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AIBU?

Sister set her wedding date two months before mine

88 replies

Karadi · 31/03/2013 21:54

She did check with me that it was alright and even though i was taken aback, I said its fine go ahead

A bit of background. Ive been seeing my finance for a couple of years, got engaged in Sept and have been dithering about setting a date but thought we do it July. Small wedding so not much planning req.

Sister met her finance in Sept, had a whirlwind romance and they have deceided to get married and not wait. Sister is 36 yrs old and wants to start a family asap and thinking of getting married in May.

Considering all this I have said go ahead but at the back of my mind i think she is being a bit U and sort of trying to upstage me. I say sort of because she is lovely and we are very good friends so i dont think all this is conscious. She is older than me btw.

So AIBU for thinking she is?

OP posts:

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CheeseCakeSunflowers · 24/07/2019 20:04

Happy sixth anniversary to both couples.

Waveysnail · 24/07/2019 19:31

FFS Zombie

Waveysnail · 24/07/2019 19:30

Would it be a terrible idea to do weddings a week apart? Hers one weekend and yours the next? So all visitors from abroad can attend both if that's the issue

GreyhoundzRool · 24/07/2019 19:26

ZOMBIE

needmorespace · 24/07/2019 19:24

YOU DO REALISE THIS THREAD IS SIX YEARS OLD!!!!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 24/07/2019 19:16

think she is being a bit U and sort of trying to upstage me

You do realise what marriage actually means? It’s not a competition nor is it about the brides big day.

She didn’t even have to ask as doesn’t need your permission or approval.

Thinkboutitnow · 24/07/2019 19:11

On what planet does it matter, Special Subject? It matters for those who are offering financial assistance. It matters to those who don't have the finances to attend both. It matters to double-wedding-bridesmaids who can't afford to be in both weddings. There may be no "rules" about booking your wedding close to your siblings - but it does matter in many ways.

Mother2many · 03/04/2013 16:14

I think your worried that people won't be able to travel to go to BOTH weddings?

I agree with ImTooHecsyForYourParty , maybe have it a few days after hers...and then out of town, people travel LONG distances can attend both! :))

I'm sure if she confronted you about the date, she would understand just talking about how you feel about everything.... Doesn't hurt to talk and ask for suggestions on how to make things work for both of you.

allagory · 01/04/2013 23:48

Karadi - difficult decision, so mature. Your sister is lucky to have you.

FamiliesShareGerms · 01/04/2013 20:01

It's a bit Bennett sisters to worry about which sister gets married first

foreverondiet · 01/04/2013 19:59

Yabu as you said you were dithering about when, why should she wait when you dithering? if you are worried about overseas guests have the wedding a few days after hers.

Trills · 01/04/2013 19:55

You've been dithering and have not set a date.

She has reasons to want to get married quickly.

As far as she knew you could have waited another year.

She's not dong it to upstage you, she's doing it because she wants to be married.

Trills · 01/04/2013 19:51

Having a wedding is not "upstaging" someone, it is just "having a wedding".

emess · 01/04/2013 19:49

OP I think you have found a sensible way through this. I am glad.

Real-life story: A (female) and B got engaged at New Year and declared they would marry in 1.5 years (in June). A's older brother then got engaged to his gf shortly after, and declared they would marry in August. A felt upstaged and felt it was unfair on their widowed mother (despite widowed mother not having to pay for son's wedding, obviously). So A and B pulled their wedding forward to November. A was miffed that she couldn't have the June wedding she'd dreamed of. She's my MIL and is still complaining about it 60 years later!! OP, don't let this be you ...

Bogeyface · 01/04/2013 19:05

I wonder if the reason the sister has jumped in first is because she is older and feels that as the elder sister she should be the one that gets married first. Some people are stupid about that sort of thing. I know someone who stopped speaking to her younger sister because the younger sister had a baby first, even though the older one didnt want kids at that point. As far as she was concerned, the younger sister should have waited until the older sister had had at least one baby before starting her own family, and if that meant waiting 5 years, well tough, wait!

kelda · 01/04/2013 19:00

You don't sound that bothered about getting married if you have postponed the wedding - although how can you postpone if you had never set a date anyway?

If you really want to get married, stop thinking about it and just do it. Nothing and no-one would have stopped me marrying my dh.

janey68 · 01/04/2013 18:54

I think you've got the far better deal by postponing. I'm still
wondering how on earth your sister is going to get a big do booked and organised for next month!! Youve got far more chance of getting the rellies from abroad over

piratecat · 01/04/2013 18:25

if it means alot of people won't be able to take time off or be able to afford to come to your wedding then i don not think you are being unreasonable.

she was unreasonable to get in there before you, and i feel she should have held off.

that's what i would have done if it was my sister and she'd been talking to me about wedding plans for this year.

HildaOgden · 01/04/2013 18:21

I don't think you should be annoyed with your sister...I think you should be annoyed with yourself for procastinating.

Your wedding wasn't even booked.

Plumsofgold · 01/04/2013 18:14

I think it's very odd that you are now postponing your wedding. I was under the impression that getting married was about the 2 of you. If people want to see you get married then they will still come.

DontmindifIdo · 01/04/2013 17:47

Sally, a lot of the 'cross over' guests will have to fly in from overseas. It does mean two weddings a couple of months apart in the UK is both too far away for them both to be covered in one trip, and too close together for a lot of people to find the money again for another UK trip. It's really good of you to move it OP.

Sallyingforth · 01/04/2013 17:44

I don't see any problem with it. You are both getting married and you both set dates that are right for you. I would only be concerned if they were the same week and made attendance difficult for friends.

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DontmindifIdo · 01/04/2013 17:34

i think its very generous of you to pospone if you think it'll be a problem having them so close together - in fact to me that's the opposite of bridzilla - you've realised that actually it might be a problem for your guests to attend both so close together, so rather than stamp your feet and say "but I was first" and try to force people to do both/pick yours, you've changed it it make it possile for people to do both.

JenaiMorris · 01/04/2013 17:29

"Miffed" is probably a good word in this context. I'd be miffed too. I wouldn't be incandescent with rage or wailing because my wedding was ruined - ruined!!!! but yeah, I'd be a bit put out. Wouldn't anyone?

Being thrilled for the other couple and being a bit "hang on, I was meant to be doing this first" aren't mutually exclusive.

Groovee · 01/04/2013 17:20

My wedding date was set for 13 months. Then my brother got married 5 weeks before me. It went fine but I was miffed.

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