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AIBU?

To expect ex to take dd swimming

71 replies

Moog72 · 16/04/2013 23:28

My ex has dd (aged 8) every other weekend. I pay for the lessons. He pays no maintenance even tho he can more than afford to. For the last 4 times he has had her he has been 'running late' and not taken her to her lesson - I want to say that during term times,when swimming lessons are, she stays with me till 1.30 on a Saturday? I have repeatedly reminded him about the lessons, It would mean he only has her for 1 night not 2. I think maybe this is UR... Opinions?

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IneedAsockamnesty · 17/04/2013 23:49

Wee rabid most days,,!!!! Shocking you should go to jail and not pass go

Some of the crap they come out with is strange but if you keep detailed records of your communications make it clear when he agrees any type of activity during his time and don't book her for anything without his agreement. You should find he will just carry on looking like a total knob in court.

My ex still blames everybody else for his children having little to do with him,last time he saw our dc his gf and him assaulted him I was not there the police were involved he admitted it but protected her saying she did nothing, now dc refuses to even talk to him yet dad thinks its everybody else's fault he feels the same way about all his other ex's as well apparently he's the only decent one and everybody else is a nasty wanker.

SquinkiesRule · 17/04/2013 23:24

That would be the Pool not the Poll.

SquinkiesRule · 17/04/2013 23:23

If he is going to play silly beggars over the swim and other stuff, make sure you keep detailed records of all contact. Of when he missed her lessons, or didn't take her to parties or anything else bizarre. Do all communication in email or text and keep the records.
I don't see any judges taking a child from a good parent who actually gets her child to all appointments and arrange activities and invitations to let them spend more time in front of the TV doing nothing.
Maybe the Poll keeps a record of no shows and this will bite him in the butt seeing he wanted the 12.30 swim as it was more convenient.
Seems to me the swim thing is the tip of the iceberg. Chances are he's going to go and cry in court, get your bulldog solicitor to make sure this is noted as veracious in the court records and that chances are he's doing it to cause you more stress and put you further into debt for no apparent reason and he should cover the costs.

maddening · 17/04/2013 22:55

ooo I would be bringing up his lack of commitment with the swimming lessons - especially as he initially agreed but then can't be arsed.

Moog72 · 17/04/2013 22:06

Weetabix not wee rabid! Autocorrect!

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Moog72 · 17/04/2013 21:52

That is so interesting Sock. The judge did a similar thing to my ex and actually backed him into a corner to make him back down because it was so unreasonable. But he doesn't learn. Nothing is his fault, ever, apparently. I have been walking on eggshells for the last 2 years trying not to upset him for fear of a court case but I am actually now thinking I have got to put an end to this and fight back a bit more. The wee rabid thing is RIDICULOUS btw!! Am I a bad mum giving both my dc's wee rabid most days??

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IneedAsockamnesty · 17/04/2013 21:46

I've got an ex like that used to run to court for the slightest little thing, we would agree something usually in writing like activities or what dr's dentist school ( even the medication our dc was prescribed for a disability on the basis that his gf who was not a dr preferred homeopathy) then he would run to court.

I recall he once tried to get a PS order to prevent me giving dc cereal for breakfast as apparently weetabix feeding is child abuse and I should give toast instead.

Once tried for full residency despite in the same hearing telling the judge he couldn't commit to a contact order any more frequent than once a month nor could he give any notice of collection times or stick to any actual arranged time due to his very busy work. ( the same work that the csa believed only paid £55 a week. The judge actually raised his eyebrows and asked him to think very carefully as to if he really wanted him to proceed with the application.

All this funded by the tax payer well his fees not mine I paid for all my legal stuff.

For some reason as soon as dc hit 12 he just randomly stopped and I never found out why. He also has 3 other kids all adults who have nothing to do with him at all. And now our dc won't even talk to him.

ivykaty44 · 17/04/2013 21:34

I think now that all this other stuff is kicking off I have no choice but to leave things as they are

i think this is the ploy - make a big fuss over something else and it will act as a decoy so other smaller things will be ignored.

Sometimes you need to just forge ahead and see what happens, it maybe that he ends up dropping some balls if you give him to many to juggle

Lastly 0 -yes courts don't like a parent who keeps popping up in court - they want parents to parent together and get on with it and they are not keen on 50/50 res either for some reason?

Moog72 · 17/04/2013 21:29

Re paying for schooling, he said he would pay, and to be fair did pay eventually, but several months late and I was liable and being threatened with legal proceedings from the school. Couldn't continue like that.

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Moog72 · 17/04/2013 21:28

I think it's not another prohibitive steps order but he prob wants to try for 50:50 contact. I am guessing tho. Have to wait for the letter. I believe the courts take a dim view of someone reapplying in court for the same thing again tho. He may want to resolve via mediation... Don't know. I think I will get the letter on Sunday..

He is a difficult man and has already alienated his other 3 children due to dragging their mum thought court for several years.

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IneedAsockamnesty · 17/04/2013 21:24

What a very strange man. So he wanted her to stay private but didn't want to pay for it?

Is he really silly enough to go back to court for the same thing or is he likely to be trying to get another prohibitive steps over a different thing.

Moog72 · 17/04/2013 21:20

Sock, he already has PR. I don't know what this is related to. I was in court a couple of years ago re schooling as he raised a prohibitive steps order. He objected to the school dd is now on. I moved her from private to state because he was repeatedly very late paying the school fees. I cannot afford private schooling. I discussed it with him numerous times but ultimately moved her to state school against his wishes. Judge ruled very clearly in my favour as he had no case. Think it relates back to that. Can't think of anything else...

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Moog72 · 17/04/2013 21:15

Thanks for your replies. I think now that all this other stuff is kicking off I have no choice but to leave things as they are - no change to the status quo re contact. I will just have to consider other swimming lesson options... he is a selfish git tho.

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IneedAsockamnesty · 17/04/2013 21:13

The difference is chit,that this nrp agreed to to the dc having the lessons before the mum booked.

Op it there anything you can think of that you haven't consulted him over or is he just asking for PR

chitofftheshovel · 17/04/2013 21:08

I have a similar(ish) thread on lone parents - with a lot of replies saying 'drop the club time with NRP is more important'!!

Could you change access times so that he has her from Sat afternoon until school drop off on Monday morning? Not always practical but just a thought. And lessons/clubs/routine are very important, NRP needs to accomodate them just as much as you do

ivykaty44 · 17/04/2013 21:06

Op

I do feel your frustration, family life is something that is just not on their radar - they are selfish

ivykaty44 · 17/04/2013 20:55

Can you get your ex to pick up dc from the swimming lessons -that way you make sure she gets the the lesson on time and he doesn't even need to come to your house - up to him whether he gets himeself to the swimming pool to watch

Moog72 · 17/04/2013 20:51

Is not swimming related. He wants a contact order and an agreement in place regarding him being consulted regarding decisions about her welfare. I don't have details yet tho regarding specifically what he wants... Last time he wanted a 50:50 shared residency order but at that time he was living in a van with no toilet facilities so judge said no.... is a very long complicated story! This has been sparked off because of Christmas date disagreements for this year...

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IneedAsockamnesty · 17/04/2013 20:44

Any particular issue highlighted in the text or is it just about not wanting to take her swimming

Moog72 · 17/04/2013 20:41

Fill her with delight I meant

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Moog72 · 17/04/2013 20:37

I just want to add that my dd does not hate swimming! She loves swimming but lessons don't always fill her with When she might rather be at the park for a bit longer for example. It's not that I drag her there kicking and screaming...

Yes I can say without a doubt that courts re kids is absolutely horrendous... and based on a text I have just had today which he has said will be followed up by a letter sent registered post, I suspect I will be on the phone to my solicitor very soon. Anyone got a box of tissues?

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seriouscakeeater · 17/04/2013 19:42

digard OUCH!! belly flops hurt like hell! Choking on water is the pitts!

Some dads defiantly have the 'chuck em in the deep and they will get goin!' theory. Sadly, that theory put of a lot of children, turning them in to frightened adults. Have you ever thought of trying adult beginner classes as its wonderfully relaxing and fantastic exercise!

moog I would be annoyed too, courts and kids =one big financial head ache

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formicaqueen · 17/04/2013 18:59

change the lesson for an earlier one and take her to him after.

formicaqueen · 17/04/2013 18:57

We used to do midweek swims but then discovered weekend swims! So much better.

I would suggest he have her two days mid week and only one at the weekend if he doesn't want to taker her to her swimming lesson.

digerd · 17/04/2013 18:26

I hated swimming. The cold water always took my breath away, I nearly choked to death, or so it seemed to me.
When dad was teaching us to dive in from the side, I did a belly flop and it felt as if I had split my belly open, it was agony.

Dad give up on me as helpless and hopeless - which I was, and relieved I wasn't forced to do it anymore.

I have remained terrified of deep water and the sea, and were always the theme of my nightmares.

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