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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is being unfair?

123 replies

Lambzig · 10/04/2013 20:25

My close friend is having a significant birthday. She is having a night out to an event with friends, followed by a party the next day for adults and children in the afternoon.

DH and I are invited to both, but as we have 2DC, aged 5 months and 3, it's not easy for us both to go. A babysitter won't work as it is in another town.

Obvs we will go to the day party, but I asked DH if he would mind if I went to the night out. I very rarely go out in the evening, twice in the last year, whereas he goes out with mates at least once a fortnight. I don't mind as I see friends in daytime and weekends.

DH says that if we both cant go, then neither of us should go. I think this is unfair as he has lots of nights out compared to me. Also, he is not bothered about not going. I just think he doesn't want to deal with the DC by himself as I would stay in other town with friends, so he would have them on his own overnight. AIBU?

OP posts:
squoosh · 10/04/2013 20:27

YADNBU

You deserve a night out! Tell him it's tough titty and he will be looking after the kids for the night.

Seriously2712 · 10/04/2013 20:27

No- get yourself out!

Troubledjo · 10/04/2013 20:28

If it's your friend then of course you should go - he is definitely being unreasonable, not you...

Yama · 10/04/2013 20:28

What a selfish man.

squoosh · 10/04/2013 20:28

I would be crawling the walls if I'd only had two nights out in a 12 month period!

mermaid101 · 10/04/2013 20:28

No. I think he is being VERY U. I hope you get to go!

Geillis · 10/04/2013 20:29

YANBU. You should just go! It's very unfair for him to expect you to stay home if it's your close friend.

DiscoDonkey · 10/04/2013 20:29

He's being an arse

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 10/04/2013 20:29

So will you be saying that obviously he can't go out with his mates every fortnight, because "if you can't both go, then neither of us should go"

I know what he'd say to that.

It'll be "different"

I think you should tell him that you ARE going. That he goes out regularly and if he begrudges you a single night out, he's a giant arse.

intheshed · 10/04/2013 20:30

YANBU! You don't need to ask him, just tell him you are going and that's that!

Eebahgum · 10/04/2013 20:30

YANBU. He is. Not sure what you do about it though - I guess either put your foot down and say you're going whether he likes it or not, or have a chat with him and see if you can get him you be honest about why he doesn't want you to go.

OhLori · 10/04/2013 20:30

No, you are not being unreasonable. Its for your close friend too!

His attitude sounds very unfair, and rather ungenerous and churlish tbh.

Are you still going to go Hmm?

CSIJanner · 10/04/2013 20:30

YANBU - any chance of telling him to suck it up as he has so many nights out a year and its now your turn?

cjel · 10/04/2013 20:31

He is being unreasonable.

CloudsAndTrees · 10/04/2013 20:32

YANBU. I agree with Intheshed. You don't need his permission, just tell him you're going. If he objects, tell him that he's not allowed to go out with his friends either because you aren't going to be there and see how he likes it.

pictish · 10/04/2013 20:32

Yanbu. That's fucking outrageous!

GO!

everlong · 10/04/2013 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pozzled · 10/04/2013 20:33

Yanbu, assuming that the baby is not bf and will settle for your DH. You have as much right to a night out as he does, and you obviously don't object to him going out. And as you say, it's YOUR close friend- you should be there to celebrate with her.

Does he have any specific concerns? If not, I'd just tell him you are going. But if it's the first time he'll be left overnight with both DCs, I'd also make it as easy as possible for him.

treas · 10/04/2013 20:34

When you say close friend do you mean your friend or close friend to you both? If the later then he's not being that unreasonable. However, if it is the former then he needs a kick up the jacksy.

Wishiwasanheiress · 10/04/2013 20:34

Lamb, read ur post back to urself. Tell us, truthfully, if answering it for someone WWYD?

Have a great night

LindyHemming · 10/04/2013 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bringonyourwreckingball · 10/04/2013 20:36

Yanbu. He's being a colossal arse and should let you go, of course he should

flossieraptor · 10/04/2013 20:36

Just say what Hecsy says, what happens next time a night out is in the offing, if you can't both go?

YOUR HAPPINESS IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS HIS HAPPINESS

Original poster
Lambzig · 10/04/2013 20:37

He says it is different because we are both invited. His nights out tend to be straight from work kind of things.

We are both friends with the birthday friend and her DH, so tend to do lots of things with all of us in the daytime, so I can see why he is reluctant to miss ou, but if we both cant go I think I should get to go.

OP posts:
rustybusty · 10/04/2013 20:38

Why on earth are you asking him? Just do it.