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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP leaving baby DD in car

122 replies

NotSoNervous · 17/04/2013 13:31

Me and DP don't agree at all on this and I don't think I'm over acting and I know you ladies will be brutally honest.

DP thinks its okay to leave 6mo DD in the car on her own while he goes in the shop and grabs a paper/drink ect he can't always get parked right outside which I don't think matters but sometimes he has to park 4 or 5 cars away but he doesn't think there's a problem if its locked and I think it's completely wrong and it pisses me of everytime

WIBU me or DP?

OP posts:

GrowSomeCress · 19/04/2013 08:03

I wouldn't be surprised if it was more likely that something bad would happen if a baby was in a shop with you than if simply locked in a car

SpanishFly · 19/04/2013 08:12

But surely the point isnt really how likely it is that "something could happen" but more that if something happened she'd be all alone.
If something happened to my child and I'd left him/her completely on their own and out of my sight, I wouldn't feel great about that.

SpanishFly · 19/04/2013 08:15

PS yanbu. He should respect your wishes regarding this, as he's got no good argument as to why it's fine (except sheer laziness).
If he's only getting a couple of items, why can't he take her in? Or go to the shop when he doesn't have her with him?

CheeseToasty · 19/04/2013 08:22

I did this once when my children were 4 and 6. It was the only time I had done it as we were really late. The car was right outside and I was probably only away from them for 30 seconds. Anyway a teacher from their school saw and said she should report it to ss and that if she saw it again she would.

AmberLeaf · 19/04/2013 08:29

YANBU

Anyone that does this is fucking stupid IMO.

Remember Ames Glover?

AmberLeaf · 19/04/2013 08:30

Regardless of potential [rare] kidnap, it is still a stupid thing to do.

I know of two cases local to me where cars were stolen with babies in them.

GirlOutNumbered · 19/04/2013 08:33

My baby has chickenpox. I have no choice!

wiltingfast · 19/04/2013 08:42

Yawn, of course this is not an unreasonable thing to do in the circs described by the op. Not sure what people think the risk is exactly. Surely no more than what could happen when you take baby with you. You can't live a life without risk. Who knows what you are exposing you baby too in a shop full of strangers?

DeepRedBetty · 19/04/2013 08:45

When dtds were little I'd leave them if I was going in to pay for petrol etc. I'm in the 'balancing of risks' camp.

Of all the little trips to Minor Injuries, and bigger trips to A+E, the causes were never anything to do with being in the car or out and about, they all took place in our home or garden.

EasilyBored · 19/04/2013 09:04

People have very odd perceptions of risk. We put our children in plenty of avoidable risky situations every day. While I wouldn't leave a crying baby in a car, I just don't understand the hysteria. I wonder what the statistics say about the number of children left in cars v's those who come to harm, and the numbers injured in car accidents where walking was a completely acceptable option.

It just seems like a totally over the top response to me.

SpanishFly · 19/04/2013 09:17

Have you read my post? I think it's more a maternal/paternal instinct issue - leaving a baby unattended and out of sight doesn't make us comfortable

SpanishFly · 19/04/2013 09:18

And I still think the dh is being an arse. Regardless of whether it's ok or not, sheer laziness isn't a good argument against doing what the baby's mum wants him to do.

PassTheCremeEggs · 19/04/2013 09:20

The thing that stops me doing this is the thought of something happening to me, and no one knowing my baby is locked in the car alone, particularly if it is down the street. (we have tinted back windows so she wouldn't be visible) Might be a big hypothetical but it's enough to stop me at the moment.

DontmindifIdo · 19/04/2013 09:29

I tend to think "would this sound bad when explaining to social services/police?" and as others have said, you might plan for it to be 2 minutes, but what if something happens to you?

sashh · 19/04/2013 09:35

Annoyed101

I know, but I don't have the finance to build one.

Annoyed101 · 19/04/2013 09:46

Shame sash but you have my vote

LimitedEditionLady · 19/04/2013 09:46

No i would never leave mine in the car anywhere.he gets out to just walk into the shop to pay for petrol even though hes going right back in again.no imagine the guilt and pain if something happened like a car hit the parked or baby got distressed.no,i actually woule be mad too.

Startail · 19/04/2013 09:55

I've left DD2 asleep in a quiet residential dead end and grabed her sister from nursery or school and I never in strapped them at petrol stations. They knew to stay put.

They were in far more danger of being run over wandering across the forecourt. (Pay at pump is a new fangled idea and even now is rare here).

livinginwonderland · 19/04/2013 10:03

And I still think the dh is being an arse. Regardless of whether it's ok or not, sheer laziness isn't a good argument against doing what the baby's mum wants him to do.

question - why does mums preference trump dads?

MooMooSkit · 19/04/2013 10:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

SarahBumBarer · 19/04/2013 10:42

why is it a "bottle of bloody pop"? It's a drink. He was thirsty - it's a basic human need. Now if he had popped into the betting shop I could perhaps understand the venom but for pop to result in such anger is petty.

YABU by the way. When he is in charge it is pretty much his decision how to parent. If he was doing a big shop or popping into a large store then it might be worth the argument but this is just diff'rent folks/strokes and all and he can chose as much as you can.

SpanishFly · 19/04/2013 10:44

living I didn't say that it does.
But I explained clearly why it does in this instance (you even quoted me, so I'm unsure what you're confused about) -
sheer laziness isn't a good argument against doing what the baby's mum wants him to do. Cos that's the only justification he has against carrying out her wishes, regardless of whether he thinks she being unreasonable or not.

Angelico · 19/04/2013 10:51

Amber the only times babies have been stolen in cars here are if a) the car was hijacked when parent was in the car or b) the parent left the car open and keys in the car - highly unlikely at a shop unless the parent is indeed fucking stupid.

I do get the impression when I see these hysterical threads on MN that it depends a lot on where you live. E.g. Cheesetoasty if a teacher had said that around here they would be laughed at or told to go and fuck themselves (and I'm a teacher). But then I live in a small town with exceptionally low crime and a very strong community feeling. So I feel quite happy leaving DD in car at local petrol station for a minute if I can see car, whereas if it was a big city I probably wouldn't.

Angelico · 19/04/2013 10:52

But for the record Sash awesome idea :o

EasilyBored · 19/04/2013 10:55

No, the justification is that he doesn't view the risk in the same way as her.

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