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AIBU?

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Original poster

To keep a punishment going despite illness

106 replies

LtEveDallas · 05/03/2013 10:09

OK MN Jury, do your worst Grin. I don't think I'm BU, but promise not to be "one of those" posters.

Last week DD (7) did something very naughty. Her punishment was no 'screens' for a week ie no phone/computer/iPad. I gave the punishment (supported by DH) on Thu.

Yesterday she was sent home from school an hour early with a temperature and headache - she's been 'off colour' all weekend, but seemed better yesterday morning.

Last night she asked if she could go on the iPad and I said no. She didn't push the issue and there was no sulking or anything. She knows exactly why she is being punished.

She woke up crying this morning, complaining of a headache and sore throat. He temp was 38.7, so I've kept her off school again.

DH is a SAHD. I've just had a call off him to tell me she's feeling much better, her temp is back down to 37 and is asking for the iPad. He wants to say yes, I've said no. He is now in a snit with me

So, am I being too harsh? I don't think I am, but do you keep punishments going if your DC are ill?

OP posts:
Original poster
LtEveDallas · 05/03/2013 11:08

Would she even remember the crime if you didn't remind her at this stage Oh yes, she'll never forget it!

Unfortunately DD is very canny Hmm. Far more canny than I gave her credit for. She managed to download £250 worth of in-app purchases onto the iPad. Originally I thought it was accidental, because the in-app purchasing had been enabled when I did an iOS update and I hadn't realised. But it turned out she had worked out my password and puchased them on purpose Shock

We were able to get the money back, Apple were fabulous, but I was gutted that she'd been so devious. I was ready to ban TV as well I was so bloody angry, but knew it would probably cause more angst for us if I did.

OP posts:
oscarwilde · 05/03/2013 11:15

Hmm - a week long ban sounds very reasonable to me but then I'm a proper Victorian. Grin
Ask your DH would he still be so keen to hand it over if Apple had not agreed the refund? £250 of childrens crap on an iPad to pay for is not funny.

Bogeyface · 05/03/2013 11:15

Wow!

Forget "no iPad for a week" I am afraid I would remove it permanently until she was older, and could prove she could be trusted with it. Accidents happen, as you say, but if she deliberately worked it out knowing that it would cost money then I would not let her use it at all. But then I am Victorian Mum!

Theas18 · 05/03/2013 11:16

Our house rule is, regardless of " punishment" if you are ill enough to be off school you are ill enough to be in bed and no TV etc anyway!

Read/draw/colour/lego or in our house radio (they are all radio 4extra fans) yes. But no screens if ill.

Caveat they are now 13/17/19 and to be ill enough to be off school falls into " the worst thing ever" category, so they are never off unless absolutely flattened by illness anyway. No pressure from us, but self enforced " can't miss anything" pressure.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/03/2013 11:16

£250!?! Shock She's lucky you only banned screens for a week, I'd probably have made it permanent oh OK, maybe a month or three. Shock

kimorama · 05/03/2013 11:16

Nothing wrong with kindness Punishment is always dished out by powerful people to little people. Not especially moral

kimorama · 05/03/2013 11:16

I am pleased I am not the child of some of you posters.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/03/2013 11:18

And there's a good chance I am pleased not to come into contact with your childrem, kimorama ...

Poppet48 · 05/03/2013 11:18

If you don't carry out your 'No screens' punishment she will never learn.

She is allowed to lay and watch TV so YADNBU.

Theas18 · 05/03/2013 11:20

Oh, and for getting the password and pending £250 I am also Victorian mummy with Bogeyface. That would be it for ipad access for a very long time indeed. That is real deviousness that she really knew was wrong and did anyway.

Small kids do NOT need ipads, though it seems " the norm" on mums net. My 2 had android tablets at Xmas. Yes the 1st time (poor stunted, socially outcast kids they must be) they have had tablet access- at 13/17/19.

kimorama · 05/03/2013 11:21

Punishment is just the last resort of people with little imagination. Good parents outwit children without descending to punishment.

Andro · 05/03/2013 11:22

Not especially moral

Do you consider it moral (or responsible) not to teach our dc that actions have consequences? Punishment, where necessary, has to be firm and proportional...but without sanctions how will children learn? Talking alone doesn't work!

BeerTricksPotter · 05/03/2013 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morloth · 05/03/2013 11:26

We have a 'no screens' policy for sickdays in any case.

In our house if you are too sick for work/school then you go to bed.

Bloody hell at the ipad 'crime', I would have been much much harsher than you!

Bogeyface · 05/03/2013 11:28

Punishment is just the last resort of people with little imagination. Good parents outwit children without descending to punishment.

Thank you! Very shitty day today but this has made me laugh til I wee'd a little bit :o:o:o

Bogeyface · 05/03/2013 11:30

kimorama Joking aside, how many children do you have and how old are they?

BeerTricksPotter · 05/03/2013 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

silverfrog · 05/03/2013 11:31

I would have been much harsher than you for the iPad crime too.

I would also not relent in the situation as you have set it out. SHe can have tv/dvd, so not really deprived of curl up and mope under a duvet screen time.

your dh needs to man up and follow through with the punishment he agreed to.

Original poster
LtEveDallas · 05/03/2013 11:32

That's why I was so upset. I was ready to ban iPad use in entirety, but tempered it with the fact that she had no idea of the actual value of the things she downloaded. They were piles of coins/gems for £69.99 each. Until I explained it to her I don't think she could understand just how much money it really was.

For me the money was immaterial (even if we hadn't got it back) - Of course I was pissed off about it, but it was the sneakiness, the deliberate nature of her 'offence' that upset me more.

Does that make sense?

OP posts:
thinking1 · 05/03/2013 11:33

Woah, £250 deliberately?!

Kimorama, in RL, actions have consequences. In this case, OP's DD deliberately (i.e. worked out password and ordered £250 worth of apps) spent £250. Effectively stealing, and certainly dishonest. In RL, stealing carries consequences far worse than removal of an ipad for a week.

I'd love to hear what you'd do in this situation.

I'd also make the OP's DD save up some of the money (although thankfully it sounds like they got it back) to pay it back.

TheChaoGoesMu · 05/03/2013 11:33

Jeez, I was going to say maybe reduce the punishment a bit, but for a crime like that I'd take it away forever!

BeerTricksPotter · 05/03/2013 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheeseStrawWars · 05/03/2013 11:40

I'm not sure "outwitting" is any more "moral" than punishment. I don't think kids feel very good about themselves when they've been "outwitted", i.e. "left feeling stupid".

And I was coming on here to say OP was BU and lacking compassion but given the age of the child, the nature of the punishment, and the offence, it seems totally fine. Natural consequences, one could argue - abuse my trust, and I don't want to trust you with my stuff again.

kimorama · 05/03/2013 11:43

Read Charles Dickens on children and you will see what your ancestors did.
Please move on from that.

shrimponastick · 05/03/2013 11:44

Yanbu op.

I would have said that anyway, before discovering what the punishment was for.

If DS is off school sick, he is allowed to use his laptop only to check if any work has been sent through for him, or to catch up on homework on the school vlm.

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