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AIBU?

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Original poster

Splitting rent into thirds as one partner has a child? Red flag????

122 replies

Donttrustmyselfanymore · 03/02/2013 22:02

My friend is planning to move in with her boyfriend of a year.
She has a 3 year old dd from a previous relationship.

Her and her partner earn roughly the same money, they were going to go halves on bills rent etc but now he has changed his mind and he says he should only pay a third of the rent, gas electric etc as she has dd.

He will be moving into her 2 bed flat that she has been running alone for 4 years so it wouldn't be a struggle for her financially.

I find this really odd, he knows she has a child and that child is 3 years old ffs! and to me it shows resentment already.

Is this a red flag or fair. I'm not sure what to say to her tbh.

OP posts:
Pickles101 · 03/02/2013 22:04

Red flag. What a pig.

issimma · 03/02/2013 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RafflesWay · 03/02/2013 22:05

This reply has been deleted

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manicbmc · 03/02/2013 22:05

Red flag - great big one.

She needs to not have him move in. It will be a disaster.

BookWormery · 03/02/2013 22:06

Red flag.

DeepRedBetty · 03/02/2013 22:06

Red flag. Sorry. Possibly fair if he pays a bit less on electric etc as dd could be said to be generating extra costs for laundry, baths, but not the rent, council tax or other fixed costs.

pictish · 03/02/2013 22:07

Omg...yes...red flag.

TraineeBabyCatcher · 03/02/2013 22:08

Red flag regardless of circs. If they're moving in together they're obviously far enough into a relationship to be pretty much sharing the responsibility of the child, regardless of whos child it is. If he can't deal with the responsibility he shouldn't be moving in with her.

CaptChaos · 03/02/2013 22:09

Red Flag

Bugles

Cannon

This will end REALLY badly

FergusSingsTheBlues · 03/02/2013 22:10

Get.rid.

That poor child.

scooterchik · 03/02/2013 22:10

For her dd sake i hope she does not go through with this :( That sounds completely unreasonable. Surely that thought would not go through the mind of a person in love???!!!

CloudsAndTrees · 03/02/2013 22:12

Tell her she's a mug.

bettybyebye · 03/02/2013 22:12

Definite red flag.

Has your friend said if she feels this is odd/unreasonable?

sausagesandwich34 · 03/02/2013 22:13

is it her flat that she is paying a mortgage on or is it a council flat/private rental

if she is paying a mortgage then I don't think he should be paying half unless she puts his name on the mortgage -which would be very foolish

same if she is renting -if he's not added to the rental agreement then why should he pay half when he has no legal rights to the property?

ThePathanKhansWitch · 03/02/2013 22:14

Oh yes, fuckery of the highest order.

Show her this thread. I wonder if he' ll suggest seperate food cupboards?.

BertieBotts · 03/02/2013 22:16

If she has a child and he's moving in then he's making a commitment to her AND the child - he's going to be a big part of her DD's life if he lives with her, he's effectively taking on the role of "stepdad". So IMO he should be considering her his responsibility as well, not making her solely your friend's responsibility.

SolidGoldBrass · 03/02/2013 22:16

The child is 3. Therefore (unless she is a child model or something) she has no income. So it is completely and utterly unreasonable to factor her in as a contributing economic partner. Tell your friend to wise up and kick this cocklodger out.

LittleChimneyDroppings · 03/02/2013 22:18

Red flag.

mrsbunnylove · 03/02/2013 22:19

don't know what you mean by 'red flag'. warning sign? definitely.

SirIronBottom · 03/02/2013 22:21

Red flag! You move in together, you pool your finances, you budget together.

sparkle9 · 03/02/2013 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Donttrustmyselfanymore · 03/02/2013 22:25

Thank you for all your replies, that's what I thought. The flat is privately rented and she was going to put him on the rental agreement. This has made her have second thoughts so ill definitely be telling her to trust her gut. He made her dd dinner once and goes on about it like he deserves a medal. He also goes on to anyone that will listen about what a great guy he is for 'supporting' another mans child, although to date he has paid nothing towards her dd and my friend gets child support from dd's dad and her dad has her twice a week all very amicable tbh. She has always been very independent and I don't l

OP posts:
Original poster
Donttrustmyselfanymore · 03/02/2013 22:27

Sorry posted to soon.

I don't like the way he acts like he's 'saved her from her life, as her life was awful before she met him' His words! Made me feel a bit Hmm

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 03/02/2013 22:27

He sounds like a fucking twat. She's coped as a single mum before, and she'd be better off doing so again. Anyone that wants praise for being involved in a child's life, when they should see it as a privilege, is not a good person to get involved with, for the mother or the child.

Huge red flag. A hundred of them.

sausagesandwich34 · 03/02/2013 22:28

they aren't moving in together, he is moving into her flat

her security, her's and her child's home

I'm a LP, I would not want a man moving into MY house to pay half as I wouldn't want them thinking they had a claim on the property that I have worked bloody hard to provide a safe and secure home for my DCs

What if she had 4 dcs that he wasn't the parent of and therefore needed a 3/4 bed house -would everyone still expect him to pay half?

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