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AIBU?

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Original poster

To keep a punishment going despite illness

106 replies

LtEveDallas · 05/03/2013 10:09

OK MN Jury, do your worst Grin. I don't think I'm BU, but promise not to be "one of those" posters.

Last week DD (7) did something very naughty. Her punishment was no 'screens' for a week ie no phone/computer/iPad. I gave the punishment (supported by DH) on Thu.

Yesterday she was sent home from school an hour early with a temperature and headache - she's been 'off colour' all weekend, but seemed better yesterday morning.

Last night she asked if she could go on the iPad and I said no. She didn't push the issue and there was no sulking or anything. She knows exactly why she is being punished.

She woke up crying this morning, complaining of a headache and sore throat. He temp was 38.7, so I've kept her off school again.

DH is a SAHD. I've just had a call off him to tell me she's feeling much better, her temp is back down to 37 and is asking for the iPad. He wants to say yes, I've said no. He is now in a snit with me

So, am I being too harsh? I don't think I am, but do you keep punishments going if your DC are ill?

OP posts:
kimorama · 05/03/2013 12:13

Normal Parenting is diverse Darkside.

Career mothers often feel they have to be more disciplinarian because they are busy away from the children. (They admit this privately)

A sad case came before a judge. A woman went to work and left her 3 year old penned round the TV (She was desperate...but)

Wewereherefirst · 05/03/2013 12:14

Kimorama Throwing apparent insults- 'chinese mums' Really? Hmm Shows that you're as childish as the child OP is punishing, but with a wonky moral stance.

OP- You are reasonable. I would probably suggest the ban gets extended each time its asked for. Then again I am another Victorian mum.

kimorama · 05/03/2013 12:15

On the original op. Punishment and kids with high temperatures do not go together,. A prisoner would be in the hospital wing.

Catchingmockingbirds · 05/03/2013 12:16

If she's off school with a sore head then wouldn't staring at the iPad screen possibly make her headache worse anyway?

Morloth · 05/03/2013 12:17

Yeah but he probably wouldn't have an ipad.

Catchingmockingbirds · 05/03/2013 12:18

"A prisoner would be in the hospital wing."

I bet they wouldn't be in the hospital wing playin on an iPad though :o

Andro · 05/03/2013 12:19

kimorama - you seem to difficulty understanding the concept of rights versus privileges. I consider that my children have (among other things) a right to food, water, clothes, a safe and warm house and to know they are loved and cared for. TV, computers, sound systems, gadgets, play dates etc are privileges...any of which can be revoked if behaviour is unacceptable. A child who abuses the privilege of computer time, is clearly not ready for the level of responsibility associated with that privilege...accordingly the privilege is revoked. That's not cruel, that's responsible parenting.

Bogeyface · 05/03/2013 12:23

Andro

Brilliant post, couldnt have put it better myself.

kimorama · 05/03/2013 12:23

Morloth point taken. Good for you.

wigglesrock · 05/03/2013 12:25

I wouldn't let her have the i-pad and I'm soft touch central. To be honest I probably wouldn't let her have it again for quite some time, maybe look at it after Easter. My 5 year old ran a very high temp for most of last week and I wouldn't let her have anything screen related, her head was sore too. She watched a bit of tv.

Morloth · 05/03/2013 12:26

How very odd.

Now, I have to sleep, be strong OP I actually think it is important for her not to get the ipad back.

StuntGirl · 05/03/2013 12:32

YANBU eve. She could read, draw, play quietly. You're letting her watch tv so she's not completely without entertainment.

I can see how your husband may now be wavering now he's alone at home with her and she's guilting him into relenting but you decided the punishment together and it would not be unreasonable to see it through.

However if you feel like being truly Dickensian you could send her out to clean some chimneys. She might as well be useful and make you some money while she's off school Grin

farewellfarewell · 05/03/2013 12:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

farewellfarewell · 05/03/2013 12:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MmeThenardier · 05/03/2013 12:41

Whilst I think you're right, I also think the ultimate decision to relax the punishment lies with the SAHP. If that's your dh in this case, he is probably best placed to judge. He certainly has the stress of dealing with a sick child which is no fun.

ukatlast · 05/03/2013 12:45

YABU
At the age of 7, a week is an eternity. If your DH is the SAHD, he should be the one mainly responsible for discipline not you. What on earth can a 7 year old do that is so terrible?

ukatlast · 05/03/2013 12:49

Oh okay, just read the crime lol. If she has access to TV, then I apologise YANBU but in general 7 days is too long a sanction for anyone, yet alone a 7 year old.

SminkoPinko · 05/03/2013 13:02

no way should he relent! it's a fair but not harsh consequence for an action that needs a strong "you were way out of line" message. her illness is neither here nor there. an ipad is not necessary to aid her recovery or care and imo the ban should definitely stand. it will seriously undermine your authority as parents if you rescind the ban early and if dh does it will reinforce or create a sense that he is the softy and you do the discipline. no no no from me!

Andro · 05/03/2013 13:03

I also think the ultimate decision to relax the punishment lies with the SAHP

I really disagree with this. At best, it undermines the parent who gave the punishment (assuming that parent is WOH), at worst it sends the message that enough whinging/guilt tripping/pleading will result in sanction being lifted.

If your DH is the SAHD, he should be the one mainly responsible for discipline not you.

Her DH supported the punishment when it was handed out, does being a SAHD justify undermining his DW now that things have got a little tough?

Andro · 05/03/2013 13:03

Sigh, spectacular bold fail there...

SminkoPinko · 05/03/2013 13:13

I agree that a week is an eternity to a 7 y o and I think a ban that feels like an eternity is entirely appropriate here! if one of my children did this and apple didn't refund we would be seriously in the financial shit. children need to learn about the realities of family finances in a safe way as well as the likely reaction and consequences when trust is broken and I think the OP's response has been calm yet clear, just and reasonable.

BeerTricksPotter · 05/03/2013 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LtEveDallas · 05/03/2013 13:30

Had another call from DH. It seems he is now feeling ropey, hence wanting to back down for some peace and quiet.

We've had a chat and he accepts that the punishment should stand. I think DD was pushing and whinging at him and he thought she was feeling better as he started to feel ill.

Her temp went back up once the Nurofen wore off, so she's now quiet in bed watching even more iCarly. He's going to join her and hopefully they'll both fall asleep!

Thanks all Thanks. Wish me luck for when I get home - two grumpy whingy ill people wont be fun Smile

OP posts:
Viewofthehills · 05/03/2013 13:32

Can safely say that if my 7 yr old did this the i pad access would be withdrawn until she could show me that she was responsible enough to be trusted.

Say aged about 12.

YANBU

thinking1 · 05/03/2013 13:33

PMSL at Kimorama's ridiculous statements. Bribery? Does that mean saying to OP's DD "That was a naughty thing to do DD. I will give you sweets/money/clothes/something you want if you never do that again".

DD then thinks hmmmmmmm, what shall I do next? If I do something EVEN NAUGHTIER, Mum/Dad will offer me sweets/money/clothes/something I want x 2 so that I never do that again".....

Great outcome Hmm