laws that often, maybe 2/3 times a month and haven't always had the best relationship with them (in fact they stopped speaking to us for several months and we still don't really know why )

Anyway the last time we saw them MIL kept pronouncing dd name incorrectly. DDs name does have 2 ways of pronunciation but she is 2 so would expect grandparents to be able to remember by now!!

I didn't say anything as we have such a fragile relationship with them and they would see it as me picking fault with them. I quietly seethed through the whole visit though

AIBU?

OP posts:
Booboostoo · 30/04/2013 07:41

I am sure some people mispronounce on purpose to be mean, but to be fair some people have problems pronouncing some words and once you get something wrong it can get stuck and make you feel flustered which just makes things worse.

I have a difficult to pronounce name "Nafsika". In the original Greek the accent is on the last syllable which makes it even worse. I am often called "Athina" in Greece, and "Natasha" in the UK. Some English speakers also can't seem to be able to say the "fs" sound, so I also get called "Nassika", "Nasfika" and "Nafiska". By comparison most people in France can pronounce it - yay! I have come across a lot of people who are visibly embarassed that they can't remember my name or try to avoid using it because they can't pronounce it; I do feel bad for them and generally respond to any version of my name people manage to come out with apart from "Naf".

I named my DD "Lily" to avoid any possible confusion...and of course no one, not even DP and I, can decide whether the accent is on the first syllable (as per more usual english pronounciation) or the last one (as per more usual French pronounciation).

Pennybubbly · 30/04/2013 08:33

My f-in-law chose a name for my DS when I was pregnant. Not liking the name, DH and I gave him a different name when he was born.
F-in-law decided he didn't like it, so for the past 5 years, has called DS by a different name (and not the one he originally chose).
Hmm

OhTheConfusion · 30/04/2013 08:48

I would speak up now. My MIL mis-pronounces my name and no matter how many times I said in the first few years she still does it... im sure it is to pee me off!

My name has two (possibly three at a push) pronunciations and she insists on using 'ae' instead of 'E'.

BiddyPop · 30/04/2013 09:00

DD is 7. My DM and FIL both pronounce her name wrong (using the same pronunciation though).

What is particularly funny is that her 3 yr old cousin recently commented on how "(DM) is so silly as she always says (DD's) name wrong - it's "DD" not "DDwrongname", isn;t that silly mummy." Out of the mouth of babes!!! Grin

I've given up trying, DD answers to it, but most people do get it right.

(My DM recently had to ring me to know what name to use on a cheque to me - I haven't changed my name since I was born and she knows the trouble I've had in the past with cheques made out to my "married" name until we got a joint account a few years back - we're married 13 years!!)

oldwomaninashoe · 30/04/2013 09:03

We has several names on the "list" for DS2. I told MIL that we were going to call the baby Alexander which she insisted pronouncing Alexandra, at 3 days old we re-named him Sean!

hackmum · 30/04/2013 09:17

It's very hard with names. If you find a name that's easy to pronounce, it's almost bound to be a name that has several alternative spellings (Anne, Catherine, Linda...)

When people consistently mispronounce a name, it sounds to me like an act of passive aggression. They're doing it deliberately as a way of having a go at you. You can train DD not to answer to anything other than her given name.

GrendelsMum · 30/04/2013 12:21

For what it's worth, my mum saddled me with rather an unusual name. The result is that quite a lot of people forget what it is, and randomly attempt to call me names beginning with the same letter.

Think phone calls starting, "Hello, is that Iris?" and me saying "Yes, this is Irene, how can I help?"

Booboostoo · 30/04/2013 13:07

That rings so true GrendelsMum!! I get phone calls that go "Hello is this Na...erh? Narf...erh?Massfr?" and I reply "Yes that's me!".

GrendelsMum · 30/04/2013 15:00

Oh, I'm so glad it's not just me!

Original poster
myhousewillneverbetidy · 01/05/2013 01:19

thanks for all the responses. Think I will get DH to mention it to them casually next time he sees them. That way I won't be seen as picking fault.
The name in question is Evelyn (not Eve-lyn but Eh veh lyn) Not a particularly unusual name so shouldnt be too difficult to remember. In my opinion the other pronunciation is a completely different name and is not the name of DD. argh still annoying me thinking about it Angry

OP posts:
b4bunnies · 01/05/2013 06:32

try having a 'sian' in lancashire. welsh purists go for 'shann', that'll do but we're not welsh and we wanted an 'ah' sound.
oh, the years of 'shawn', 'shaaaarrrrn' 'shoarn' etc. no, i didn't name my daughter 'sean'. or 'see-ann'.

it wasn't hard to say. it isn't.

and i hadn't realised i'd chosen a pretentious name until now. there i was, reading the thread, wondering why people just didn't stick to normal names like 'jane' (not jayne, or jaynee, or 'jane pronounced jenny to make her different from her grandma') when i remembered my own baby has a middle name no-one could cope with.

could have called her jane. didn't. she doesn't use her middle name now. and her baby has a name that is easy to say.

zebraowl, what's your name?

ZolaBuddleia · 01/05/2013 08:04

OP, maybe your DH needs to give your MIL a way of remembering it (failing that beat it in with a wet fish). Perhaps tell her it's Ever Lynne?

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 01/05/2013 08:12

b4bunnies - my SIL used Sian as a middle name for my niece but she wanted the pronunciation to be si-ann. I don't think she'd fare well with an AIBU about people getting that one wrong :o

My dad gave me a made up name for my middle name so if I need to write it I'm forever having to say it to people as they always question it.

I named both my children 'known' names but the do have tricky spellings. Think two vowels together that get changed around alot. But DD understands that and corrects people if they ask her. DS is still at the stage of saying every word with his initial is his name so he doesn't care yet.

With his name there has only ever been one women who never said it right despite me repeating it back correctly every time.

GrendelsMum · 01/05/2013 17:00

It's quite an unusual pronunciation that you've chosen, isn't it? I think I can see why your DMiL is getting confused.

Yes, I think you'd better get your DH to come straight out and say that you're not pronouncing it as she might expect, and that it's like 'ever-lynn'.

PrincessScrumpy · 01/05/2013 17:13

My dad never remembers dd1s name. I love him but do think he should be able to remember it. He only had 3gc(another on the way) and she was the first. Not unusual name either. Id let dc tell her when old enough and in the mean time, when she says the name make a point of using DC name straight after in conversation!

greenformica · 01/05/2013 17:49

use her name in lots of sentences very clearly so they can hear?

MummyPig24 · 01/05/2013 18:35

Booboostoo my dd is also Lily, easy yes? No! No bloody person can spell it right. She is 3 so family have had plenty of time to learn the correct spelling but there are still some repeat offenders!

alcibiades · 01/05/2013 19:11

Apparently, Evelyn Waugh insisted that the correct pronunciation of his name was "Eve-lyn". So, perhaps you could tell your MiL that she's using the boy's pronunciation rather than the girl's. (No idea whether that's true, but it might help.)

Booboostoo · 02/05/2013 08:43

OP your MIL may be doing this on purpose in which case that is no excuse, but I could see me mispronouncing Evelyn as well, feeling really bad about it, then getting all stressed and forgetting which way was which! I have a good friend whose daughter is called Deanne - lovely name, I had no wish to rename her DD for her...but nonetheless I always called her Diane and even when I knew it was wrong, I knew I was going to get it wrong, the wrong thing popped out of my mouth! In the end I tried to avoid referring to her DD by name as I was totally stressed by getting it wrong and I could tell she was beginning to think I was an annoying idiot!

MummyPig24 we went for "Lily" as the easiest but I suppose there is Lilly, Lili, Lillie.

storynanny · 02/05/2013 09:17

It's incredibly rude not to get a name right after you have been told how to say it. As a supply teacher I come across a wide range of... Interesting and unusual ......names. I always say "how would you like me to say your name?" It's basic good manners.

Slavetothechild · 02/05/2013 09:29

We have 5 children and my in laws seem to have problems with most of their names ! They decided they didn't like dd1s name so chose to call her something completely different ! It worked until she was about 2 1/2 or 3 when she told them that unless they used her real name she would ignore them !! I was so proud of her ds2 grins and bears te fact that they can say his name right or spell it correctly ( neither can my parents !) his name only has THREE letters . Finally ds3 is known to them by a completely different name ! But he's laid back and doesn't care :) . So only 2 children escaped having their names changed by my mad in laws

Keepthechangeyoufilthyanimal · 02/05/2013 10:11

Wow I am really shocked and surprised at the amount of stories on here of people pronouncing/spelling names wrong!
I find that so rude! A mis-pronounciation or mis spelling one or twice would be excusable (though I would be embarrassed about that) but I think its a lack of common courtesy to not learn/continually forget/do it on purpose!

We had two Claires at our wedding - one was Claire and one was Clare - I was mortified when I realised I'd mixed up the place cards! Blush
Also had a Fiona who is referred to as Fi. How was I to know she spells it Fee? But I've never made the same mistake again.

I can't understand how a child's grandparent would purposely call them something other than their name, that shows such a lack of respect to the parents and their choice of name.
I would have to be really firm and quite rude personally so they got the message. If that still didn't work, I would purposely start calling MIL something else.

Good luck, OP. (Love the name Evelyn by the way, but I prefer your pronunciation!)

storynanny · 02/05/2013 10:29

Ah the spelling thing! I've taught a girl called Dayzzeee and a boy called Louise, both as written on a birth certificate.

lottiegarbanzo · 02/05/2013 10:38

Evelyn always has three syllables, that is in no way unusual!

it can be Eee of Eh at the beginning (the first like Eva-lynn, second Ever-lynn or as OP writes) and I think OP's version is far more popular but I have NEVER heard of 'Eve-Lynn' with two syllables.

Have they never come across the name before? Do they, on some level, think you've got it wrong and are trying to correct you? Perhaps you could throw snippets about famous Evelyns into conversation - Waugh, Glennie um, research needed.

I'd definitely suggest DH asks them why they're doing it and raessures them you really do have it right (and other people will think they're really odd!). They need to explain themselves!

Xmasbaby11 · 02/05/2013 10:38

YANBU .. although there's not a huge difference between the two pronunciations as the middle syllable is not stressed and so very short. I would imagine a lot of people could not hear the difference, depending on your accent.

My name has always been mispronounced and misspelt. It doesn't bother me. I still like having a less common name.

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