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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect ex to take dd swimming

71 replies

Moog72 · 16/04/2013 23:28

My ex has dd (aged 8) every other weekend. I pay for the lessons. He pays no maintenance even tho he can more than afford to. For the last 4 times he has had her he has been 'running late' and not taken her to her lesson - I want to say that during term times,when swimming lessons are, she stays with me till 1.30 on a Saturday? I have repeatedly reminded him about the lessons, It would mean he only has her for 1 night not 2. I think maybe this is UR... Opinions?

OP posts:

SquinkiesRule · 16/04/2013 23:31

He's being a lazy selfish git, he should take her to her swim lessons, it's not like they ask for money each time is it. It's already paid for.

joanofarchitrave · 16/04/2013 23:31

Really annoying - but to me her time with her father trumps swimming, especially since she is still getting a lesson every other weekend.

Move swimming to a weekday? Or look for a holiday intensive course?

Sirzy · 16/04/2013 23:32

If he only has her every other weekend I can understand his annoyance at one of those days being taken up by swimming lessons especially as its in the middle of the day.

What's your daughters view? Does she want to do the swimming lessons because if she did I would have thought she would be reminding him at 8!

Original poster

Moog72 · 16/04/2013 23:33

Yes I agree extra swimming lessons would work but I work full time and weekend is only time I can do...

OP posts:

Original poster

Moog72 · 16/04/2013 23:34

He has her in the week one day also.., not just weekend... I am fair...

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2rebecca · 16/04/2013 23:36

My ex and I have never arranged things for the kids on weekends, I would find the weekend swimming restricting and controlling if i was your ex. His weekend with his daughter, up to him what they do, there's time for swimming etc during the week.
Different when they become teenagers and have more say in what they do and if they get really into an activity, but even then I think the teenager should discuss with both parents whether or not they are happy to have x event dominating their weekends all year before signing up to things, the resident parent definitely shouldn't be booking stuff and expecting the other parent to go along with it. Adults should have time to enjoy their weekends too and not be ferrying kids around. If you're a nonresident parent time with your kids is precious and more important than a swimming lesson.

andubelievedthat · 16/04/2013 23:36

tell your x ALL kids must be taught to swim ! reason? most kids have a facination to/for water,any water, and you /him cannot be with your child all day every day, my own father ensured myself and sibliongs could swim from nappy age , and i am so grateful for that ,i am genuinely shocked parents think to omit swimming re them bringing up their children,its very important.

seriouscakeeater · 16/04/2013 23:38

He is being an arse! he should make sure he takes her so her can watch his daughter learning how to swim and her progress. And to keep her routine going with both responsible adults.

Original poster

Moog72 · 16/04/2013 23:41

The swimming lesson was arranged with ex's agreement. Not that he agrees with much! So my frustration is that yet again he fails to take dd somewhere he has previously agreed to to take her.... And I have paid for. And I find swimming important.

OP posts:

TigerSwallowtail · 16/04/2013 23:41

Yanbu, he should be taking her to her lessons. Have you contacted the CSA about his refusal to pay maintenance?

Original poster

Moog72 · 16/04/2013 23:42

And it is annoying that he apparently wants to be involved in normal life but not if it involves any effort.

OP posts:

2rebecca · 16/04/2013 23:42

As half her weekends are with her father then surely he should have had an equal say in whether or not she goes to a swimming lesson on a Saturday? Having a swimming lesson doesn't necessarily mean she can't swim at all.
Would the OP be happy if her ex booked an activity on a Sunday morning and insisted she take her daughter there on the Sundays when she has her? It sounds very high handed and unreasonable to me.

2rebecca · 16/04/2013 23:43

I see he agreed to it, in that case he is being unreasonable not to take her.

Original poster

Moog72 · 16/04/2013 23:43

Tiger ... He has a limited company and pays himself dividends which the CSS don't recognise as income...

OP posts:

seriouscakeeater · 16/04/2013 23:46

Actually 2rebecca I totally disagree. Learning to swim is an extremely important life skill. If mum cant get her there through work during week then dad should make a concerted effort to make sure his daughter is following up on an important like skill that has all ready been paid for on the weekend, when they both share her time.

Most lessons last 30 mins, DF can watch his daughter and be involved in her progress and watch his dd do well. When Df has daughter YES he SHOULD be ferrying her around as its job to do that when he has her. Its every other weekend, the weekend should be built around DD, not if he want to relax..he can do that when she is not with him the other weekend! It wouldn't be ALL day so there are plenty of things he could do after.

grograg · 16/04/2013 23:47

Yanbu what a git!

Original poster

Moog72 · 16/04/2013 23:47

CSA not CSS

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seriouscakeeater · 16/04/2013 23:50

at what point is the poor child allowed to learn how to swim??? Swimming is important op, well done for recognising that!

OkayHazel · 16/04/2013 23:50

Why are you even letting him see her if he's not paying?

OkayHazel · 16/04/2013 23:51

paying his maintenance?

Original poster

Moog72 · 16/04/2013 23:51

Yeah he is a git in many ways. Been dragged through the courts Andalusia sorts and I have tried to remain civil ( I didn't want to go to court) but my patience is wearing thin. And to set some context to this man, his other 3 children refuse contact with him.

OP posts:

IneedAsockamnesty · 16/04/2013 23:51

children are not pay per view.

IneedAsockamnesty · 16/04/2013 23:53

Sorry forgot to say yanbu.

He agreed in advance to the swimming so he should make sure she attends sessions when he has her.

Oh and he sounds like a knob.

Original poster

Moog72 · 16/04/2013 23:54

Serious. Thank you. That is how I feel. My weekends are spent doing things with my kids, taking them to lessons. Why should it be that he does not have to - surely that is normal life with children. I enjoy it!

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Original poster

Moog72 · 16/04/2013 23:55

Okay... I know what u mean,but my dd wants to see her dad and maintenance is not relevant for that....

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