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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect ex to take dd swimming

71 replies

Moog72 · 16/04/2013 23:28

My ex has dd (aged 8) every other weekend. I pay for the lessons. He pays no maintenance even tho he can more than afford to. For the last 4 times he has had her he has been 'running late' and not taken her to her lesson - I want to say that during term times,when swimming lessons are, she stays with me till 1.30 on a Saturday? I have repeatedly reminded him about the lessons, It would mean he only has her for 1 night not 2. I think maybe this is UR... Opinions?

OP posts:
dadofnone · 16/04/2013 23:56

Sitting on the fence with this one tbh.
He is out of order about not paying the main thence but the thread isn't about that.

I would hate to be tied into an activity every Saturday. It is very restricting. I worked full time so my kids went to the 6.30 swimming lessons in the week.

Original poster
Moog72 · 17/04/2013 00:00

Dad the reason for 12.30 swimming lessons was because he refused early lessons... when else can I arrange this stuff??

OP posts:
Original poster
Moog72 · 17/04/2013 00:04

And I agree it's restricting. It is for me too. But when u work full time this is the situation. And given his weekends involve tv, tv and more tv, it's not much of an imposition!

OP posts:
seriouscakeeater · 17/04/2013 00:15

Moog your doin the right thing. How does dd feel?

Original poster
Moog72 · 17/04/2013 00:18

Dd is not mad about swimming but she knows she needs to learn as she still can't swim very well. So if ex says don't go she is prob ok with that but until she can swim its not really the point. She doesn't like doing doing her homework either but unfortunately it needs to be done!

OP posts:
Original poster
Moog72 · 17/04/2013 00:22

Tbh this is just one minor thing in what is just a very difficult situation and too long and boring to share on here... but this is an added irritation on 4 years of difficulties. What I can and I am proud of this, all that ex has done and said to me has never affected contact arrangements.. and prob I won't change them now. Was just wondering whether it was a considerations a am just frustrated again. And dd is also when he forgets to take her to parties etc.... Sorry just having a day of being fed up with it all.

OP posts:
seriouscakeeater · 17/04/2013 00:28

[Flowers] chin up op, he is being out of order. Why don't you talk to him on this one and say when she reaches...25m or 50m she can have a break for a while. Maybe asking him for half the fee might make him inclined to get het there.

He sounds like a knob x

Original poster
Moog72 · 17/04/2013 00:33

Oh serious, would love to be able to do that but this is not a man you can talk to. He is obstructive about everything! Good advice but he won't listen:( every suggestion is met with court proceedings which I can't afford unfortunately! I still have £8k debt from last year.....

OP posts:
dadofnone · 17/04/2013 08:01

After thinking about it more he should take her. It's only for a year at most I'm guessing before she should be able to swim a length.

However at the moment he's not so the way I'm seeing it is that you are paying twice as much for your lesson than everyone else if you are only going once every other week. I don't think you are going to win this battle so I would be looking at doing an week evening session if the lessons are that important to you.

BenjaminButton172 · 17/04/2013 09:12

If ur dd doesnt like it then why are u dragging her there.

I am in my 20s and cant swim and i have never needed to. My dd can swim because she asked to go to lessons & loved them. Learning to swim is not an necessity.

Belugagrad · 17/04/2013 10:56

Disagree Benjamin, I learned to swim at 21! Was a pain and took dedication from me and friends. Best to learn as a child, wish I had! . Yanbu op.

IneedAsockamnesty · 17/04/2013 11:16

Does he pay his own legal fee's?

Original poster
Moog72 · 17/04/2013 14:25

He pays his own legal fees and I pay mine...

OP posts:
Original poster
Moog72 · 17/04/2013 14:27

Seems opinions very split on this one. Not sure what I will do... prob see how it goes for a bit longer before changing lessons or anything else...

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 17/04/2013 15:06

Damn shame that I had hoped he would have issues with the new legal aid rules.

seriouscakeeater · 17/04/2013 15:37

[shocked] Benjamin what a silly thing to say?! lets just hope you never fall in water and get in trouble..or would you be expecting your dc to rescue you? Hmm

Learning swimming is a necessity, I live in a area surrounded by water and there has been many deaths related to drowning. How very lucky your DD had more brains than you and wanted to safe guard herself! By the way OP has never said her dd hates swimming, she said she wasn't mad about but knows she has to learn. I feel sad you have never been able to swim in the sea or pool and enjoy holidays out of pure choice.

op is there any chance you can get her there through the week, and just cut the bull shit out with him?

I'm a swimming teacher on maternity and get very cross when adults claim there children don't need to learn how to swim, its just as important as learning how to cross a road safely.

Original poster
Moog72 · 17/04/2013 16:17

Serious, perhaps I will do some further investigations into weekday lessons as you say.. Prob something like this just isn't worth causing a big fight about with him. Bigger issues to worry about I guess! But I still fell grrr about it!
Re the comment about court costs, the judge gave a strong indication that if we end up on court again he will end up paying my costs as it appears to be vexatious. Can't be guaranteed tho!

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 17/04/2013 16:20

You can get your representative to bring up it being vexatious

BenjaminButton172 · 17/04/2013 16:20

My child doesnt NEED to learn to swim she learnt to swim because she loves swimming.

I grew up on the beach and so did my mum & my brothers & sisters & none of us can swim & not once have we ever been in danger.

IneedAsockamnesty · 17/04/2013 16:21

Oh come on just admit its a really stupid stance to take on something that's life saving.

CheeseandPickledOnion · 17/04/2013 17:19

What a ridiculous comment Ben.

digerd · 17/04/2013 18:26

I hated swimming. The cold water always took my breath away, I nearly choked to death, or so it seemed to me.

When dad was teaching us to dive in from the side, I did a belly flop and it felt as if I had split my belly open, it was agony.

Dad give up on me as helpless and hopeless - which I was, and relieved I wasn't forced to do it anymore.

I have remained terrified of deep water and the sea, and were always the theme of my nightmares.

formicaqueen · 17/04/2013 18:57

We used to do midweek swims but then discovered weekend swims! So much better.

I would suggest he have her two days mid week and only one at the weekend if he doesn't want to taker her to her swimming lesson.

formicaqueen · 17/04/2013 18:59

change the lesson for an earlier one and take her to him after.

seriouscakeeater · 17/04/2013 19:42

digard OUCH!! belly flops hurt like hell! Choking on water is the pitts!

Some dads defiantly have the 'chuck em in the deep and they will get goin!' theory. Sadly, that theory put of a lot of children, turning them in to frightened adults. Have you ever thought of trying adult beginner classes as its wonderfully relaxing and fantastic exercise!

moog I would be annoyed too, courts and kids =one big financial head ache Flowers