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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister set her wedding date two months before mine

88 replies

Karadi · 31/03/2013 21:54

She did check with me that it was alright and even though i was taken aback, I said its fine go ahead

A bit of background. Ive been seeing my finance for a couple of years, got engaged in Sept and have been dithering about setting a date but thought we do it July. Small wedding so not much planning req.

Sister met her finance in Sept, had a whirlwind romance and they have deceided to get married and not wait. Sister is 36 yrs old and wants to start a family asap and thinking of getting married in May.

Considering all this I have said go ahead but at the back of my mind i think she is being a bit U and sort of trying to upstage me. I say sort of because she is lovely and we are very good friends so i dont think all this is conscious. She is older than me btw.

So AIBU for thinking she is?

OP posts:
AllThatGlistens · 31/03/2013 21:57

But if you haven't actually set a date formally yet then she can't be upstaging you?

TWinklyLittleStar · 31/03/2013 21:58

YABU, she asked which she was under no obligation to do, and as she's 36 I can see that she wants to get on with having a baby asap. Anyway my DSis and I had a similar gap between our weddings and it was lovely being able to plan and get excited together. Hopefully you'll be able to do the same.

notnowImreading · 31/03/2013 21:58

Double wedding?!

FiveGoMadInDorset · 31/03/2013 21:58

Yes.

scottishtablet · 31/03/2013 21:59

Yes, YABU. She asked you- you had the chance to say you would like to be married first, and you didn't take it.

HeartsEggsDiamonds · 31/03/2013 21:59

I think for the sake of your relationship and your own sanity you might have to let this one go if you can. I can understand her not wanting to wait at the age of 36. How old are you OP?

HollyBerryBush · 31/03/2013 22:00

How can you say one the one hand she is upstaging you, then on the other hand say she wouldn't be conscious of doing so? T'is one thing or the other.

ChippingInIsEggceptional · 31/03/2013 22:01

Double wedding seems like a good plan Grin

TheEasterQODdy · 31/03/2013 22:01

My sis did exactly this. We got engaged on deciding to get married a yr for that day, sis suddenly announced about 8 months later that she was bringing her wedding forward by 9 months (not pregggers) to 7 weeks before ours.

TheEasterQODdy · 31/03/2013 22:01

Ugh a year FROM that day

Original poster
Karadi · 31/03/2013 22:03

I can understand her reasons for not wanting to wait but its just that a lot of people will be traveling from abroad for the wedding and its unlikely that they will travel for two weddings a couple of months apart and it is likely that they will come for hers and not mine. Which is why Im a bit grumpy about this.

Not enough to say no to her or cause a fight but just enough to want to vent on an anonymous forum :)

Neither of us want a double wedding.

I am 34.

OP posts:
FakeHotCrossLobsters · 31/03/2013 22:10

When I met DH his cousin was engaged and the wedding set for September.

We were also a bit of a whirlwind and got engaged four months after we met and set a wedding date for July.

Upstaging his cousin didn't even cross our minds.

I understand you might have felt put on the spot but she asked and you said you didn't mind, so I think you might have to let it go now.

Is it just the wedding that's bothering you, or is the fact that she's also thinking of starting a family after the wedding on your mind as well?

FakeHotCrossLobsters · 31/03/2013 22:11

Oh, x-posted.

The guests from abroad thing does add a bit to it.

Does she even plan on inviting everyone though, or is she thinking of a quick, low key event?

trixymalixy · 31/03/2013 22:13

She checked with you. You said it was fine. YABU.

Original poster
Karadi · 31/03/2013 22:15

Yes she will invite everyone. About 25% of the guests would be close family and our childhood friends who now live abroad. If anything hers is going to be a bigger event than mine.

But glad to know people think IABU so will let it go and enjoy her wedding.

No = not at all jealous of her happiness or having anything against her starting a family

OP posts:
thegreylady · 31/03/2013 22:15

I do think a double wedding is the way to go so family members can see you both married.You could have a separate party for your individual friends at a later date.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 31/03/2013 22:17

How can she 'upstage' you?

You are marrying the person you love, her marrying the person she loves doesn't change that at all.

YABU and a bit bridezilla.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 31/03/2013 22:17

If you don't want a double wedding, then why not have yours the following day or something? That way everyone will be there for both.

Maggie111 · 31/03/2013 22:18

You're dithering with yours - she can't wait till you actually decide anything as that could be a while yet.. I can understand your issue but as you only want a small wedding - why don't you do it within the same week as hers?

Don't have a joint wedding together but plan some elements together - so that they can be distinct. You can agree with each other's venues and colours etc.

specialsubject · 31/03/2013 22:19

on what planet does it matter how close or far apart two sisters get married?

thousands of people will get married in the same week as you. Some may even get married on the same day.

another newsflash - many people may not travel from abroad for either wedding. Those that only want to go to one will not have the decision affected by whichever is first.

live your own life. Your wedding will take an hour of it at most and is not important.

CandyCrushed · 31/03/2013 22:22

YAB very U

It was polite of her to ask you but really she should get married whenever she wants and you should get married when you want.

Do you honestly think she wants to upstage you???? Hmm.

formicaqueen · 31/03/2013 22:40

does it really matter

SquinkieBunnies · 31/03/2013 23:44

My sister and her best friend (since babies, like sisters) married a week apart, they were each others bridesmaids. If you have family coming from so far, maybe a week apart means they could see both weddings. Or cancel your date and move it to another year out.
I'm sure you can come to some sort of happy medium.

allagory · 01/04/2013 00:12

i can see why you might be slightly miffed. But she did ask. To be honest, if the relatives / friends come from abroad for her wedding, you will get to spend more time with them and enjoy their company much more as a guest than a bride. Before the wedding there are a million little urgent tasks to do and at the reception as the bride you really have to talk to everyone. If you have 80 people coming and 6 hours, that's only 6 mins per person (less if you take time out for photos, eating, speeches, cutting cake etc.)

I am sure you will have a lovely day at your wedding but being a bride is really a daft load of nonsense. Focus on the marriage, not the wedding.

pinkyredrose · 01/04/2013 01:38

YABU. Get over yourself. She's your sister you should be happy for her.