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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use the disabled toilet

72 replies

99problems · 13/04/2013 17:07

I have recently developed IBS, and whilst I am working on figuring out what 'sets me off', I have recently been in a couple of situations when out and about and needed 'to go' Blush.

So WIBU to use a disabled toilet when available? Does it depend on the circumstance, for eg today, there was a large queue for the ladies, so I did use the disabled toilet. I felt like a fraud and like people were probably watching thinking I was just trying to jump the queue. Have also been tempted to use one to avoid the sheer humiliation of 'going' and being heard.

Most of the time, the disabled toilet is locked anyway. I'm terrified about being in a situation where the disabled is locked/there's a massive queue. Arrrg I'm sure other IBS sufferers will feel my pain, this is all new to me.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 13/04/2013 17:09

I'm not putting my head over the parapet for disabled toilet use. However, I did get horrible IBS. Things that helped me were; avoiding red meat, stress and, instead, eating lots of fresh veg. Peppermint tea is a miracle. Sorted me right out.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 13/04/2013 17:11

I have a disabled loo key.

Where the toilets are open for other people, I don't mind people using them as long as they don't push in front of me. I've opened the door for a few IBS sufferers in the few years I've had a key, and gone after, but people who dart in front of you do drive me a bit potty.

There is very unlikely to be an issue as long as you are courteous to other people who need the disabled loo, and I wouldn't worry about people judging.

I hope you get your triggers figured out soon too, IBS attacks are horrid.

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 13/04/2013 17:11

No, YANBU to use it. Disabled toilet facilities are equipped to accommodate wheelchairs and other equipment for ease of use, that is all. they are not just for sole use of registered disabled badge holders unlike parking spaces! They are often combined with baby changing facilities.

mybelovedmonster · 13/04/2013 17:15

YANBU.

LondonLancashireRose · 13/04/2013 17:18

I think an IBS charity provides radar keys for the disabled toilets for IBS sufferers ... will do a bit of googling

LondonLancashireRose · 13/04/2013 17:20

www.theibsnetwork.org/helpline.asp

Original poster
99problems · 13/04/2013 17:23

Brilliant London thank you so much!! That has made my day, the panic about not being able to get to a loo seems to set off my IBS and I was starting to think I would just have to avoid going out. That is absolutely fantastic, although I still feel embarrassed using it Blush

OP posts:
Branleuse · 13/04/2013 17:26

yanbu.

frogspoon · 13/04/2013 17:26

I assume you have a diagnosis of IBS from a doctor. If not it is important you get this as they need to run tests to rule out anything more sinister.

If you join the IBS Network you can get a Can't Wait card which will allow you to access toilets in offices, shops etc, when you are desperate.

You are also eligible for a radar NKS key, which allows you to unlock thousands of disabled toilets around the country.

To those of you who have said that OP is BU to use them, you obviously do not realise how urgent the need is when you have IBS. Being told you cannot access a toilet when you have an IBS attack is like being told you are not allowed to sneeze or hiccup. It is urgent and involuntary, and it cannot wait.

I used to had very bad IBS, but I have managed to eliminate most of the triggers (the main one being stress) and am now feeling much better. OP I hope you feel better soon.

Branleuse · 13/04/2013 17:27

i dont know if its the saame for IBS but my dads partner has crohns and she has a card which means that any shop or office has to let her use their toilets if she needs to go

ElliesWellies · 13/04/2013 17:30

YANBU. I don't know much about IBS, but other posters are saying you really can't wait. If you can't wait, and the alternative is soiling yourself, then I can't see how anyone could have a problem with you using a disabled toilet.

Pixel · 13/04/2013 17:31

I certainly wouldn't object to an IBS sufferer using disabled toilets, just wish I'd thought of it when mine was at its worst!

Agree with MrsTerryPratchett about peppermint, marvellous stuff although I had some capsules as I didn't fancy the tea. Even scoffing some extra strong mints can help a lot.

Flojobunny · 13/04/2013 17:33

Noone has said OP is BU, I think we all sympathise with her situation. I, for one, have been in that situation and can only imagine what it must be like to be in it often.
Get yourself a radar key OP. Don't shut yourself away at home.

TheCraicDealer · 13/04/2013 17:34

Glad PP's have pointed you in the direction in getting those keys and you're happier, OP. FWIW, to me having a desperate need to go to the toilet because your body can't process some foods properly is a disability, and so you should use the disabled loos if you need. Don't worry about people judging you!

Flojobunny · 13/04/2013 17:35

I thought mints had a laxative effect. Every day is a school day on MN.

TheHumancatapult · 13/04/2013 17:38

nope Op I use as wheelchair user but ds2 ha a key and has crohns and so i would not judge anyone as know how cruel and bad IBs can be and that when cant wait you really cant wait

Ds2 has learnt to deal with the looks now and points out not always visible the reasons why

TheHumancatapult · 13/04/2013 17:39

get yourself a key {smile}

frogspoon · 13/04/2013 17:42

Oh sorry, I misread- thought you said YABU, when you actually said YA N BU

Blush
ItsYonliMe · 13/04/2013 17:47

OP bit off subject but my DOH had IBS for many, many years. What cured him was actually hypnosis! (and we are not airy, fairy, dippy, doo people). It was actually a CD he bought and listened to on his headphones as he fell asleep at night

Please feel free to PM me for the name of the CD (he's not here just now, so can't ask)

Original poster
99problems · 13/04/2013 17:52

Ah I feel slightly better after reading these replies. I do have a diagnosis, and it's true if I couldn't get to a toilet I would literally have to just have an awful accident.

I absolutely blood hate IBS, recently I was in one of two toilets in a bar, had an awful time and once finished realised there was no toilet roll. Huge queue of girls waiting asking what was taking so long and getting angry. I sat there and cried.

I will definitely try peppermint, been prescribed something by the doc too. I'm pretty sure stress is my biggest trigger, which is slightly tougher to manage. I just feel so Blush using the disabled, ahh well looks like I need to just get over it and order a radar key!

OP posts:
Pixel · 13/04/2013 17:53

Flojo IBS is a funny thing. Sometimes you can't 'go' even though you are in a lot of pain, then all of a sudden you have to and there's nothing you can do about it all coming out in a rush (sorry if TMI). I found the mint soothed the cramps (not sure how, maybe something to do with trapped wind?).

Original poster
99problems · 13/04/2013 17:53

Oh ItsYonliMe I'd definitely be interested in trying that! I'm not sure how to PM? Not an airey fairy type either Grin but as I said this seems stress related so that could help!

OP posts:
Pixel · 13/04/2013 17:56

99 the posters who have said that stress makes it worse are absolutely right, it really is the key as the whole thing becomes a vicious circle. I would say that knowing you can use a toilet when you need to is the biggest stress-reliever so try and see it as part of your therapy Smile.

GoSuckEggs · 13/04/2013 18:08

how does the 'cant wait card' work? I work in a shop and you would not be allowed to use the toilets regardless of that card. We have not been gien any information regarding it.

Dominodonkey · 13/04/2013 18:13

gosuckeggs please tell us where you work so we can avoid it....

OP - I do think part of it is trying to be less embarrassed - I suffer from what I call a 'weak stomach' and the thought of going in public toilets really worries me. My DP just doesn't care though and consequently rarely has issues..