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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP leaving baby DD in car

122 replies

NotSoNervous · 17/04/2013 13:31

Me and DP don't agree at all on this and I don't think I'm over acting and I know you ladies will be brutally honest.

DP thinks its okay to leave 6mo DD in the car on her own while he goes in the shop and grabs a paper/drink ect he can't always get parked right outside which I don't think matters but sometimes he has to park 4 or 5 cars away but he doesn't think there's a problem if its locked and I think it's completely wrong and it pisses me of everytime

WIBU me or DP?

OP posts:
Original poster
NotSoNervous · 17/04/2013 18:45

Okay so each to there own but to me it's wrong. It wasn't a shop in a quite little village either it was a main busy road and you can't see the car on the shop

OP posts:
Original poster
NotSoNervous · 17/04/2013 18:47

That's my point Vivienne.

OP posts:
Tailtwister · 17/04/2013 18:48

No, I wouldn't leave a child in the car to go into a shop. I always try to pay at the pump in petrol stations, but got caught out once. I figured it was more dangerous to get 2 kids out of the car and across the forecourt than it was to leave them in the car. If I'd had one small baby in a car seat I would have taken them in with me though.

ChippingInLovesSpring · 17/04/2013 18:48

YABU

It's something I happily do - I can't see the problem. It's not lazy it's sensible.

As others have pointed out - there are risks in everything we do, there is as much risk taking her into the shop with you as there is leaving her in the car. It's a couple of minutes, not a Friday night while he's at the pub with his mates or at tesco while he does a full shop.

ChippingInLovesSpring · 17/04/2013 18:51

I honestly don't see why people get so het up by it, realistically what is going to happen?

BallerinaZeena · 17/04/2013 18:53

Like I said, more chance of the kids dying in a car crash than being in the back when it gets stolen etc

However OP is clearly not going to change her mind, so... Whatever.

PlasticLentilWeaver · 17/04/2013 18:58

Assuming the OP is in the UK, exactly how many days have we had in the last couple of years when it has got anywhere close to 35C? This is a complete red herring here.

I think fairylights is spot on here. Why does OP's opinion trump her DH's?

The risk of being involved in a crash while moving is far greater than that of the car being stolen or exploding in those couple of minutes. So if that risk is too great for you, then you shouldn't even have the child in the car. And that would be unreasonable for most rational peopke.

Original poster
NotSoNervous · 17/04/2013 19:07

Plastic I've never said that my opinion trumps DPs just that we disagree and I wanted to know what is normal for other people. It's something I don't agree with and he does so I don't do it and he does, nothing I can say to him will stop him from doing it but today it pissed me off that he left her screaming in the car to go and get a bottle of bloody pop

OP posts:
fudgeit · 17/04/2013 19:15

a few years back i noticed two toddlers waiting in a car at supermarket car park for their mum to return, their car was a people carrier and so their seats were elevated and they were clearly visible. i decided i had to wait until their mum returned not to tell her off but for my own peace of mind. now that i have kids of my own, i don't leave them in the car unless i can see the car at all times, eg returning a trolley. it's almost like you need to assess each situation as it happens, and when my gut tells me it's not safe they're coming with me!

eccentrica · 17/04/2013 19:28

ChippingInLovesSpring I think people get worked up because it just feels very wrong to leave a young baby on its own, out of sight, in public. I absolutely couldn't do it and if someone did it to my child I would never ask them to babysit again.

EasilyBored · 17/04/2013 20:03

Do people really take their children out of the car the pay for petrol? That seems far more dangerous to me, what if they run off across the petrol station etc? I leave DS in the car to pay for petrol and if I'm within sight of the car, getting cash out for example.

SilverSky · 17/04/2013 21:17

sparechange - if I came back to the car and found it empty or came back to find the car missing then what? That is my biggest fear. If I take them into the shop they are in the buggy strapped in. I know where they are and what they are up to. Out of sight out of mind.

I'm the same with the dog.

If an accident happened whilst I was in the car, of course, I'd feel guilty, regardless of who is at fault but it is not the same as leaving children/babies in the car unattended.

It's all entirely personal. The OP is asking for opinions therefore I am giving mine and mine is I choose not to. I am not slagging of those that do. I am giving the OP the justification for my decision.

MajaBiene · 17/04/2013 22:41

People who say "you must never take the risk", have you considered the risk of taking them in to the shop?

You could trip over and fall on the baby
You could get mugged
The shop could get held up at knife/gunpoint
A car might mount the pavement and run you over

I know, all unlikely - but is it worth taking the risk?

SilverSky · 18/04/2013 20:39

But it's all personal choice isn't it? There is risk everywhere. Everyone has different levels of risk that they are prepared to expose themselves to. For me leaving children/babies unaccompanied in cars is a no go for me.

farewellfarewell · 18/04/2013 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SilverSky · 18/04/2013 22:35

If I can see the car whilst I pay for petrol, use the cashpoint then I'm fine with that as they are not out of my sight.

I agree having to unload several kids to run a short errand is a PITA so for me, and I can only speak for me, I'd run that errand when they are not with me.

LemonPeculiarJones · 18/04/2013 22:42

YANBU.

You don't leave a tiny baby alone in a car. FFS.

Angelico · 18/04/2013 23:09

I have left DD in car (baby) to run into the petrol station to pay for petrol or grab a loaf of bread. I can park at door and see car. For any other shop I lift her out and either carry her in arms or sling - or put in buggy if I'll be a while.

I think it's whatever you feel comfortable with. I wouldn't feel comfortable for 5 mins but am okay with up to a minute if I can see the car.

So I guess neither you nor DP are being totally unreasonable - unless he is in shop for ages.

FattyMcChubster · 18/04/2013 23:11

Vivienne- 'nothing is worth the risk' that's ridiculous. That would mean never leaving the house, never cooking, making a cup of tea, getting out of bed etc. life is full of risks, we just need to be sensible about how much we're willing to accept.

sashh · 19/04/2013 04:01

This is one of the many reasons that when I rule the world there will be drive through small shops.

Just like you get at macdonalds with the exception of an automated ordering system so you can send an SMS (obviously not if driving) with your registration number and what you want. The automatic registration device will recognise your car when you arrive and a bag containing your goods will be handed to you.

You will just have to pay, unless you have pre registered and your account will be paid automatically.

These shops will also offer pre ordered nutritionally balanced meals so you can pick up your children's lunch during the school run.

Springforward · 19/04/2013 04:09

I don't personally. Apart from safety/ security type concerns, DS might be really upset to wake up alone in the car. I remember being left in the car while my DF went into shops as a young kid, just school age I guess, and it being really quite scary if he took a while.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 19/04/2013 04:17

Whether we or you or he think it is reasonable or not, I can say from experience that the police might take a dim view of this.

378 · 19/04/2013 04:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Annoyed101 · 19/04/2013 07:30

Sash you could rule with that idea! Brilliant

CreatureRetorts · 19/04/2013 07:34

YANBU

he leaves her even if screaming? What a horrid thing. (I have 2, yes I can't comfort them all the time but I take them with me)

I've never done this. I don't just pop anywhere in the car though - I walk for short trips to the shop. Appreciate not everyone can though.

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