To want my name on the house papers ...

[Kione]

if I contribute to paying the mortgage?
This hasn't been an argument as such, but wonder what everyone else thinks.
So when DP bought the house we live in we had been together for a while, I was pregnant and made redundant. So for the first 2++ years of DD life I used my redundancy money to live and pay for DD stuff and DP paid mortgage and some bills. I own the phone rental not to have arguments about using it too much.
Now I have a good job and could start paying mortgage too, but I want my name to be in the house papers. DP for some reason feel.uneasy about it so hasnt asked me for payments. He told me he has sorted the insurance so if he dies the house will be paid off and will pass to me. Before this it was going to pass direct to DD...
I have a feeling that he doesnt want to put my name on it in case we split up which makes me a bit sad...
I just dont know where to go from here, I have brought up the subject and he says yes, but then nothing its done about it.
What do people do?

Yeah, I agree Scarletts suggestion is really good. We do look at houses on the internet, just for day dreaming, so that sounds good!

yes, think about marriage if your relationship is good and stable, buy a joint house and arrange a joint account for bills but keep own accounts for your own money too, contribute the same percentage of your incomes and then all is fair all round

But the deposit could be protected if that's the DPs main concern. The fact that the OP has been contributing to the household, all be it in terms of raising and paying for their child, but will be left with nothing should they split is worrying. Personally, and I'm not trying to be horrible OP, I think your DP is setting the stage for, in the event of a split, he retains both the house and custody of your child. Courts do favour children remaining in the family home, your only support network is his family and your financial situation is precarious. Save your money, put a deposit on your own house and move yourself and your child into it until you're married

Considering OP's position, and I was in exactly the same position, I would be wary too. You could indeed be left with nothing, and without anywhere for your child to live and lose custody - it has happened countless times before.

Buy your own house now that you are earning money, and personally, I would rent it out instead of live in it until you get married but that's your personal choice.

I cant believe the flaming op is getting.
She is with a man who does not seem interested in marrying her.
He does not want to share property with her.
Yet, op has been raising his daughter, and spend her money, even her redundancy money on living expenses and groceries, and SHE is money grabbing?

WTF? What about him? Securing his financial future with a property HE can live in and SELL if he wants to? And op has raised his child and spent her cash on this. And she pays the phone bill so he should not complain she uses it too much?

I would not marry this man, I would buy my own property and move there.

I have to say Quint that the whole situation makes me nervous. I really feel OP needs to protect herself with the cash she is earning and keep everything separate.

But the DP did want to marry her - the OP cancelled the wedding on the grounds 'he wasn't romantic enough'. Whatever that means.

Holly, I think you did not read properly the reply that the op specifically directed at you:

"I had the feeling that he couldnt be bothered with it. It was the least romantic thing ever, me asking all the details and paperwork and him finding it boring to talk about it. He is the one that didnt want to get married, then changed his mind for DD but then I realised that its not how I wanted it."

Not sure I would marry a man who only wanted to marry me because of his child, and who dragged his feet and did not want to sort the paperwork.

I think the op made the right decision there!

Now you just need to safeguard your own and your childs future by investing in a property for yourself that you and child can live in if needs be, to redress the balance!

On the whole, men don't seem to be as interested in weddings. My DH pretty much just wanted to know when to turn up and where :o It doesn't mean he loves me any less so if I'd called the wedding off because he didn't seem interested enough I would have been stupid.

I'm with the DP on this one, you have given him reason not to trust you so I don't blame him for wanting to protect his home that he has worked hard for.

Quint, thank you for understanding me!

Rubber, that IS a blunt generalisation I know lots of couples where the men are equally as excited about the wedding and did romantic proposals!

My ex h was a bit like this, we'd been together 3 years when we bought a house - he insisted on buying it in his name with me paying rent to him. Being young and naive I went along with this, and it carried on right through us getting married and in fact right up until I went on mat leave 5 years later. He refused all joint finances during the 17 years we were together, and in fact I only found out just before we split he'd got over 20k in savings yet watched me scrimp and pay for necessary home improvements on credit card and struggle to repay from my (much less than his) wage. Anyway I guess all I'm saying is the refusal re shared mortgage rang alarm bells with me. Hopefully you will come to some agreement.

Kione, I didn't think you were being a gold digger at all, just that as you are not married, your DP has to protect his interests as much as you have to protect yours. I

He can't do that if your name is on the deeds to the house, which is why I think you are better off either saving up until you get married, and then paying a lump off the mortgage so you will be able to get back what you put in, and would have a fair claim to the house after making a significant investment. I don't think one or two mortgage payments is enough to entitle anyone to a share of a house. Or, you save up your own money so that if you do split up in the future, you have some financial security.

My opinion is that it depends on what your relationship is like with DP. What are his previous experiences? Ie has he had a joint mortgage before?

TBH from what I have read so far I would most definitely not have your name on the mortgage but I would open a savings account should things go wrong then you will have enough for a deposit elsewhere

From personal experience, it is a major pain in the arse if you break up.
I was with my ex bf for 12 years and we had a house together, no kids though. We broke up but due to slight negative equity we kept the house jointly.
Our verbal agreement was whoever lived in the house after the split would pay the mortgage. We didn't really discuss what would happen should it be sold.
Anyway I moved out after a few months of sharing and he said he wanted his new gf to move in.
Then they moved out after a year, and due to having no other option as we were in no position to sell I moved in.
New gf is now his wife and they have 2 kids.
I'm now married with a baby on the way. Me and hubby still live in the house but it is owned by me and ex bf which doesn't bother DH but annoys me greatly as I feel I can't properly move on.
Ex bf gets nothing from it, I just pay all the bills as I live there. I tried to get his name taken off the mortgage a couple of years ago but there's a joint secured loan which needed to be paid off in full before the deeds could be changed. The joint loan is something I agreed to with ex bf before we split but the loan is his and I'm still waiting for him to clear it so I can sort the deeds out.
Also ex bf didn't default on other personal credit card payments but he set up a payment plan, basically a nominal fee monthly. This affected MY credit rating because we are joint owners on the mortgage.

Seriously I think a divorce would be much simpler than jointly owning a property after a break up. Luckily ex bf has not been an arse about it. I'm planning on having the property in my sole name once his debt is cleared. Then DH and I will move somewhere anew with a joint mortgage.

If he has paid the deposit and the mortgage to date as well as all the bills then its little wonder he wants to protect himself. Either suggest you biy somewhere new together where you go halfs or save and pay off the mortgage once married.

If a woman was posting this the replies would be dont let him get his hands on your house

Here's where you've lost me:

"I dont want 50%. What I say is; imagine I start paying noe £300 a month towards the morgage. We split up 10 months down the line, I would like mlthe £3000 I have paid. "

But you would likely have only paid a tiny fraction of capital in that time, the majority of it would be interest. So you would not have contributed £3000 to the mortgage in terms of value, probably more like £300. If you rented with a partner from a Landlord you would "lose" the rent money, and it's not losing it's just paying your contribution to keeping house.

Ok well I had now the opinions I wanted. I will sit down wirh DP and talk through rhings to see whats the best option.
Thanks for all your comments.

OP, is this something you have posted about 4 times now? Or is it just a very similar issue that a lot of posters have had around the same time? The only different factor in this thread (you will have to excuse my mnemonic memory) is that your DP doesn't own the house outright, but has a mortgage.

why would I post it 4 times?
No first and only time.

My apologies, there have been three previous very recent posts from a very similar sounding poster who wasn't from the UK, had a DP who owned a house she lived in and one DD!

ok! well I woul.deffinitelly not ask for my name down if the house had been paid for!
But I take on board the opinions here and will speak to him. I am.pretty sure is jot a case of lack of trust he is just very savy with his money.

That just gave me something to think of... if the hause was paid off surely I wouldnt be paying rent?? i'd share bills and groceries but is it to pay for the house right? like a lodger? doednt sit right with me... but yeah.if a man did that he would be called here a cocklodger...

You can't just add a name to a house, he would need to remortgage to add anyone else, his current deal, I.e. Interest rate would need to renegotiated and potentially there may be a penalty fee levied to leave his current mortgage, it is doable and you might get a better rate now than when he first bought. You can get the "tenant in common" agreement to protect his investment and can have a joint mortgage but you can't just be added to his current deeds or mortgage.

Apologies if this has already been done, because I've only skim-read the thread, but it isn't as simple as just 'adding your name to the deeds'

I had the same situation with Ex-DH and we got legal advice on it, and this is broadly what we were told.

If there mortgage is only in one name, the title deeds can also only be in that name. The mortgage company will not allow another name on the deeds.

You therefore have a couple of options. You can register a Deed of Trust, which gives you a legal standing regarding the house. Any solicitor can do this, and you can (I think) either register a % split, or or have a joint tenants/tenants in common distinction in the document.

Option two is to remortgage, take out a joint mortgage and get you added onto the deeds.
But if you do this, you are liable to pay the stamp duty on the entire value of the property (not just the 50% share that you are now 'getting'). So if your house is over the stamp duty threshold, this could be pretty pricey!
Also, if you live in a leasehold property, you'll have to get the lease amended, which is another expense, especially if your freeholder likes to fleece you for every little possible charge possible.

Obviously it is worth getting proper legal advice on the process for either of these options, but it was more complicated than we expected it to be!

Pigsmummy sparechange

That was my understanding of it. Banks don't like any more risk than they have to and adding someone to the deeds with whom they have no agreement is a BIG risk.

Some lenders ask for details of who will be living in the property and insist on a signed declaration that they will not try and claim any legal rights to the property if the situation arises, merely by virtue of the fact that they live there.

Quite often there is a marker on the deeds at the land registry barring any alterations being made. To ensure you don't get a mortgage, transfer to someone else entirely and then default.
Re-mortgaging could be very costly if he has a fixed term, or if he has a good rate not now available.

Should have clarified, the deed of trust is a bit like putting a charge on the house. It will be lodged with the land registry that you have an interest in the house, and you'll be notified (and possibly have to give permission) if the house is sold or remortgaged.