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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really resent how sucked in my dh gets when playing computer games.

121 replies

mameulah · 22/02/2013 22:39

Anyone else in the same situation? Has anyone found a way of making their dh realise how totally infuriating annoying it is?

OP posts:
Lastofthepodpeople · 23/02/2013 08:59

Sorry but yabu. If he works as hard as you say he does, he needs some downtime.

Ghostsgowoooh · 23/02/2013 09:03

I sympathise too. Although I am a gamer, I love WOW myself I have limits and never play when the kids are about and never let it take over.

My ex plays and it takes him over. He got agressive when he played and used to play in front of the kids which I hated and he often played it from seven pm till 3 am hogging the telly and screaming abuse at players and the screen.

He's long gone now and in fact I've banned Xbox completely from the house now as my ds was addicted and aggressive as well

You need rules. A couple of hours on it at a time is fine, playing all night at the exclusion of everything else isn't.

NotSoNervous · 23/02/2013 09:04

I hate COD games

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 23/02/2013 09:07

Catgirl - things no better?

OP - DH and I used to play an MMO before we had the boys and it totally took over over lives.
Tbh he is behaving like a single bloke, or at least a child free one. Does he play every day?

I think a serious chat is needed, life has to change now that you have a baby.

Airwalk79 · 23/02/2013 10:36

We woke up at 830, kids are at my mums, had some nice sex. Within 10 minutes dh had gone to "look" at something on his computer.... Now haven't heard a word from him since.
Sigh.

On the plus side I'm going out this afternoon to a alcohol party. Yay! And he has to have the kids.

Airwalk79 · 23/02/2013 10:37

I don't really know what his game is tho, it's on the pc and he's a little gnomey looking thing

lougle · 23/02/2013 10:59

That sounds like World of Warcraft Grin

catgirl1976 · 23/02/2013 11:16

Hi Ali

Things are a bit better to be fair. He's doing a lot more around the house and being more supportive

Still playing games till 2am but at least he's getting up and helping out x

TeWiSavesTheDay · 23/02/2013 11:24

I think the problem is that you are loving like roommates it will affect your relationship and you need to spell that out to him before your lack of time together causes more serious issues.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 23/02/2013 11:24

*living

seeker · 23/02/2013 11:28

I can't imagine forming a relationship with a man who plays computer games .......

lougle · 23/02/2013 11:41

Well I play computer games, so I guess that's why it's fine with me Grin

Cheddars · 23/02/2013 11:46

Between mumsnet, my kindle and wow dh barely gets a look in. Grin

dreamingbohemian · 23/02/2013 11:49

That's good news catgirl Smile

OP I think you have every right to be frustrated. It sounds like your DH works, plays, works, plays there is no family time or couple time, or just a little bit. How much time does he spend with your DC? Does he do anything around the house? Is he at least bringing in a good sum of money, with all the hours he works?

It doesn't sound like a very sustainable lifestyle in the long term. How long does he think he'll need to keep this schedule?

You said not to suggest changing work hours but with due respect, if he works less then he'd not only be less stressed out but he would have time for family AND computer games. So even if he can't change his hours now, it's totally reasonable to ask when he think he might be able to.

TheSeniorWrangler · 23/02/2013 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dreamingbohemian · 23/02/2013 11:57

I think the fact it's a computer game is a bit of a red herring -- it could be any hobby requiring his attention. Is it reasonable for someone to spend every night, all their spare time, on their hobby, when they have a family?

Is a computer game really the only way he can relax? Wouldn't a nice evening spent with your wife be relaxing too?

BadLad · 23/02/2013 12:01

It could be worse.

Have a look at this collection up for sale on ebay.

Fairenuff · 23/02/2013 12:01

It's only a problem if you feel it is a problem.

Out of his weekly 'free' hours, how many does be spend

  1. with you (giving his full attention)

  2. with the baby (again full attention)

  3. doing household type jobs - cleaning, shopping, gardening, diy, etc.

  4. completely to himself to do as he likes

That is the balance that you are looking for. Imo, the hours spent computing are his personal leisure time hours and they should roughly equal the other activities above. So, for example, could he spend each evening doing one hour of each?

pixi2 · 23/02/2013 12:04

I totally sympathise. Having kicked a fifteen yr old out of bed an hour ago, gave him coffee and porridge, listened as he told me about his night of gaming with friends (read, talking over headphones on the x box) and have kicked him out to the local indoor bmx park with some lunch money and his bmx and told him to experience real life! He is actually a very lovely and active teen.

TheSeniorWrangler · 23/02/2013 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScarletLady02 · 23/02/2013 12:14

We both game at the same time when DD is in bed.

I'm currently completely addicted to SWTOR Blush

We have nights when we don't game and we'll watch a movie together or do something else, but it doesn't really bother me. It probably would if I didn't play as well though Grin

dreamingbohemian · 23/02/2013 12:25

Senior, are those 100 people around the world more important than your own family? The man also made a commitment to his wife and child. Surely there must be a balance, it doesn't sound like there is one at the moment, if he's literally on there all night, every night.

I think if a game requires that level of time and commitment, it doesn't really mix with having a family.

GailTheGoldfish · 23/02/2013 12:25

I have to say up front I do not understand the fascination with these games at all and would find it impossible to deal with a partner who prioritised them above our relationship or family time. Reading over this thread there are many examples of playing having become an addiction. Every one should have a bit of downtime doing whatever they choose but I'm assuming the OP feels it has gone beyond a bit of downtime and needs to find a way to tell him that his real life is waiting for his attention. TheSeniorWrangler would you consider one of the those 100 people somewhere in the world more deserving of your time if they needed you for a game over your DP or children?

BertieBotts · 23/02/2013 12:28

It's about balance. I can see that he has a stressful job and presumably the game is his way of relaxing. But if it's leaving him time for absolutely nothing else then perhaps he just can't afford this particular hobby at this time? MMOs with guilds and alliances and everything are great if you have time for them, but although he's finding it relaxing, it's the same kind of commitment as joining any other kind of team or organisation - it's not the same as a game which you can pick up and leave whenever you want to.

NotDavidTennant · 23/02/2013 12:31

This is why I gave up computer games, they are such a time thief.