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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP leaving baby DD in car

122 replies

NotSoNervous · 17/04/2013 13:31

Me and DP don't agree at all on this and I don't think I'm over acting and I know you ladies will be brutally honest.

DP thinks its okay to leave 6mo DD in the car on her own while he goes in the shop and grabs a paper/drink ect he can't always get parked right outside which I don't think matters but sometimes he has to park 4 or 5 cars away but he doesn't think there's a problem if its locked and I think it's completely wrong and it pisses me of everytime

WIBU me or DP?

OP posts:
MajaBiene · 17/04/2013 13:34

If she's asleep/not bothered about it and it is less than 5 minutes, then personally I wouldn't mind.

Doing a big supermarket shop with the car at the other end of the carpark is a different matter.

I don't think either or you is BU, just different preferences.

aldiwhore · 17/04/2013 13:34

YANBU.

The only exception I can think of where it's okay, and possibly a safer option is a petrol station, with no queue, but even then it depends on where it is! The advice is also to leave the car unlocked as well in case there's an explosion...

Emsmaman · 17/04/2013 13:35

YANBU, my DH told me off when I admitted to leaving DD in the car whilst I paid for petrol!

fairylightsinthespring · 17/04/2013 13:46

In the circumstances you describe, YABU. I frequently leave my two (age 3 and 1) in the car if I am stopped within that proximity of the shop and I am only getting one or two items. Today I left DD (1) in the car while I ran in and grabbed DS from pre-school because she was sound asleep. Every specific situation is different in relation to traffic, passers by etc but I think the explosion thing is ridiculous and so unlikely as to be a negligible risk. You are 100% more likely to be injured in a MOVING car than a stationary one, so by that logic, you shouldn't have them in the car in the first place.

FoxyRevenger · 17/04/2013 13:49

I do this if I have to, I think it's absolutely fine.

Probably the chances of the car exploding or somesuch is vanishingly small.

They're strapped in, they're locked in, it's two minutes. It's fine.

FarmersGoodWife · 17/04/2013 13:49

I think it is one of those questions where each to their own. I have never left DC in the car, at any age, for any reason. If he is asleep I make sure I use pay and pump petrol stations and will always take him into the shop, garage etc with me regardless if he has been sleeping. He has now learnt to stay asleep if he wants to so its not a problem. It was never something I thought about, just my natural instinct. So I don't think you are being unreasonable on this.

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 17/04/2013 13:51

This isn't something I would do but I know others have no problem with it.

aldiwhore · 17/04/2013 13:54

Foxy the 'exploding' part is more exclusive to petrol stations, not random spontaneous combustion... and unlocked doors to. Smile That was the advice I was given, and it sort of makes sense.

MrsBungle · 17/04/2013 13:54

I leave my two in the car right outside a shop if I am nipping in for a loaf of bread of such like. I have never seen an exploding car.

KatAndKit · 17/04/2013 14:00

This isn't something I would do under any circumstances. I just don't think it is safe and ok, the chance of anything happening is small leaving a baby alone in a car is an unnecessary risk - he should just take her into the shop. Do you have a baby car seat that clips onto the pushchair chassis? I have found this a lifesaver. Also a sling for quick trips into a shop is useful. I use pay at the pump petrol stations whenever possible.
The only exception I make is at my local station there is a cash machine with a parking spot right in front of it. So because I am only going to be 6foot away from my car, I leave him in while I get cash out. I wouldn't leave him alone in the car while i went into the shop though.
I personally think that it is perhaps ok in a petrol station type shop if you absolutely have to as the forecourt is within full view while you are paying. But in most other shops that isn't the case, she would be totally out of his sight. I agree with you that it is completely wrong but that isn't the point. You have told him you are not happy and he is refusing to respect your wishes.

TaurielTest · 17/04/2013 14:04

YANBU. It's not just the small risk of something happening to them in the car, what if something happened to you and that few minutes became a longer time, and they're stuck in a car? Not worth risking IMO, for the sake of a quicker pop-in-the-shop.

Nagoo · 17/04/2013 14:06

DH did this when DS was old enough to tell me about how he got left in the car while DH went into B&Q! He was old enough to escape from his car seat with a bit of willpower! Angry Sad

I did NOT like it ONE BIT :(

Some people think it's ok. Some don't. TBH the chances of anything happening to a strapped in 6MO are small, the thing I would worry about is being held up in the shop and the baby getting distressed. It's not an imagined risk of kidnap or explosion I'd focus on here.

Original poster
NotSoNervous · 17/04/2013 14:06

Hmm so a mixed vote.

To answer some Q it doesn't matter if she's awake screaming or asleep if he wants to go to the shop he'll go and leave her regardless.

We have a car seat that clips into a base and it can attach to the pram so it's not like he has to do belts all the time you literally drop it into te base and press one button to pull it out.

I never leave her in the car alone. I use pay at pump or ill go into the garage if someone else is in the car

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 17/04/2013 14:08

At six months old she isnt going to climb out of her seat, get out of the car, or take a handbrake off.. the chances of her being kidnapped are exceptionally miniscule..

The chances of the car bursting into flames, being abducted by aliens or any other incident again are extremely unlikely..

YABU in my opinion.

undercoverSAHM · 17/04/2013 14:09

You have to be sure he doesn't ever do this in the summer. A car can heat up dramatically in a very short period of time, and he might for some reason be longer than he anticipates in the shop. On a winter's day for 2 mins, fine(ish) but there are dreadful stories of parents leaving children in hot cars from the States....37 babies/toddlers a year die this way.

Birdsgottafly · 17/04/2013 14:10

What is his attitude going to be when the weather gets warmer? Cars heat up very fast and will he leave a window cracked open? Tbh, I think that it's laziness and I wouldn't put my child in a potentially dangerous situation, through laziness, but that depends on where you live and where he is parking. I live in a rough area, were car windows get smashed and there is shootings\car chasers etc.

Phineyj · 17/04/2013 14:10

I'd do this if I was in sight of the car and then going straight back to the car (e.g. going to get a parking ticket when the machine is a few cars down), before wrangling DD into sling or buggy, but I did it today and discovered that the car alarm goes off! I guess I can conclude the Germans would think YANBU (car is VW...)

YoniRaver · 17/04/2013 14:11

It is not something I would ever do, and would be furious if someone else did this with my DC.

However if people want to do this with their DC's then thats their choice personally think its lazy ass

I would point out to him that if he does leave a baby in the car he takes the risk of someone calling the police

Original poster
NotSoNervous · 17/04/2013 14:11

I know the risks of kidnapping and explosions are very low but I just don't see the point of taking a risk that something could happen, it would take an extra 30seconds to get her out and put her back in again

OP posts:
Alwayscheerful · 17/04/2013 14:11

what undercover said. better to tolerate it in the winter and insist never in the summer.

TigOldBitties · 17/04/2013 14:12

I think its fine, I've done this with all 5 of my DC and never had an issue.

If you said he was doing a big shop I would think that a bit mean, but popping in for a few bits is to me the equivalent of popping to the loo at home or popping into the garden to hang out the washing.

There has been thread after thread on this and you will get probably around a 50:50 split on those who think its ok and those who don't. Its a personal decision. I think if your DP is in charge of the baby at that time you need to let him make the decisions and trust that he can risk assess.

Jan49 · 17/04/2013 14:13

The biggest risk is probably that someone will steal the car without knowing there's a baby in it, which seems to happen several times a year in the UK. Also the risk of him being delayed and not getting back to her.

I would call the police if I saw a baby alone in a car with no adult around.

Phineyj · 17/04/2013 14:13

Hmm on reflection I think YANBU as it sounds like your DH doesn't take safety quite seriously enough so maybe it would be better for him to get in the habit now, no exception, before your DD does get to the age when she can wriggle out of the seat. Mind you, will he leave the seat in the corner of the shop and go wandering off round the supermarket?

McKayz · 17/04/2013 14:13

I'd never ever do this. Even if the chances of something happening are tiny, they do happen occasionally.

Not worth the risk.

squeakytoy · 17/04/2013 14:17

McKayz.. there is a risk the shop may get held up at gunpoint.. there is a risk the person carrying the baby may trip and drop the baby...

In other words there is a risk associated with every move you make, all the time.

If we all stopped doing anything because of a "risk no matter how tiny".. we wouldnt get very much done..