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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really resent how sucked in my dh gets when playing computer games.

121 replies

mameulah · 22/02/2013 22:39

Anyone else in the same situation? Has anyone found a way of making their dh realise how totally infuriating annoying it is?

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 22/02/2013 22:40

Depends on how long he's playing. What the game is. And whether you have things you like doing that exclude him.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 22/02/2013 22:41

Dh plays all those COD ones and gets really into them, it doesn't put me up nor down I just leave him to it.

PeggyCarter · 22/02/2013 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RightsaidFreud · 22/02/2013 22:43

Not really, because I play too.

BookWormery · 22/02/2013 22:44

My DP plays computer games. It's not any more annoying for me than it is for him me watching something on TV he doesn't like.

I have friends that get annoyed by this and I don't get it.

As long as he's not playing for eight hours straight, ignoring you and not functioning on anything else what's the problem?

My DP will play for a couple of hours then switch the telly back. He enjoys it and he enjoys it as a bit of fun

MikeOxardAndWellard · 22/02/2013 22:44

I know what you mean. Dh says it's the same as me being on the laptop or watching tv, but it really isn't, it's a totally different level imo.

MortifiedAdams · 22/02/2013 22:45

DH plays COD and gets really very engrossed. He has two nights a week that he plays - Tuesdays, when I work lates, and Fridays when I either work late or have a night out knowing he is in to be with the baby.

Could you agree set days / times for 'downtime' and agree something equally enjoyable for you?

Oopla · 22/02/2013 22:47

DP played me the trailer video for ps4 earlier... It promises a deeper more immersive experience

lougle · 22/02/2013 22:48

DH and I play World of Warcraft. He gets drawn in much more than me. I can really enjoy doing dungeons, dailies, raiding, etc., but he gets quite fixated, especially if he has an in-game goal.

We've come to a good understanding though, No raids, dungeons or other group play while the children are up.

Original poster
mameulah · 22/02/2013 22:48

Well before I start to complain I should say that he has his own business, early years, and works ALL THE TIME. Well a normal day is 12 hours. And in the last three and a half years he has probably taken less than three weeks off, in total. (He works all weekend, a half day is 930am - 5pm). We also have a 12 week old baby and who is now, as much as possible, going to bed at 7pm. So, dh comes home, we have dinner, he plays that ruddy Eve game. We do have a bit of a chat to catch up on the days events, eat tea and then it is that game. We have a bit of family time in the morning, MAX half an hour.

And please, please, please don't tell me not to tell him to work so hard, for a millino reasons (that I understand and support) he has to.

And, I do understand and apprecaite that the computer game is his way of switching off but, well frankly it annoys and frustrates me.

OP posts:
Adversecamber · 22/02/2013 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BookWormery · 22/02/2013 22:49

There's been loads if research in to whether playing computer games can actually be good for you.

Some bullet points here (and links to the research) www.bigquestionsonline.com/content/how-might-video-games-be-good-us

catlady1 · 22/02/2013 22:51

It wouldn't bother me if he was just playing the game, but the fact that he has to put his silly headset on so he looks like a Backstreet Boy and talk bollocks to all his mates at the same time. It makes me want to shout "IT'S NOT REAL, YOU KNOW!"

sarahseashell · 22/02/2013 22:51

I get sucked in to MN Grin

Original poster
mameulah · 22/02/2013 22:54

I love get sucked into mn too! But not when real people are here!

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 22/02/2013 22:57

In two minds now.

Eve is rubbish for a start.

Plus he does need to recognise that as he is working a lot of hours and you are dealing with a very small baby, you might like a bit of adult company.

On the other hand, I can spend whole evenings playing Wow. And I can see how he might find it helps him to unwind.

Would he be willing to compromise and have maybe 2 nights a week (or one through the week and one at the weekend) where he doesn't play and spends some time with you?

sarahseashell · 22/02/2013 23:00

agree rude to MN with actual people around except MILs

no idea how to make him stop though.. must be annoying OP - not fair on you

Naoko · 22/02/2013 23:05

I was afraid you might say EVE. I play, I love it. But. It can eat your life, if you let it. I don't have DC and DP and I both play, we're both heavily involved, alliance leadership level - but it only works with like that because we both play, and we don't have DC. What does your DP do in game, and what is his corp like? IMO any EVE player with a family needs to find a corp who know that RL is more important than EVE. If he is in a corp full of students or singles, he may struggle.

Have you tried to talk to him? If he doesn't recognise it's a problem, it's much worse than if he does. You could suggest he play some nights and not others, not necessarily the same nights every week (most of our corp/alliance guys with families work something out with their other halves if they know we've got something fun/interesting coming up just as you might arrange for one partner to go out with friends while the other minds DC), or shorten his playtime altogether, or whatever works for you. If he doesn't recognise it's an issue though :/

EndoplasmicReticulum · 22/02/2013 23:08

Matters not to me with mine. He is playing games on computer. I am reading Mumsnet on laptop. If I complained it would be a bit "pot, kettle".

He doesn't play games while children are awake though, as they'd get too interested and he likes to play games with much shooting of things.

JCDenton · 22/02/2013 23:13

How many hours a week would you say he plays? If he's working that much every single day, it's understandable that he needs an hour or so of total chill-out. I'm an introvert and I don't like it if I can't get a bit of time playing a game/reading a book/down the gym away from RL stresses, which isn't always possible. Of course, EVE being an MMO rather complicates things, it's not something you can pause, which is why he seems so sucked in. (I remember shouting, "no, mum, I can't pause it" down the stairs many a times a teen.) If he can't reduce his work hours, I can't say I have an answer.

*goes back to Far Cry 3

JCDenton · 22/02/2013 23:14

Forgot to say that I totally sympathise with you, too, it must be very hard to feel like you're competing with work and solo pursuits so much.

Naoko · 22/02/2013 23:17

The thing about EVE is not only that, being an MMO, it's non-pausable, there are also vast swathes of the game that are really not casual player friendly - this is why I asked what the OP's husband does in the game. If he's a mission runner, that's casual friendly and he just needs do less of it. If he's in a lowsec mercenary corp or he's nullsec alliance leadership, that's really not casual friendly and he needs to adjust his playstyle or make ingame arrangements to allow him to play the aspect of the game he enjoys without it impacting on his family life.

raffle · 22/02/2013 23:24

Just called through to DH that The Walking Dead would be starting in 15 mins, he was fighting zombies.

He did not get off the computer so I cleaned round kitchen,made up night feeds, poured another vodka.

An hour later I tell him it's a bit late to watch it now, and he gets sulky as apparently it was my responsibility to tell him that the 15 minutes was up and that he needed to shift his arse out of the office Confused

He gets ever so sucked in (although am not disputing that it's all good practice for when the dead uprise)

riskit4abiskit · 23/02/2013 08:42

I find that my dh leaves his computer pretty quickly if I offer to fondle his Willy!

catgirl1976 · 23/02/2013 08:50

DH does this

He plays all day and all night. Headphones on

It drives me mad

You have my sympathies