Splitting rent into thirds as one partner has a child? Red flag????

[Donttrustmyselfanymore]

My friend is planning to move in with her boyfriend of a year.
She has a 3 year old dd from a previous relationship.

Her and her partner earn roughly the same money, they were going to go halves on bills rent etc but now he has changed his mind and he says he should only pay a third of the rent, gas electric etc as she has dd.

He will be moving into her 2 bed flat that she has been running alone for 4 years so it wouldn't be a struggle for her financially.

I find this really odd, he knows she has a child and that child is 3 years old ffs! and to me it shows resentment already.

Is this a red flag or fair. I'm not sure what to say to her tbh.

[tethersend]

More red flags than Lenin doing semaphore.

[KeatsiePie]

Ha ha ha tethers!

[oldraver]

So if he wants to start a family with her, what split would he then propose for rent etc ? tell her not to even find out

[Bossybritches22]

Whole bunting of the fucking red things, tell her if he's good in bed & fun to have around then great keep him as a BF/lodger but nothing more.

[TheCraicDealer]

Another one who agrees this is a whole load of red flags.

Tell her what Cogito says, he doesn't get partner's rights on tenant's money.

[Sashapineapple]

He sounds like a dick. Tell your friend she deserves and can do better than a knobhead freeloader like that.

[Viviennemary]

He sounds an absolute nightmare. She shouldn't bother moving in with him if that is his attitude. A three year old paying a third share of the rent. What next!

[PureQuintessence]

Red Flag.

"she doesn't want him or anyone else to think she is taking advantage of him"

So she lets him take advantage of her and her child.

Is he also going to just pay 1/3 of bills/utilities/groceries? Or let HER pay all the groceries, because it is HER child?

She should definitely not get pregnant by him unless she has lived with him years and years and he has shown himself to be a fair and reasonable man.

[Jamillalliamilli]

I don?t have a flag huge or red enough!

I'm from the world this blokes from where his behaviours normal and women accept it and children pay for it. Don't join it!

He see?s your friend as unequal, cheap to acquire, and ought to be grateful for him, ?being prepared to take her on,? and her fears of ?being seen as taking advantage? make her ripe for the picking for this sort of bloke, he's moving up, she's moving down. He will mistake it for low self esteem, and when she realises she?s been actually paying for some his behaviour towards her, it will become true.

God knows how he?ll see her daughter, especially when he tells her of or to be gratefull for something, and she starts saying ?but you don?t pay for that/ me, my Daddy does!? The wedge between mum and daughter will be in place swiftly in this relationship.

If she must do this, give him no legal rights what so ever, keep everything very separate and please don?t have a child with him, imagine when her daughter gets given less, (or more) than his because the half sibling is another man's child.

[ArtsMumma]

Red Flag!!!!

[ChaoticisasChaoticdoes]

Big, huge, mammoth red flag.

She shouldn't be grateful to him for taking on her and her DD. He should be grateful to her that she has allowed him into her DD's life.

Tell her...do not move in with him.

[expatinscotland]

A mean, cheap low-life isn't boyfriend material. This is a huge red flag. Grounds for dumping, IMO. NOW.

[expatinscotland]

I really feel for her child. She needs to get away from this git and not date again until she works on her self-esteem.

[Spero]

I don't inderstand your comment hesterton. He seems to be saying that a three year old will use one third of the gas, electric and take up one third of the floor space - which is impossible.

But this shouldnt be a case of equitable accounting - that is what is making alarm bells ring for me. His partner has a child and thus he wants her to contribute more to a joint set up? What weird kind of accounting would they do if they had a child together?

[Squitten]

Nope, not a red flag.

It's a HUGE, FLASHING warning beacon with a wailing siren on top. I sincerely hope she is not stupid enough to have a child with him. Imagine what he'll be like then!

[Spero]

You have to distinguish between your obligation to support your child and the obligation to pay for the roof over your head. If two adults share a house I would be expecting them to contribute in fair shares to rent and utilities. I don't see how you can put children in that equation.

[Megatron]

Red flag from me too.

[Scrazy]

The child doesn't have an income. It should be 50/50 and your friend will begin to resent him in time because of being tight with money.

[PureQuintessence]

Hmm, if he had a child already, I dont think the OP should pay this childs maintenance, and rent would still be 50/50 even if dp had his dc staying for contact.... It is different to pay towards a child, and sharing rent costs between adults. The mum in this case would not want boyfriend to pay towards the keep of her dd, only go halves like adults on the rent, utilities and cost.

[RSVP]

Fuckwit flag

[expatinscotland]

Far easier not to bother arguing with a skinflint and dump them.

I really, really hope she's using good contraception.