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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want my name on the house papers ...

100 replies

Kione · 09/04/2013 22:04

if I contribute to paying the mortgage?
This hasn't been an argument as such, but wonder what everyone else thinks.
So when DP bought the house we live in we had been together for a while, I was pregnant and made redundant. So for the first 2++ years of DD life I used my redundancy money to live and pay for DD stuff and DP paid mortgage and some bills. I own the phone rental not to have arguments about using it too much.
Now I have a good job and could start paying mortgage too, but I want my name to be in the house papers. DP for some reason feel.uneasy about it so hasnt asked me for payments. He told me he has sorted the insurance so if he dies the house will be paid off and will pass to me. Before this it was going to pass direct to DD...
I have a feeling that he doesnt want to put my name on it in case we split up which makes me a bit sad...
I just dont know where to go from here, I have brought up the subject and he says yes, but then nothing its done about it.
What do people do?

OP posts:
ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 09/04/2013 22:08

You absolutely must get your name on that house.
If he objects, you need to ask yourself why. Does he not see you being together forever?
Do you intent to get married?

CloudsAndTrees · 09/04/2013 22:09

How much did he put into the house on his own?

In your position I'd consider getting my own mortgage in my own name on another property so that you have some security if you were to split up.

MimiSunshine · 09/04/2013 22:13

Hmm, has he actually out right said he feels uneasy or is it something you are picking up on?
It maybe that you are seeing him not doing anything to put your name on the papers and assuming its because he's worried about you breaking up when actually he just hasn't got around to it and genuinely thinks that its all taken care if because of the insurance?
However have you seen proof of this, or could he be fobbing you off?

Unless you have any reason to think he's planning to end your relationship then I would say go with the idea that he thinks its a) all taken care of or b) hasn't got round to it and find out what you need to do to change the deeds and then say to him, right I've got it laid out his is what we need to do and I'd feel happier if we did it.

If he stalls at that point, then you need a serious conversation as to why he won't let you invest and what signals that's giving you.

Gingerandproud · 09/04/2013 22:14

If you are contributing you should get your name on the mortgage. My fiancée and I bought a house before we got engaged and he paid all of the deposit. We bought our house as tenants in common. This means if we split his investment is protected, as well as any subsequent payments made by either of us.

It might be worth looking into.

JudgeJodie · 09/04/2013 22:15

I'm sure someone with more knowledge will be along soon, but I was under the impression that the only way to get your name on the deeds is to have a joint mortgage on the property. If he owned the house outright he could of course change the deeds with the land registry but I think with a mortgage you can't just add someone.

The bank are the joint owners already and they have to agree to be joint owners with you IYSWIM?

Would that cause complications perhaps?
Maybe if he is tied to a deal or is worried about credit ratings in this climate it might be why?

KurriKurri · 09/04/2013 22:17

You have contributed to this partnership - living costs, childcare, clothing etc for your joint child - yet if you split up you will have nothing, you must get your name on the house.
Where is your redundancy money? - disappeared into household expenses never to return, where is his money? - gone on a mortgage that will give him a house he can sell.

I would be very cross about this whole arrangement if it were me, and I would make an appointment with a solicitor and tell DP your name is going on that house too.

BruthasTortoise · 09/04/2013 22:17

You have your child to think about, you are unmarried (which does matter in these circs) and you are living in the household. This would be a deal breaker to me. Get your name on the mortgage ASAP.

HollyBerryBush · 09/04/2013 22:18

That's incorrect judge, you can have a single mortgage with the property in several names.

HollyBerryBush · 09/04/2013 22:20

Although, there would be no way on this earth I would put anyones name on my biggest financial asset unless I was married to them. I have seen far too many of my solvent female friends totally screwed over by their exPs and houses they worked for, taken out from underneath them

JudgeJodie · 09/04/2013 22:21

Oh thanks Holly, I didn't know that. What happens if the mortgage holder defaults. Who gets first dibs? I take it the banks have priority

Original poster
Kione · 09/04/2013 22:22

We where going to get married but I cancelled the plans only recently. Things back on track mow.
He put all the deposit and pays all bills except phone.
He did mention right at the start, when we first moved that if he put me on the papers and we split up he was going to be left with nothing. I just remembered I actually signed a legal document stating that I would live in the house but had no rights to it Sad . And that is when I told him I wasnt going to.pay a penny for it. Since then we gad conversations where I say "your house" and he corrects me to "our house" and the he change the insurance thingy. But no, I haven't seen proof of it.
I have thought of buying another propety myself, but frankly, I rather have just one between the two of us and use the rest of the money enjoying life.

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 09/04/2013 22:26

If he paid the deposit, its only right he protects himself.

Because you get to see the paper work, when we sold our last house, the new owners were co-habitees and it was a 70/30 split in her favour - I think its called 'tenants in common' and it's all laid out in the deeds and with the mortgage company

cozietoesie · 09/04/2013 22:27

Have you actually seen a will?

steppemum · 09/04/2013 22:27

you have absolutely no rights over the house if his name is on all the papers.

If you split up you would have to fight for the right to stay in the house, and to prove that you should have any part in it.

You need to sit down and have a serious talk

Original poster
Kione · 09/04/2013 22:28

Ginger, yes that is what I told him. We Han actually put a date from where I have paying (I think) I did the same as you with my ex.

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 09/04/2013 22:31

Why did you call the wedding off?

See, if I were your DP, and you'd called the wedding off yet kept asking about going on the house deeds, I'd be very suspicious.

Calling the wedding off implies the relationship is rocky.

Itsjustafleshwound · 09/04/2013 22:32

I think I would speak to a solicitor or someone knowledgeable to see what can/should be done to get some sort of equitable arrangement.

Original poster
Kione · 09/04/2013 22:33

cozie, I saw a will before he changed it where it said, the insurance money was for me, house for DD. Now he says it would come to me but will have to be paid with the insurance money. He mentioned once that he didnt want me to be able to sell everything and leave (I am foreign) and take DD away from his family Hmm
Yes, ee need to sit and talk as you have made clear what should my position be in all this.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 09/04/2013 22:34

I'm afraid I think it's rocky anyway, Holly, from what the OP has been posting. If I were her, I'd be looking to safeguard my DD's position.

HollyBerryBush · 09/04/2013 22:34

What happens if the mortgage holder defaults. Who gets first dibs? I take it the banks have priority

The mortgage holder always has first priority Grin - debts are always paid first. Closely followed by solicitors and estate agents Grin

Original poster
Kione · 09/04/2013 22:36

Holly because I had the feeling that he couldnt be bothered with it. It was the least romantic thing ever, me asking all the details and paperwork and him finding it boring to talk about it. He is the one that didnt want to get married, then changed his mind for DD but then I realised that its not how I wanted it.
But its not on the rocks, we are making lots of plans for the future.

OP posts:
formicaqueen · 09/04/2013 22:37

Save up and put a deposit on a property you can own? If you separate further down the line, you won't have a house. He is obviously being noncommittal which is why he isn't keen to have the mortgage in both names.

Sunnysummer · 09/04/2013 22:38

You definitely should, you can also tell him that if both your names are on the papers and anything does happen (hopefully not!), that doesn't mean it will be split 50:50, any court decision would take into account your contributions.

If you don't manage to get your name on the lease MAKE SURE YOU ARE PAYING MORTGAGE DIRECTLY! Or at least into his account with the label 'Mortgage', and with something in writing about this agreement. This will mean that you'd still have a claim to the share you'd paid for if things went pear shaped. Our land law classes were so full cases about unmarried couples where the woman had been paying for the daily expenses / child care etc while the partner paid the mortgage - but the assumption in that case is that the non-mortgage partner gets nothing. In one case, the poor woman had given up her job to renovate the place, but because she hadn't actually paid into the mortgage or renovations, she got nothing!
That said, the family courts do help with these things, but you'd rather have your own claim first.

Anyway, hopefully none of this will ever come up as everything will go well, but good luck getting some protection - and land law experts please do correct me on any of this with any more recent developments!

Original poster
Kione · 09/04/2013 22:39

yeah I am saving what I am not paying in mortgage plus more, but I rather have one house and spend the rest.of the money living life.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 09/04/2013 22:39

Property, insurance and wills aren't romantic, Kione, but clarity on them is a bedrock necessity for a good relationship. There's little point making plans for the future if you're currently on shaky ground - in my view.

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