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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really resent how sucked in my dh gets when playing computer games.

121 replies

mameulah · 22/02/2013 22:39

Anyone else in the same situation? Has anyone found a way of making their dh realise how totally infuriating annoying it is?

OP posts:
NichyNoo · 23/02/2013 12:33

I hate these games. DH plays call of duty whenever he gets a spare minute. Despite us having a 2.5 year old and 2 month old DS. He is currently playing now while I simultaneously breastfeed and try to look after toddler. After that I need to stack dishwasher, change pooey nappy and make a start on laundry. He played it for an hour earlier this morning as well while I once again did everything. He plays it all evening.....we barely speak. I really pray the laptop breaks. And yes, I always ask him to stop laying and to join in family life but to no avail.....

TheSeniorWrangler · 23/02/2013 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat · 23/02/2013 12:36

Nichy, take the fuse out of the plug. Wink

BertieBotts · 23/02/2013 12:43

It's just so elfish. And it's not like it's impossible either - DP quit WoW because it was taking too much time out of his life, but he still plays other games, he just limits campaigns etc to say an hour out of his night or one or two nights a week, basically, he plays with people who understand he has a life and don't expect him to be available 24/7. Usually he'll give me a heads-up too that he's planning to play a game for X time. And occasionally he gets drawn in and ends up playing all evening, but I don't mind, I can get drawn in to my own hobbies or a TV series or mumsnet or whatever too!

It's about priorities and making time for what's important. We miss each other if we spend too much time doing our separate things.

Fairenuff · 23/02/2013 12:45

It sounds like he has made a commitment to other people without considering you OP, or his dd. He has not asked how you feel about this or whether you are happy for him to give so much of his time to strangers.

This is not really ok is it? It's disrespectful and selfish.

He is not single, he has responsibilities. I see no reason why this would change as your dd grows. What sort of relationship will he have with her, when he has no time for her?

What does he say when you ask him about it?

BertieBotts · 23/02/2013 12:45

Erm selfish Grin

MrsTwgtwf · 23/02/2013 12:47

Surely it's only elfish if it's WoW or LOTR?

And didn't you mean elvish, anyway?

Wink
nickelbabe · 23/02/2013 12:48

i would say that because you have a 12week old, he should stop playing the games.

seriously.
DH hasn't played a computer game in a year because of DD taking precedence (although in the last couple of weeks he's started playing again in the late evening before bed because he finally has time)

some priorities have to change when you have babies - i would say for at least 4 months (and possibly 6 if you're BFing), no one gets to do any of their own hobbies because the baby is the priority.

mrsjay · 23/02/2013 13:04

DH has an xbox and a Ps3 I dont get it I really dont all that shooting and whatnot I just sigh and leave him too it or moan till he switches it off, tbf he doesnt play a lot cos he is working funny hour s but on days off

TheDetective · 23/02/2013 14:49

Dp plays games.

In our early days he was a complete cunt idiot over them. He would come to my house in an evening, get a meal, a shag, then he would make excuses about having to go home (a large variety of excuses!) but all he was doing was making sure he was home in time for his WoW raid or whatever it is.

I soon got him out of that by saying I wasn't prepared to be in a relationship with a selfish twat like that. As I was a single parent at the time, he was my social life, and I resented feeling used for a couple of hours in the late evening, then dropped for a fucking game!

He still plays games, no idea what, but all I know is if I ask him for something he can drop the game where he is. I think he has chosen his games carefully. I'm fine with this. I make sure we get equal downtime (have 13 week old!) so I can MN, watch a programme, sit on my arse and scratch it, and he is in charge of the baby for that time. Then I take over.

It works for us. If he was playing something that wasn't dropped immediately when I asked, I'd be very fucked off. As I'm sure he would be if I did the same.

I've noticed the stupid headset and chatting absolute shit to his mates/random strangers has stopped since the arrival of the baby so he can't be completely unaware of his annoying habits!

TiffIsKool · 23/02/2013 15:53

Why is spend hours on PC games any different to spending hours here on MN? Confused

lougle · 23/02/2013 16:18

I agree. I don't go to the pub, I don't have expensive hobbies, I don't buy trendy clothes or expensive make up. I do like to play WoW.

WoW costs £9 per month - a cheap form of entertainment. I have friends there (as does my DH - we're in the same guild). I'm the Guild Master and I feel no obligation to log on if I'm busy with family. The guild I lead is run strictly on the understanding that WoW=pixels and Real Life comes first.

YouTheCat · 23/02/2013 16:27

Same here, lougle.

I met dp in Wow. We are in the same guild and raid together but it's RL first.

Theicingontop · 23/02/2013 16:28

Before me and OH had DS we'd attend game tournaments and win money. But since his birth we've completely changed our lives, we play when DS is in bed or if one of us are doing an activity with him outside, the other might squeeze in some games.

It's all about compromise.

The only thing that I've never understood is his love for football manager. That irritates me no end, when he's got a file going with his mate he can sometimes stay up all night playing the shit.

lougle · 23/02/2013 16:28

Oooh what Server, YoutheCat? Smile I'm on Alonsus.

YouTheCat · 23/02/2013 16:31

Blades Edge. Smile Might see you in lfr

TiffIsKool · 23/02/2013 16:47

Why is spend hours on PC games any different to spending hours here on MN? Confused

mrsjay · 23/02/2013 17:55

Why is spend hours on PC games any different to spending hours here on MN?

well he is usually on the xbox so why not and I dont spend hours if everybody is in and I dont ignore them or swear at mumsnet well sometimes I do it is how engrossed gamers get baffles me, I can get up walk away from mumsnet, but DH has to shoot some terrorist or 'something' before he can, TBF we dont have young children and he didnt play as much when they were wee just sometimes it really gets on my nerves

Ghostsgowoooh · 23/02/2013 18:12

Because of the level of involvement of the game tiff. At least with mn you can instantly put the PC/tablet/phone down and interact instantly with whatever's going on around you but with an mmo game or mmporg you can't pause the game and the game is very intense, it's completely different to gently looking at some websites.

seeker · 23/02/2013 19:11

I can- and do- bake and mumsnet every weekday. I can and do mumsnet and chat in RL at the weekends.

Couldn't bake and game. Or chat and game.

ChuffMuffin · 23/02/2013 19:22

I never got in to EVE. I used to visit Something Awful when all the Goonsquad implosion thing happened and it turned me off it. Tried it once and I didn't know what the fuck I was doing.

WOW I played for years but I got bored with everyone and their DPS meters, gear scores etc. maybe I was on a server with idiots, I don't know.

EQ2.. I love that game so much. Really really good. Haven't played it for a few years. Used to be a Guide on there (like a mini GM).

Haven't tried SWTOR but my first MMO was SWG. I'm expecting TOR to be like Galaxies and it won't be. :(

TiffIsKool · 23/02/2013 23:49

seeker - you can MNet and floss at the same time. Still doesn't make MNetting for hours, albeit in small chunks, any different from guys who spend solid hours playing games.

Some posters seem to make a big deal about how kids should be out there having fun instead of studying. It's kind of ironic how parents are spending hours online discussing how their kids should do more with their lives than sitting in front of a PC.

YouTheCat · 23/02/2013 23:51

I bake. I game. I chat. I drink wine. I MN. I even find time to pee. Grin

MurderOfGoths · 23/02/2013 23:52

"Couldn't bake and game. Or chat and game."

Some of us can and do game and do other tasks (not bake, can't bake for shit)

budgieshell · 24/02/2013 00:19

Yes I'm a x box widow too.

It used to drive me mad, not any more.

Plus sides

watch what I want on TV.
Stretch out in bed.
Not under feet.
Know where he is.
Addictive nature taken care of.
Thinks he's got the best wife because I don't nag about it anymore.
Always happy to look after children because he needs to stay home to game.

If I want to talk or have family time we have to leave the house which he is happy to do at weekends because he games mainly at night.

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