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AIBU?

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Original poster

To keep a punishment going despite illness

106 replies

LtEveDallas · 05/03/2013 10:09

OK MN Jury, do your worst Grin. I don't think I'm BU, but promise not to be "one of those" posters.

Last week DD (7) did something very naughty. Her punishment was no 'screens' for a week ie no phone/computer/iPad. I gave the punishment (supported by DH) on Thu.

Yesterday she was sent home from school an hour early with a temperature and headache - she's been 'off colour' all weekend, but seemed better yesterday morning.

Last night she asked if she could go on the iPad and I said no. She didn't push the issue and there was no sulking or anything. She knows exactly why she is being punished.

She woke up crying this morning, complaining of a headache and sore throat. He temp was 38.7, so I've kept her off school again.

DH is a SAHD. I've just had a call off him to tell me she's feeling much better, her temp is back down to 37 and is asking for the iPad. He wants to say yes, I've said no. He is now in a snit with me

So, am I being too harsh? I don't think I am, but do you keep punishments going if your DC are ill?

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 05/03/2013 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MidniteScribbler · 05/03/2013 10:14

Does the punishment include tv? I would probably allow her to watch a dvd, but no pone, ipad or computer.

scaevola · 05/03/2013 10:15

I'd permit TV and DVD, but maintain the rest.

And perhaps agree something with DH about how she can "earn" an earlier reprieve from the punishment by conspicuously good behaviour.

MerryMingeWhingesAgain · 05/03/2013 10:17

I think no screens when at home poorly is more of a punishment for the SAHP caring for them Grin

Neither of you are BU really. I really try to avoid empty threats/sanctions not carried out, but it may be your DP that suffers more.

Original poster
LtEveDallas · 05/03/2013 10:17

No, punishment doesn't include TV (Her 'crime' was iPad related). When I left for work she was happily watching iCarly (groan). I told her before that I wanted her to rest, spend most of the day in bed, and just read, draw or watch TV. She seemed happy enough then, but I don't know if she's whinging at him now or not.

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 05/03/2013 10:19

I always find that the problem with long term punishment is that once given shouldn't be retracted, so most of ours bans are short term - 24hours (which hurts enough) OR, if long term isn't something that I'd want to change in 3 days time... no screen time would cause more trouble than it solved for us, if for a week!

For extremely bad behaviour we may take away the right to CHOOSE what's on the screen (believe me a week of having to watch Come Dine With Me or nothing does work).

YANBU. I personaly don't think your DH IBU either. I guess you'll have to spend time with your poorly DD doing things to distract her from screens and poorliness. I would hesitate to retract the punishment, but I suspect I probably would in the end, or knock a few days off for good behaviour ie., try to find a way to get out of the punishment without looking like it's forgotten... perhaps add a few days onto the end, 'punishment time to make up'?

aldiwhore · 05/03/2013 10:20

Ah right, I assumed TV too!!

In that case YANBU!

Original poster
LtEveDallas · 05/03/2013 10:20

I think no screens when at home poorly is more of a punishment for the SAHP caring for them Grin Think DH would agree with you there MerryMinge Grin

OP posts:
FireOverBabylon · 05/03/2013 10:22

No she can't have the iPad, she's ill, she stays in bed and reads, or gets up and does puzzles. If she's well enough to be asking for iPads, she can go in for afternoon school.

MerryMingeWhingesAgain · 05/03/2013 10:22

I had DD off school with a temp and sore throat for one day last week and she did my head in Grin Bad mother.

I let her watch TV pretty much all day. She hasn't really got into the computer stuff much yet.

Kiriwawa · 05/03/2013 10:23

She can watch TV/do drawing. I'd keep the punishment going if I were you/your DH, especially as she is largely better now.

Otherwise what are you going to do if she's much better this evening? Reinstate it?

mrsjay · 05/03/2013 10:24

No and why is dad passing the buck to you Hmm tell him to be strong and say no, he is at home with her whinging I suppose id offer her a book or some pens to draw the Ipad may hurt her head again Wink

Bogeyface · 05/03/2013 10:25

I read your OP to mean TVs aswell.

YANBU, she is pushing it because you aren't there and if he says yes then at a stroke he will be showing her that no matter what you say, Daddy will give in eventually and will render any punishments you give her as useless. This isnt about the punishment but about backing each other up, and if he wont do that then before you know it she will be playing you off against each other.

Try explaining it in those terms and he might understand better.

purpleroses · 05/03/2013 10:25

IF she can still watch TV, then I can't see a problem with her not being allowed on the ipad. TV's better if they're poorly as easier to fall asleep to if they need to.

Bogeyface · 05/03/2013 10:26

Are you normally "bad cop" OP? I wonder if your DH doesnt like having to do discipline and would rather give in to be "good cop" again.

mrsjay · 05/03/2013 10:27

. This isnt about the punishment but about backing each other up, and if he wont do that then before you know it she will be playing you off against each other

that

Original poster
LtEveDallas · 05/03/2013 10:33

DD is rarely ill TBH, normal snots and sniffles only, so for her to wake up crying with pain is very, very unusual.

I dosed her up with Neurofen before I left at 8, so that will be why she is feeling better now - I've no doubt she'll relapse come 11/12. There is something going round - I was feeling ropey last week and there seems to be a lot of kids off school.

I don't want to 'give in' as I was very annoyed/let down with her last week, but also I think that an iPad screen etc will probably make her worse if her head is that bad.

OP posts:
MaryRobinson · 05/03/2013 10:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeyface · 05/03/2013 10:40

She was canny enough to do something so serious that meritted the punishment. I hate it when people say "Awww but she is only.....3/4/7/12/21"

Some kids are very canny at 7, others aren't, the OP knows which her DD is and tailored an appropriate punishment.

Original poster
LtEveDallas · 05/03/2013 10:43

Are you normally "bad cop" OP

Probably. DH is shouty and knee-jerk and gives ridiculous threats "Right, that's it, we're cancelling the holiday" that DD knows he doesn't mean.

I tend to make punishments fit the crime and I do follow through. In all honesty DD is generally a really well behaved kid, so a raise of my eyebrows or a "really?" tends to do the job Grin. She is starting to test me now though (nearly 8, and I gather they turn into devil children right about then), so I want her to know I mean business before her hellcat side emerges.

Right, so consensus seems to be I'm not BU. Good - I was wondering if I was turning into Victorian Mum for a while.

OP posts:
thinking1 · 05/03/2013 10:50

I think your DD can feel her dad wavering, so is pushing her luck to see if she can get past him.

My 6 year old knows what day of the week it is, and how many days a week is, how long a weekend is, he also constantly asks how many days until our next holiday/visit to X's house etc. etc.. My 8 year old was banned from the Xbox for 2 days last week because he refused to come off when I asked (he knew there was a deadline to leave, and agreed to it in advance), and shouted at me. Funnily enough, since the 2 day ban has ended, he has turned it off himself, at the agreed time. He has learnt. (until the next time....!!!! Grin).

A week does seem quite long - but we don't know what the crime was, and the punishment is out there now, so I'd stick to it. Next time you give a punishment like this, if you give in now, she'll be "ill" next time to, I'll bet!!!!

mrsjay · 05/03/2013 10:50

a 7 yr old will remember why they are being punished give them some credit , she isn't 3

thinking1 · 05/03/2013 10:51

~Aha, so that's right - your DD sees your DH as the soft touch, and she's seeing if she can get him to give in when you aren't there....

oscarwilde · 05/03/2013 10:59

I'm agree with Thinking. Never underestimate the ability of a little girl to manipulate their fathers into making them feel sorry for them Grin
YANBU

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/03/2013 11:04

YANBU. She can read, draw, watch TV, she will not die for want of an iPad until Thursday. Your DH should be suitably shamefaced at being manipulated by a 7 year old!

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